[kiyaanii mom]

Originally Posted by RezBluesGirl

This is in response to the many replies to the story of Marcela's death published by the Riverton Ranger. First of all this was and still is a very emotional time for all those who were directly involved with this case. I've known Macalia for over ten years, I know in my heart that she wouldn't hurt her children. I know what this man Andy is capable of doing first hand. I have seen his work all over Macalia's face and body long before Marcela was born, I have watched and helped both the Grandmother and Aunt of Macalia struggle to bring justice for her. The legal channels (social services, local police) were of no help, it seemed they protected him more than her, and out of fear Macalia also protected him. Andy beat her while she was pregnant with each of their four children. Andy was incarcerated for a period of time for beating her while she was pregnant with the twins. During this time I watched Macalia get her life on track. She completed parenting classes and was living alcohol and drug free. To make a long story short, he returned and the struggle continued. There was a court order that stated he was not to be in the home but a piece of paper couldn't keep him away. Marcela was given to her mother on the condition that Andy was not living there. He won, because the social services would not listen to the grandmother. She did follow the court order when she knew he was there by calling the police, social services but nothing was ever done. Sometime in the month of June no one was allowed to go into the apartment. Everytime we asked about Marcela, Macalia would say that she was with her dad. I understand that many of you may not feel sympathy for the mother but she also went through hell. She endured many beatings by this man, even in front of his family members and they did nothing to protect her. He brought his sisters over to beat Macalia in her own home. I had seen Macalia's face after a beating, she had a knot on her forehead the size of a cue ball and shoe prints on her face, she had also been hit by a metal chair. This incident happened in front of his grandmother, police were notified, only to have his grandmother lie and deny that anything had happened, the place had been cleaned before police arrived. For four years Macalia had black eyes, knots, split lip, bald spots and scars. I have told you only a small part of this story, to clarify the accusations of the grandmother failing to do anything, her heart is broken for Macalia and Marcela, she loves them both. The mourning process has just begun for the Blackburn family after fighting for justice for so long. Andrew tried to kill Marcela while she was still in the womb by stomping on Macalia's stomach. On July 2, 2004 Andrew stated, " I wish this little b**** would hurry up and die." within a couple of hours our Marcela was gone, Andrew completed his goal. Domestic violence and child abuse is overlooked because no one wants to get involved. I pray that the new laws will change this attitude so that many victims can be helped before its to late. Protect your loved ones any way you can. For those of you who read this, I pray that you will never forget Marcela Hope for the sake of all children.

I know this family has suffered. And I understand your points. But the very fist time this man hit Macalia, she should have left. Every time she let him abuse her, she damaged her children. Yes, I know the statistics and cycles on women who get abused, but we need to teach our Native women that they cannot put up with this behavior. She chose to stay in this relationship for 4 years so she is also at fault for her precious daughters death. What kind of person hangs a child from their overalls in a closet? She should have held that little girl in her arms. And sang to her and talked to her and kissed her precious head. They maybe she would have realized how close to death Marcela was.

I pray that this horrible story will help other women living this life to leave before they live the same fate or worst, raise son who will be an abuser or a daughter who will allow herself to be abused.

[Blackbear]

Here's a link to the article...

http://www.dailyranger.com/headline1.htm

[butterflynwind]

Think k mom is exactly right.It would break my heart for that to happen.

[butterflynwind]

I was not talking about this story at first.I was talking in general.This came to mind when I watched on tv about alittle girl Yesterday.She was from OKlahoma.They found her in a neighbors apartment.

[Gache]

I am going to go hug my children right now. I cant even express how I feel about this.
As much as I want to do unimaginable things to this man the only way to bring justice to this little girl is to love as many lil children as you can.
Soon as my wife finishes nursing school I feel like I should adopt.

[butterflynwind]

Kool idea.

[kiyaanii mom]

Originally Posted by Gache

I am going to go hug my children right now. I cant even express how I feel about this.
As much as I want to do unimaginable things to this man the only way to bring justice to this little girl is to love as many lil children as you can.
Soon as my wife finishes nursing school I feel like I should adopt.

Thanks for the proactive suggestion. We all need to reachout to those kids who are suffering. And I like your suggestion.

[Eagle Plumes]

Any time I hear things like this I about squeeze the stuffin out my kiddos and they look at me and say your doing that mom thing again arent you!!! and i say yes I am and we share mega hugs and kiss's

[chazziff]

things like this do make me hug my kids more and harder .. lol .. just squeeze em!!

and remember ... if you know of any person .. child, woman even men who are being abused, call ... you're call may be the call that SAVES their lives.

and i really dont understand why a woman would stay in such an abusive relationship ... a couple of my own sisters were in very very abusive relationships in their younger days -

i remember my parents going to pick them up and them being in our living room with black eyes, broken arms ... and i just thought "why?" (i began not to care when the calls came - "ask dad to come pick me up" - to only know that in a couple of days she'd go back after the bruises faded.) it wasnt until my mom told my one sister that she wasnt going to come pick her up anymore - she was tired of it, that she finally left him. they told her if she wanted to go back she could stay there and the only way they were going back there to pick her up was to pick up her body becuz thats where she was heading if she stayed with him ....

