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Old 01-16-2004, 11:33 AM   #1
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Deeply Hurt

Hello all
I really need some support right now....if you have any words of comfort please send them my way.
I guess it goes something like this. I just found out my husband is having an affair with a co-worker. I didn't believe it at first but I seen them together way to many times now and his excuse of "were just working together" don't cut it anymore. he's moved out, everytime I try to talk to him he gets mad and walks away. doesn't bother to come home to watch his kids on his days off. I need to let go and accept that he don't love me anymore but i'm still hanging on. I'm in love with a man who don't give a crap about me. As you can tell i'm hurting today..Please HELP! :(
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Old 01-16-2004, 12:26 PM   #2
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Hey acoma - I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. I don't know what I can say to help ease the hurt but know that I and others are thinking of you and sending prayers your way!:Angel2
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Old 01-16-2004, 12:33 PM   #3
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OOh thank you so much singing eagle. it's been very hard. I never saw this coming at all. I'm just hurting so much I sometimes don't know what to do.
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Old 01-16-2004, 12:38 PM   #4
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Things I'd suggest you look into:

A family lawyer to ensure your children receive child support

Bank manager - to begin closing joint accounts and also to protect your assets.

Even though you may not require shelter services, you could call a women's shelter and see if they have info on resources in your area - they're likely to have the most up to date lists and numbers. maybe they can recommend a therapist to help you to process what is happening.

I'm here if you want to vent!


Last edited by Singing Eagle; 01-16-2004 at 12:40 PM..
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Old 01-16-2004, 01:16 PM   #5
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I'm sending the best of thoughts to you and your family. Just know that this deep pain and heartache you have now will lessen with time. I know this sounds futile now but keep reminding yourself that tomorrow comes with new hope.

I would like to add to Singing Eagle's excellent advice that you not wait hoping your husband will come back but go ahead and take action. Even if things work out between you two it will have shown him how strong you are without him.
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Old 01-16-2004, 01:18 PM   #6
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Now that you know about the affair, it's time to move on. I'm sure it had been bugging you for a while. Now you know the truth even if it hurts. But you know what? Despite losing him, you'll gain something even better---finding yourself.

Despite all this, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault that he's a liar and a cheat. Just be strong. Hang in there. We're here for support.
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Old 01-16-2004, 01:34 PM   #7
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acoma...everyone here has great thoughts for you. Our prayers are with you and thier are plenty of people her to talk to if you need to vent or just a shoulder to cry on... :) hold your head up high and always remember you are a strong woman.
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Old 01-16-2004, 01:58 PM   #8
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Lightbulb Acoma

Hi Acoma! Hang in there...I can almost feel that pain you have, my prayers are going out to you. Take care of yourself and your children. If you are feeling sad, pray to the creator, he works in good mysterious ways. :Angel2
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Old 01-16-2004, 02:55 PM   #9
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hahhaha we need a bad men support group! hahaha ok dang send all HATE EMAILS to MATO WINYAN! hahahah jks

awww ...ummm... girl keep your chin up. Sometimes its better to be on your own rather than take yo man's cheating ways. CUZ if he does it to ya and u stay with him its like telling him he can do it again... and again and again.

u got some good advice ^^^... Good luck with everything...

U always got the board here when u wanna vent and need some support! the peeps on this board are very helpful in times of need.
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Old 01-16-2004, 03:44 PM   #10
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I'm am so sorry acoma I know what you going through I have been there. it's not easy, and I don't know you, but I believe your a strong woman and you'll get through this & everyone here on pw's.com is here to suppor you, please get your fiance's in order.
my ex- stopped putting money in our account & started a new one< I did not know this & when I wrote out the checks to pay the bills they all bounced.
& as far as him not talking to you, he'll get over it he has no reason to be. angry with you. You didn't do anything wrong
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Old 01-16-2004, 03:47 PM   #11
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ooooh you guys...I knew I could come here and get some much needed support.
I'll have to honestly say I feel down and out and it's been so hard. we have been married 15 years, and so many powwow memories, right now I don't think I could ever even go to another powwow or listen to powwow music. It's especailly harder on my kids. I see and feel their pain.
It's even harder when I think about them working together now, I see his affair around town and she's so HAPPY, she stood behind me at the store and didn't even care.
I wish I was angry but i'm not i'm hurt and sad most of the time. He's blamed me for everything he could think of, I don't believe what he says i'm just more hurt that he has the nerve to try and blame me and walk away and not even feel bad for what he'd said to me. He just don't even care and i can't get THAT!! HE DON"T LOVE ME!! then how come I can't get it through my thick head and get mad and move on I CAN"T.
I'm sorry you guys it's just hard.
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Old 01-16-2004, 03:57 PM   #12
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Anger will not saulve anything, it just causes more stress
I have no Anger or hatred toward my Ex, I have learned he is who he is & nothing I can say or do will change that, my boys were hurt & confused at first now they are happy & love us both they live with me, & they are little by little learning about their dad. I was married to him for 19 years
do not say anythin bad about him to your kids it is not heathy.
Vent all you want here. :)
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Old 01-16-2004, 04:26 PM   #13
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thanks ginger..I haven't done nothing about anything our bills are still collecting dust i'm worried about our bills but I'm more worried about our lil family. How could he? I just want to know WHY? he won't even say why? he just gets mad at me, and runs off. he won't even come by to see his kids or watch them when he's off. HE's lost it!
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Old 01-16-2004, 04:30 PM   #14
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I don't really know what to say.I found my best friend who was my girlfriend and was supose to be my wife this year in bed with another man about 3 months ago.I still am not over it but I have to move on.Sometimes I feel like just giveing up on everything,But I do have friends out there that do help out at times.I am always putting my heart out on my sleaves so everyone can use it or hurt it.I am to kind hurted for my own good says my Mom.I know how hard it is to catch someone like that.I been there all my life,One after another.Its not easy but I am here for anyone that wants to talk or needs a friend.......

