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Old 10-04-2006, 11:19 PM   #1
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need a little advice, Singing and Marriage to a non-powwow goer

I am in the process of singing again. My other half is somewhat against it. Her tribe is not a powwow oriented tribe. I have given respect to her ways and culture. The drum is where and how I was raised in Ok. How do I let her know this is something that is right for me, without hurting her feelings or causing a big breakup or blowout. Anyone out there been through this, if so, give a brother some advice.

Last edited by soonerbyheart; 10-04-2006 at 11:23 PM..
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Old 10-05-2006, 12:46 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soonerbyheart
I am in the process of singing again. My other half is somewhat against it. Her tribe is not a powwow oriented tribe. I have given respect to her ways and culture. The drum is where and how I was raised in Ok. How do I let her know this is something that is right for me, without hurting her feelings or causing a big breakup or blowout. Anyone out there been through this, if so, give a brother some advice.
Tough call Dude. All I can tell you is that when I was young, I use to play guitar for a rock band. We were on the road quite a bit doing the usual stuff. You know, play a gig, drink a gig, and such. I also just finished up learning to fly single engine aircraft and getting my pilots license.

When I got married, all the fun went away. When I said "I do", she said "not any more". No gigs, no flying, no nothing except for the shots and beers. I found out later that the boose didn't help nothing. I tried going back to the music and flying but got road blocked every time from her. Talking didn't do a damn thing. She was a control freak white woman. A few years later I did the best thing for me. I got me a real ndn wife. Now I play music, sit at the drum, fly like an eagle, run my own company, and have a wife who encourges me to do anything I want to do, except drink and smoke pot.

So I don't drink or take drugs. It's a fair trade for everything else I have.

You gotta keep talking to her dude. You gotta let her know how you feel too. Marrage is one big compramise. Give a little, get a little. Be honest. Communication is the key. She may think that going back to the drum will make you a babe magnet. A star so to speak. Let her know that the only star at a drum is the drum itself, not the people around it. When I sit at a drum, my lady is almost always there backing me up. Get her involved too. Try to make it a family thing.

Question: You starting a new drum? going back to your old buds? family drum pulling you back? These are questions to ask yourself. Your anwser may just be what is giving her the hang up.

This is the best I can do for ya. Good luck
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Old 10-05-2006, 12:59 PM   #3
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Tough call Dude. All I can tell you is that when I was young, I use to play guitar for a rock band. We were on the road quite a bit doing the usual stuff. You know, play a gig, drink a gig, and such. I also just finished up learning to fly single engine aircraft and getting my pilots license.

When I got married, all the fun went away. When I said "I do", she said "not any more". No gigs, no flying, no nothing except for the shots and beers. I found out later that the boose didn't help nothing. I tried going back to the music and flying but got road blocked every time from her. Talking didn't do a damn thing. She was a control freak white woman. A few years later I did the best thing for me. I got me a real ndn wife. Now I play music, sit at the drum, fly like an eagle, run my own company, and have a wife who encourges me to do anything I want to do, except drink and smoke pot.

So I don't drink or take drugs. It's a fair trade for everything else I have.

You gotta keep talking to her dude. You gotta let her know how you feel too. Marrage is one big compramise. Give a little, get a little. Be honest. Communication is the key. She may think that going back to the drum will make you a babe magnet. A star so to speak. Let her know that the only star at a drum is the drum itself, not the people around it. When I sit at a drum, my lady is almost always there backing me up. Get her involved too. Try to make it a family thing.

Question: You starting a new drum? going back to your old buds? family drum pulling you back? These are questions to ask yourself. Your anwser may just be what is giving her the hang up.

This is the best I can do for ya. Good luck
My wife had a similar problem, only it was me that didn't want go. I felt I had no right to be there because I am only part Cherokee. She took her time with me and once I started going I couldn't stop! It's been years now and I love her for making me see I was needed in the circle, on the drum too. The drum is for the people and prayers to Creator, without her gently pushing me into it, I wouldn't have met all the wonderful people I have or sat on some of the best drums Ohio has to offer.
I feel for ya, but just be patient and loving....it's all in Creators hands and we know if we get in his way he can't do his job.
Best of luck to you and never give up on her.
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Old 10-05-2006, 08:02 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soonerbyheart
I am in the process of singing again. My other half is somewhat against it. Her tribe is not a powwow oriented tribe. I have given respect to her ways and culture. The drum is where and how I was raised in Ok. How do I let her know this is something that is right for me, without hurting her feelings or causing a big breakup or blowout. Anyone out there been through this, if so, give a brother some advice.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, so we have communication. Lemme think on this, Slick!
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When you follow the will of IT that created you, understanding that your purpose is not for you...but for IT and all that IT has created, there can be no wrong except failure to be obedient. Only then do we jeopardize the gifts we are given.