and it wasnt until recently that my niece told me of her beatings from her step-father for not being one of his own children ...

i am sooo scared for my daughters ... of who they could end up with. what kind of men they will fall in love with, i only hope they find someone like i did - their father.

and remember if you really want to help kids in danger - become a foster parent, many agencies are in dire need of foster homes. good foster homes - ones that really want to help the children who need the help not ones that are in it for the $$ (in most areas it isnt very much - but hey it shouldnt be about the money). most often than not - agencies have to return children back to unsafe homes or leave them in unsafe homes becuz their are no safe homes available to take them to ...

[ndldy68]

I can say that I was in a relationship that was physical and emotional. I knew what was going on and how did I stay with him? I thought it was love. For most women, it is hard to get out because you know that person is still out there. And most of the time we/they are threated. I can say that I am now out of that relationship and after 10 years of the abuse. I have a lot to be thankful. I am glad that he never hurt the kids. But if I stayed there any longer, who knows if he would have. I say thank you for my family and the support that they have gave and continue to give me and my three children.
I read this story and I cried. Because the love that I have for my children, I could not see how anyone would let this happen. I went home and looked at my children and I hugged them and said that I would always protect them.
May god bless everyone and your families.

[chazziff]

it good to hear that you got out and stayed out for yourself and most importantly your children ...

but it is hard to have that family support stay through the thick and thin - my parents just did that hard love approach to get my sister to see where she would be heading if she choose to stay. it WAS a big bargain on their part (i do see that) - she could have easily stayed there and got beat to death ... for this "great love." i'm sure it broke their hearts to tell her that they werent going to go pick her up anymore ... and she did say "you're abandoning me" one time to them.

but it is a messed up image of love to allow someone to beat your child to death and to "stand by your man" while he does it

[*Brown Eyed Gurl*]

U dont know it til u have lived it...my mom put up with it for 18 yrs before she really left....but she left us behind...and at the age of 9 i took her place so to speak...and it was like that till the day i got kicked out..when i was 16..i know what its like to be there..and what its like to wanna run away..or to even want that one beating to just kill u and get it over with....but at that same time...i used to tell my friends to just leave..or they will end up dead..i had 3 goot friends that left their men..but they werent really men tho were they

[Blackbear]

Originally Posted by butterflynwind

I was not talking about this story at first.I was talking in general.This came to mind when I watched on tv about alittle girl Yesterday.She was from OKlahoma.They found her in a neighbors apartment.

I just read about that story last night and that's downright scary as hell! But that's not an abuser, that's a freak on wheels!

[butterflynwind]

I totally agree with you Blackbear.That is one sick animal.

[RezBluesGirl]

I agree with Brown Eyed Gurl. Forget the statistics and cycles and the studies of battered women, unless you have lived it or witnessed it first hand, you don't really know. Every person handles troubled situations differently. We all can stand around and say "Well I would have done this" or "They should have done this" but in reality things don't always go as smooth as we would like to think. Macalia stayed with him not out of love but out of fear of him and his family. Believe it or not, there are some families that like to think that they can intimidate others. Just like in your own reservation communities, we all know who the trouble makers usually are. That is to say if you live on a reservation. On another note, Marcela was Native American, therefore her story did not have national publicity. We like her story to be known through out the land, so that people will think twice before they choose to ignore similar situations. Here on our reservation the only organization (will not mention) that tried to help Macalia's grandmother in getting her away from Andy before something tragic happened, also recieved threats from Andy Yellowbear's family. Even when the family would succeed in getting Macalia out that situation he would track her down and convince her to come back, even as far as threating Macalia's own grandmother with death if she didn't return to him. It was amazing how much priviledges he was given even while he was incarcerated during the trial. He had access to a phone, a fax machine and who knows what else to intimidate certain individuals. This man I feel is Satan himself. He sat in the court room and showed no remorse or any sign of emotion, but no surprise there he was like that at the funeral of Marcela. I pray that you or your loved ones won't ever have to live with or encounter a man like Andy Yellowbear.

[jingledancer_1997]

i read this and i couldn't stop crying i just want to go home and hug my babies baby girl you now have your wings on again so you will never feel pain you are now the most beautiful up there in heaven

[Tinyoak]

Two words for the prison system...General Population. Wierd as it is, even inmates don't tollerate these types. On a serious not I could barely get through this heartbreaking article without glancing at my 4 year old daughter and breaking down even more. I cannot fathom how or why someone could do such a thing. As far as the mother---and keep in mind this is my own opinion--I can't have sympathey for her at all. She says she loved him before he killed her daughter, but my question is...did she love her daughter more than him? Personally, my life would be of little importance when it comes to my children. At the hands of a man like this I may lose, but I would either take him with me or at the very least go down fighting. Sooner or later this man had to have slept and as bad as it may sound, in my eyes, he would have not woken up again.