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Old 10-08-2004, 06:13 PM   #1
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Unhappy Breaking up with my girlfriend...

Hey everyone
I just wanted some tips and some help on breaking up with a good girl who I don't want to hurt...
I hate to admit, but I'm starting to fall for her and last time that happened, I got hurt and I don't want that feeling again. So what do I say to her? I want to be friends? help...
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Old 10-08-2004, 07:13 PM   #2
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sorry i've never broken up with a girl before..so i can't help ya there! :p
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Old 10-08-2004, 07:45 PM   #3
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Where do I start?

You said she is a good girl, you don't want to hurt her, you are starting to fall for her. But you want to break up before you get hurt.

Damn dude, where is your courage.

Here is what you say, "Nice Girl, who deserves much better, I'm breaking up with you, because I'm scared of being hurt. So move on and find someone who will appreciate you and do everything in his power to be with you, because you deserve that."

Then you leave and don't ever call her, or write to her, email her or bother her again.

Hopefully she will get over her hurt (you're causing) and find a real man!

Do I sound too harsh? Life's harsh AND sometimes you're going to get hurt!
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Old 10-08-2004, 07:47 PM   #4
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Red face

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron
Hey everyone
I just wanted some tips and some help on breaking up with a good girl who I don't want to hurt...
I hate to admit, but I'm starting to fall for her and last time that happened, I got hurt and I don't want that feeling again. So what do I say to her? I want to be friends? help...
So, because you got hurt once before when you fell for some girl you are going to bail on this one now? That's the beginning of a real sad pattern, Aaron. Really mature. And asking others to do your dirty work and find the easiest way to 'dispatch' her is a cop out.

Speaking from experience that is the easy way out. Start dating someone, when things start getting to the emotionally involved stage...walk away. After all, they might hurt YOU. Life is, unfortunately, full of hurts and disappointments. And, we can carry pain along time after these experiences. But let's look at this. If your initial comments can be taken at face value and you aren't just BSing us and yourself (i.e. you are actually bored, tired of her and she's not fun anymore now that you've 'had' her), you have said she is a 'good girl'. Define good. And while you are at it, how do you view yourself? You deserve a 'good' girl, right? Of course! So, here you are with a 'good girl'.

Flashback. Suzie Q, your last girlfriend, was a nice girl once (we'll assume) and for reasons only you know, that relationship didn't work. Relationships usually fail due to contributions of questionable worth by both parties, not just one individual. In other words, you will relate to Suzie Q in one way because she relates to you in her particular way because both of you are products of your environment, upbringing and previous experiences. Follow? So, that relationship ended for whatever reason and it was PAINFUL. Yep. That's how it is.

So, you meet Judy Jones. She seems like a nice girl. She's got a history, too, with other guys maybe and she's got memories of how she was treated, or what characteristics she likes in a boyfriend. So, you start dating and all the time in your subconscious you are 'futurizing' and thinking 'I bet Judy is going to be thinking just like Suzie'. You don't ask Judy what she is actually thinking or why she does certain things, etc., you base assumptions and expectations on your previous experience with Suzie. Which is sorta setting Judy up for failure because you are always comparing her to Suzie. Scarey thing is, she could be doing the same number on you! So, things are chugging along and you actually get to a real comfortable point with each other--too comfortable, maybe. The old brain starts saying, 'yeah, this is about the time that ol' Suzie started (pick one): thinking, doing X, Y or Z. And, then your brain says 'Hey, you don't want to go down this road with Judy. It just MIGHT end up like it did with Suzie--you're gonna get hurt, feel bad...don't go there'.

Whoa! Instead of just dropping the 'good girl' and hurting HER, how about treating her with respect (even though Suzie didn't give you that respect so why should you give it to Judy?) and sitting down with her and saying "Gee, when you do that it makes me nervous." Or, "What are you thinking? feeling?" And, "I like you alot Judy, but I've had some bad experiences before and we're moving a little fast." Women PRIZE communication. Nothing makes most of us more tweaked then when guys don't communicate. We like to be made to feel we are part of a decision; part of the relationship and not just a bystander to this little drama we've become involved in.

But, Aaron, just ignore all of the above if you've already made the decision you don't really want her, or want to make a go of it; because the next cruelest thing you can do to someone is hold onto them for the wrong reasons. THAT will hurt eventually--and it will hurt BOTH of you..........
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Old 10-08-2004, 07:54 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kiyaanii mom
Where do I start?

You said she is a good girl, you don't want to hurt her, you are starting to fall for her. But you want to break up before you get hurt.