Its not the final destination that defines us, rather the journey taken!
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Old 10-07-2006, 01:27 AM   #5
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Man, I gotta tell you... straight up... my people are not a pow wow people, we'll social dance (stomp dance) but most of our gatherings are ceremonial in nature... but... I am also a hard core pow wower... because I am so far from my own people here in Ohio, pow wows were the only place I really had to connect with other skinz outside of my own family... so I started dancing and then singing to the point now that I would rather sing than do anything else on earth... that drum has helped me straighten out my life, and when I'm away from it... there's a big hole there that can't be filled any other way.
When I got married, I married a woman who was even more of a pow wower than me, and she does come from a pow wow people. Living among her people and family for two years before moving back here, I got my eyes opened to what "real" pow wows are like, no real drama or BS, just having fun, being myself, hanging out with friends and maybe contesting every once in a while.
If you're feeling that void there, then tell her about it, if she really loves you she'll do her best to understand you're feelings, not jump on you for them. If singing is what you need, YOU NEED IT!!! Don't beat around the bush about it, let her know you know she may not agree with what your feeling, but she needs to respect your needs the way you try to respect hers. It sounds like that heartbeat is calling you back, it wouldn't do that just for ****s and giggles, there's a reason... explain to her you wish she would come out and support you, but if she can't do that with a good heart, then at least have enough respect for you to do what it is that YOU need to do for yourself... enough said.

As for Danny... man from the moment I met you I never questioned who you were, so don't question your right, if that is where you were pulled, you were pulled there for a reason... and myself personally, I know where your hearts at, you're a good man... not very many people that I know would have gall blader surgery and sing a pow wow a few days later because that was what you knew you had to do for yourself... those big drums will heal if given the chance, and dude... you have already heard my offer... you're accepted here, and welcome!

Enough for now...

Paselo!
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Old 10-10-2006, 01:07 AM   #6
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Talking

As for Danny... man from the moment I met you I never questioned who you were, so don't question your right, if that is where you were pulled, you were pulled there for a reason... and myself personally, I know where your hearts at, you're a good man... not very many people that I know would have gall blader surgery and sing a pow wow a few days later because that was what you knew you had to do for yourself... those big drums will heal if given the chance, and dude... you have already heard my offer... you're accepted here, and welcome!

Enough for now...

Paselo!
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Thanks for your kind words my friend, going to pow wow and drumming and singing was the medicene I needed to get me back on my feet. I snuck in a little dancin and I know it helped me heal in a way only some of us truly understand. I am proud to call you friend and I hear ya about the offer!
I never knew I had so many friends until I got sick and had that surgery, everyone came up and checked on me.......lol!
Many thanks to all of you, I know where my place is and I intend to do my best where ever I am.
And SoonerbyHeart, take the advice of an old man...be sweet, be gentle, talk with your woman, explain how it makes you feel to be a part of the drum. She can see just how strong that pull is just by letting her read some of these answers. Also, the other drums who feel the same way, maybe she'll understand better. BUT, don't give up on her.

Last edited by Dtwosnakes; 10-10-2006 at 01:18 AM..
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Old 10-10-2006, 04:41 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dtwosnakes
As for Danny... man from the moment I met you I never questioned who you were, so don't question your right, if that is where you were pulled, you were pulled there for a reason... and myself personally, I know where your hearts at, you're a good man... not very many people that I know would have gall blader surgery and sing a pow wow a few days later because that was what you knew you had to do for yourself... those big drums will heal if given the chance, and dude... you have already heard my offer... you're accepted here, and welcome!

Enough for now...

Paselo!
__________________________________________________ __
Thanks for your kind words my friend, going to pow wow and drumming and singing was the medicene I needed to get me back on my feet. I snuck in a little dancin and I know it helped me heal in a way only some of us truly understand. I am proud to call you friend and I hear ya about the offer!
I never knew I had so many friends until I got sick and had that surgery, everyone came up and checked on me.......lol!
Many thanks to all of you, I know where my place is and I intend to do my best where ever I am.
And SoonerbyHeart, take the advice of an old man...be sweet, be gentle, talk with your woman, explain how it makes you feel to be a part of the drum. She can see just how strong that pull is just by letting her read some of these answers. Also, the other drums who feel the same way, maybe she'll understand better. BUT, don't give up on her.
Danny,
Missed ya this past weekend. I know the man had ya working this weekend but I know your heart was at the powwow. I also know Red Shield could not attend as well. He had other commitments. A few of Red's guys were there and jumped on Thunder Nation's drum. Man did they crank out the tunes. Awsome!!!!

SoonerbyHeart,
Take Red's advice. Keep talking to your lady. Get yourself an invite to sit at a drum. Take her with for the day. Don't leave her at home. Let her see how you feel. Be honest with her. You also have to make time for your lady at a powwow. Let her see that the drum will add good stuff to your heart. When you do get that chance to sit at the drum, don't forget to thank your lady for being there for you. I know a lot of guys who hide behind the drum. They are there for the glory. Don't be one of those kind. It will only make things worse. Be honest, and do what is best for you and your family too. There is enough time for both.