John Moore:D
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Old 01-16-2004, 04:39 PM   #15
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If anyone wants to chat with me.I am always around a computer.My e mail address is.Dreamweaversoultaker oreagletail11 ordreamweaversoultaker or eagletail2000
I will answer anyone that wants to chat........

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Old 01-16-2004, 04:50 PM   #16
I'M NASSSTTTYYYYYY!!!!!!
 
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Acoma,

You probably will never know why. Sometimes people do things without even knowing why they do it. AND, it sounds like he doesn't want to admit the hurt and pain he has caused you by doing this selfish act. I can't believe the way that that other girl is acting. Dayum, she has to have pretty low self-esteem for not feeling guilty about breaking up a family--but they did that together.
Anyway, take the advice of the fellow posters, and just remember that you have lots of support here.
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Old 01-16-2004, 05:19 PM   #17
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Hang in there ACOMA.... Hugs....:).
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Old 01-16-2004, 05:29 PM   #18
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hang in there girl, keep us posted :D
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Old 01-16-2004, 10:42 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by acoma pueblo
OOh thank you so much singing eagle. it's been very hard. I never saw this coming at all. I'm just hurting so much I sometimes don't know what to do.

Ok, I think you are more likely in denial. I was married once. The man cheated on me constantly. I always knew in my heart that he was, but I choose not to even think about it. Was married to him for 2 years and I can not even tell you how many women he was with. He finally left me and I was heart broken. I know how you feel when you say that you love a man and he does not love you back. I loved him for two years after he left me and the divorce went through. In reality, all women know in their heart if their man is cheating on them. It isn't something that just happens and you find out when he is done with you, you know in your heart and you suspect it and then it becomes a fact.
Please do not get me wrong. I am not trying to scold you or be cruel and I am honestly feeling for you. I am praying for you that this transisition will go a little smoother for you. I am a very caring person and understand totally what you are going through.
I will say this. You ask that you can stop loving the man, but you can not. Once you love a person it never ends. The hurt is there now, I feel horrible for you knowing the pain you feel. I wish there was a way I could tell you to get rid of the pain, but there is no way. There is one thing though, if you have the full custody of the kids and they are his, you have the best part of him. No matter what those kids will always love you. You are their mother, you brought them to life, you nurished them, cared for them and gave them life.
If you are getting a divorce like it sounds like you are, you can have the judge rule that he pays all your bills and you won't have to worry about it. Plus you could have him pay alimony and child support as well. You can get it all and he will have nothing.

I am going to be praying for you. I honestly will.
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Old 01-16-2004, 11:10 PM   #20
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Hello Acoma...thanks for sharing your emotional pain...sorry to hear that you're experiencing such a heartache and loss of dreams, but you and he will always have your kids. The marriage may have ended, but it's the kids who are caught in the middle, unfortunately. If they see that you are there for them and yourself emotionally, the adjustment would be smoother for them as time heals those delicate wounds. I was married for 12 years but my circumstances was different when I had to file for my divorce. Regardless of how marriages end, it still hurts a lot after three years; nonetheless, I know in my heart this experience has made me grow stronger and independent. My children are my strength for without them, I would not have sustained the emotional pain to carry through and heal. The most important thing to remember is to take care of yourself before you can take care of your precious gifts, your children. Sounds like the peeps at Powwow.com are ready to provide you with the support as you begin the grief process. Also remember there is professional help, if necessary, for the children as well.
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