Damn dude, where is your courage.

Here is what you say, "Nice Girl, who deserves much better, I'm breaking up with you, because I'm scared of being hurt. So move on and find someone who will appreciate you and do everything in his power to be with you, because you deserve that."

Then you leave and don't ever call her, or write to her, email her or bother her again.

Hopefully she will get over her hurt (you're causing) and find a real man!

Do I sound too harsh? Life's harsh AND sometimes you're going to get hurt!
EXACTLY!!
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Old 10-08-2004, 07:54 PM   #6
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Smile Good Luck

heylo. so you wanna break up with her...but you dont wanna hurt her...thatz kinda like a lost cause budd. i mean either way she gonna get hurt. but just say what *kiyaanii mom* said...than youre good to go...:). maybe you guys will be good friends. good luck.
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Old 10-08-2004, 07:56 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spirit of Seattle
So, because you got hurt once before when you fell for some girl you are going to bail on this one now? That's the beginning of a real sad pattern, Aaron. Really mature. And asking others to do your dirty work and find the easiest way to 'dispatch' her is a cop out.

Speaking from experience that is the easy way out. Start dating someone, when things start getting to the emotionally involved stage...walk away. After all, they might hurt YOU. Life is, unfortunately, full of hurts and disappointments. And, we can carry pain along time after these experiences. But let's look at this. If your initial comments can be taken at face value and you aren't just BSing us and yourself (i.e. you are actually bored, tired of her and she's not fun anymore now that you've 'had' her), you have said she is a 'good girl'. Define good. And while you are at it, how do you view yourself? You deserve a 'good' girl, right? Of course! So, here you are with a 'good girl'.

Flashback. Suzie Q, your last girlfriend, was a nice girl once (we'll assume) and for reasons only you know, that relationship didn't work. Relationships usually fail due to contributions of questionable worth by both parties, not just one individual. In other words, you will relate to Suzie Q in one way because she relates to you in her particular way because both of you are products of your environment, upbringing and previous experiences. Follow? So, that relationship ended for whatever reason and it was PAINFUL. Yep. That's how it is.

So, you meet Judy Jones. She seems like a nice girl. She's got a history, too, with other guys maybe and she's got memories of how she was treated, or what characteristics she likes in a boyfriend. So, you start dating and all the time in your subconscious you are 'futurizing' and thinking 'I bet Judy is going to be thinking just like Suzie'. You don't ask Judy what she is actually thinking or why she does certain things, etc., you base assumptions and expectations on your previous experience with Suzie. Which is sorta setting Judy up for failure because you are always comparing her to Suzie. Scarey thing is, she could be doing the same number on you! So, things are chugging along and you actually get to a real comfortable point with each other--too comfortable, maybe. The old brain starts saying, 'yeah, this is about the time that ol' Suzie started (pick one): thinking, doing X, Y or Z. And, then your brain says 'Hey, you don't want to go down this road with Judy. It just MIGHT end up like it did with Suzie--you're gonna get hurt, feel bad...don't go there'.

Whoa! Instead of just dropping the 'good girl' and hurting HER, how about treating her with respect (even though Suzie didn't give you that respect so why should you give it to Judy?) and sitting down with her and saying "Gee, when you do that it makes me nervous." Or, "What are you thinking? feeling?" And, "I like you alot Judy, but I've had some bad experiences before and we're moving a little fast." Women PRIZE communication. Nothing makes most of us more tweaked then when guys don't communicate. We like to be made to feel we are part of a decision; part of the relationship and not just a bystander to this little drama we've become involved in.

But, Aaron, just ignore all of the above if you've already made the decision you don't really want her, or want to make a go of it; because the next cruelest thing you can do to someone is hold onto them for the wrong reasons. THAT will hurt eventually--and it will hurt BOTH of you..........
Whew SOS! I guess we both bring a lot of baggage, oops I mean experience. To this guys love life.....
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Old 10-08-2004, 08:01 PM   #8
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Wow, you guys are better than Ann Landers! I hope Aaron reads all that, triggers in on the key: "communication" and can tell that girl just what he posted.

Like you're "a good girl who I don't want to hurt...
I hate to admit, but I'm starting to fall for" you "and last time that happened, I got hurt and I don't want that feeling again. I want to be friends."
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Old 10-08-2004, 08:08 PM   #9
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Wink

Quote:
Originally Posted by kiyaanii mom
Whew SOS! I guess we both bring a lot of baggage, oops I mean experience. To this guys love life.....
Yep, Sister, we sure do!!!
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Old 10-09-2004, 12:21 AM   #10
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Talking Dang Dude....