Red,
See ya in Toledo in two weeks. Drag Danny up for the weekend if ya can. Sit him on your drum for the weekend. I suspect that "mule" won't kick too much.
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Old 10-10-2006, 09:41 AM   #8
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this mule may kick, but never at a chanc e to sit and drum and sing for the people
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Old 10-10-2006, 11:04 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soonerbyheart
I am in the process of singing again. My other half is somewhat against it. Her tribe is not a powwow oriented tribe. I have given respect to her ways and culture. The drum is where and how I was raised in Ok. How do I let her know this is something that is right for me, without hurting her feelings or causing a big breakup or blowout. Anyone out there been through this, if so, give a brother some advice.


here is the advice you seriously didnt want to hear... there is no easy way. for anything that is worth the trouble there never is.
im on marriage number 2 myself. the first one was a powwow goer but did things i didnt like. she had a dance fan of white turkey feathers and told people it was swan. why? be proud of what things are for what they are, right? dunno.
(thats just one of the small things)
that marriage lasted just under one month. when we got married she had long long black hair to her waist. a week after the wedding she cut it all off. im not sure if she was more nutz than i noticed or if being married to me made he so. but she split.
my mother used to say my woman picker was broken.

the one i have now, i think, is a keeper. she'll not only hit the powwows with me, but she'll camp and sleep on the ground.
a few weeks before we were to get married i got hurt pretty bad. i managed to walk into a bundle of tipi poles and took one to the eye. ripped the eyelid wide open. i fractured the orbital floor and it took 8 stitches to close it up.

my woman looked at me with my face all bloody and ugly and kissed me anyway.
and i knew i was doing the right thing getting married to her.

when she came to me with my IRS tax lien notice and said lets get this paid off, i knew i did the right thing marrying her.

every time i go through a new bout of depression and she doesnt just throw up her hands and walk away, i know i did the right thing marrying her.

and every winter night when we climb into bed and she asks if im warm enough and says i love you, i know i did the right thing marrying her.


there is no easy way, brother,never has been,never will be. but hitting things like what youre dealing with head on is way easier than trying to go around them.
i think the biggest thing to do is to ask her to try and understand how important these things are to you to join you in induging in them. she may find herself among new friends and developing new interests of her own. who knows.
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Old 10-11-2006, 06:49 PM   #10
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here is the advice you seriously didnt want to hear... there is no easy way. for anything that is worth the trouble there never is.
im on marriage number 2 myself. the first one was a powwow goer but did things i didnt like. she had a dance fan of white turkey feathers and told people it was swan. why? be proud of what things are for what they are, right? dunno.
(thats just one of the small things)
that marriage lasted just under one month. when we got married she had long long black hair to her waist. a week after the wedding she cut it all off. im not sure if she was more nutz than i noticed or if being married to me made he so. but she split.
my mother used to say my woman picker was broken.

the one i have now, i think, is a keeper. she'll not only hit the powwows with me, but she'll camp and sleep on the ground.
a few weeks before we were to get married i got hurt pretty bad. i managed to walk into a bundle of tipi poles and took one to the eye. ripped the eyelid wide open. i fractured the orbital floor and it took 8 stitches to close it up.

my woman looked at me with my face all bloody and ugly and kissed me anyway.
and i knew i was doing the right thing getting married to her.

when she came to me with my IRS tax lien notice and said lets get this paid off, i knew i did the right thing marrying her.

every time i go through a new bout of depression and she doesnt just throw up her hands and walk away, i know i did the right thing marrying her.

and every winter night when we climb into bed and she asks if im warm enough and says i love you, i know i did the right thing marrying her.


there is no easy way, brother,never has been,never will be. but hitting things like what youre dealing with head on is way easier than trying to go around them.
i think the biggest thing to do is to ask her to try and understand how important these things are to you to join you in induging in them. she may find herself among new friends and developing new interests of her own. who knows.
I think you fixed your woman picker, dude - great post!
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Old 10-11-2006, 07:02 PM   #11
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Marrage is one big compramise. Give a little, get a little. Be honest. Communication is the key.

Compramise, thats the only way its going to work, especially if your married. It may take time for it to work, then if it doesnt work, then it wasnt meant to be.
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Old 10-11-2006, 08:16 PM   #12
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there is no easy way, brother,never has been,never will be. but hitting things like what youre dealing with head on is way easier than trying to go around them.
i think the biggest thing to do is to ask her to try and understand how important these things are to you to join you in induging in them. she may find herself among new friends and developing new interests of her own. who knows.
Does this mean that if she wants a night out with the girls and gets it, that you have the right to have a night out with the girls???? That's equal! Right????

How come it never works that way in real life???

Just messin with ya all!!!
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Old 10-12-2006, 01:18 PM   #13
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: somewhere between chicago and DC, what day is it again?
Posts: 2,850
Credits: 11,819.18
Savings: 1.00
hey, ill go hang with the wifes friends. no problem there.
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