I'm Glad I aint in your shoes...:P...first bein in that situation, then gettin chewed out on the net......but hope that stuff works out for ya...
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Old 10-09-2004, 01:12 AM   #11
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Wink

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dat1NdnGuy
I'm Glad I aint in your shoes...:P...first bein in that situation, then gettin chewed out on the net......but hope that stuff works out for ya...
Hey you! What I said wasn't chewin'; I just think that when it comes to 'love' stuff we aren't always honest with ourself or others. Hopefully by sharing our 'female perspective' Aaron won't screw up his situation like others have. That's all. Now, if I was 'chewin' I would called him a few choice names like 'butthead', etc., but I tried to play nice! :42:
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Old 10-09-2004, 01:54 AM   #12
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My bad.

O ok....
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Old 10-09-2004, 05:47 AM   #13
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How bout I tell you what I think you really wanna hear.... don't break up with her.

Why not just go to her and say.. Hey, I like you, and I'm getting to where I like you more and I have been hurt once before and i don't want that to happen again. Are we going anywhere with this relationship? See what she says... if she does'nt think it will, well then it will be easy to break up.. If she don't know, why not find out together, and if she is hoping it will go to higher levels, well then dude, you got it made right?

Being hurt does'nt feel good that's for sure, and most of us here can feel for ya cause we've been there ourselves. But you gotta move on and take chances or you're just gonna be scared the rest of your life or worse yet, become one of those guys that hurts the girl first just to have the upper hand and I doubt you wanna go there.
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Old 10-09-2004, 02:18 PM   #14
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Wink

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dat1NdnGuy
O ok....
Nah! You be good, your just doing' the ol' boys club thingy...got support your bro! :huddle:
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Old 10-09-2004, 04:39 PM   #15
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being hurt in a relationship is a painful process to deal with I think we all have been there at one time or other but i feel the important thing to remeber is that whatever baggage you havent dealt with from the previous relationship will carry into the next. I Do like the suggestion that maybe you dont have to break up with your GF but you may want to express to her your own feelings of apprehensiveness, see what she says. She may be a strong woman and be able to help you through those feelings, dont cut her short because you have insecurities which stem from your last partnership OR IF you do break up with her maybe deal with those feelings before you start dating again. All the best as you make your OWN decision.
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Old 10-09-2004, 09:18 PM   #16
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I totally agree with Blackbear.. Here here for blackbear!
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Old 10-10-2004, 04:42 PM   #17
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ummmm just go out and get really drunk and call her up and tell her that you want to break up with her! LOL...then when she asks you why..say.. well thats the beer talking! LOL :Chatter

jk man LOL... I hope you get through this..

but yeah...

KMOM HAS SOME GOOD POINTS THERE! :man:
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Old 10-11-2004, 12:56 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kiyaanii mom
Where do I start?

You said she is a good girl, you don't want to hurt her, you are starting to fall for her. But you want to break up before you get hurt.

Damn dude, where is your courage.

Here is what you say, "Nice Girl, who deserves much better, I'm breaking up with you, because I'm scared of being hurt. So move on and find someone who will appreciate you and do everything in his power to be with you, because you deserve that."

Then you leave and don't ever call her, or write to her, email her or bother her again.

Hopefully she will get over her hurt (you're causing) and find a real man!

Do I sound too harsh? Life's harsh AND sometimes you're going to get hurt!
YEAH!!..n by the way...wuts the point in having a girlfriend if your never going to take it to the next level??..
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Old 10-11-2004, 05:20 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron
Hey everyone
I just wanted some tips and some help on breaking up with a good girl who I don't want to hurt...
I hate to admit, but I'm starting to fall for her and last time that happened, I got hurt and I don't want that feeling again. So what do I say to her? I want to be friends? help...

DUDE, DUDE, DUDE!!!! If you like her be a man and let her know. If you break up with her just because you have been hurt before than you are going to never know if it could have worked. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!!!!! who said that..anyway..DUDE!!! word up....take a chance!!
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Old 10-11-2004, 06:58 PM   #20
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Red face Hey guy.........

I need some info before I can spout my knowledge..........
How old are you?

There are different answers one can give.....if your 32 and acting this way you have ISSUES. IF your 15 and talking this way you have issues of a different sorts.
Don't get me wrong, breaking up hurts no matter what age.

Again, if I had your age or an estimate, I could give proper advice.
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