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Old 06-28-2005, 03:48 PM   #1
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Question Need advice

I need help/advice on how to communicate with my DH.

Example: Yesterday I was combing 2 yo DD's hair and discovered lice. I called DH and told him. He is the Primary Policy Holder for the insurance, so He has to make the dr.'s appt and get a prescription for lice treatment.
So, DH comes homes at 2 in the afternoon. I am combing dd's hair and have all the laundry ready to be washed, etc.
Long story short, he does nothing and I am hurt and confused how he can just not care/ignore the health and well-being of our children.

When confronted he first says, 'I have a lot on my mind.'
'Yeah, well, when I have a lot on my mind I STILL have think about our children!'
Then he says, 'Well, you need to remind me...'
"How is THAT FAIR!?! First I have to think about OUR children AND think about reminding YOU?? How is that fair?"

So, how do I communicate this to him?
This is what I want from him:
When the kids and I visit my friend Jessica, I can sit and relax. I know that there is another responsible adult who is actively thinking about my children and will immediately assist in any crisis. I am not saying i can 'forget' about my kids, who can? But I don't have to have them on my mind every second. I feel like I can relax and 'peek' in on them from time to time. I guess I just feel like we are safe. And I realized the other day that I don't have this feeling with DH. That feeling is what I want to share with DH, but if I can't, then I want to be able to accept that, so the rest of our relationship can bloom, ykwim?

Any advice?
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Old 06-28-2005, 08:35 PM   #2
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Your local drug store will have lice treatments on the shelves no need for a script. After 21 years with my hubby, 18 of them as husband and wife, I've learned to just handle most things myself and if I really want him to get the message either write him a note and put it on his pillow, or have the kids tell him. THEM he listens too! When you treat your daughters lice, go around and wash everything she has been on or around and do a preventive treatment on yourself and all others in the household. You have to wash the curtains, linens ect... We had to deal with this problem when my daughter was in 1st. grade. Turned out in her classes play time they played dress up and shared hats, so the lice spread very quickly from the 1 kid that had it to the whole class.
Good luck!
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Old 07-02-2005, 06:42 PM   #3
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Annie's got some good points... there are non-prescrip shampoos out there

also be sure to treat her pillow too... not just the pillowcase.

It is very likely that she got them from some of the kids she's been playing with and where she plays with them... when she's older, you may want to sit down with her and explain about the lice and how she got them.. then let her know that she has to be very careful about sharing things that cause the spread of lice with her friends.

as for your DH... that seems to be the norm with some men... they refuse to listen.... I can honestly say BTDT...
the X was a guy who decided that his 1-year-old daughter should be able to play with his navy ring.... what? go figure... long story short - I won the argument that day but he was still a dunce... that's why I don't claim him
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Last edited by SingingDeer; 07-02-2005 at 06:43 PM.. Reason: clarity...
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Old 07-02-2005, 06:57 PM   #4
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on a more serious note.... my hubby is nothing like the X in that I have him a bit more "trained"....

it takes a lot of time and patience... and it sounds like you're going to need a lot of that in the future. It does sound like your DH needs a reality check. Maybe while you're taking care of your children, his dinner is delayed a while??? or maybe something he really wants to wear goes unwashed a little while your children's clothes are being laundered???

Sadly most little hints are rarely effective to the man who doesn't pay attention to details. LMK if you want a few tips... (in a PM ?)
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Old 07-03-2005, 01:12 AM   #5
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Seems like all my time and patience is used up on the kids....guess I should just learn to accept and move on.
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Old 07-03-2005, 04:59 PM   #6
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Sounds like you need a break from the kids. Can they go to your parents or his for the weekend? Or maybe a mothers morning out so that you can have a bit of time just for you for a bit?
My hubby was being a real jerk the other day yelling that we had moved his badge for work and we better find it! I asked if he had checked his shirt pocket from the day before. of couse he said there was NO WAY he would put his badge there and kept saying it until I reached for the shirt still hanging on the chair where he left it and pulled his badge out of the front pocket. He slammed out of the house, while I stood there and smiled. It was either smile or throw something since he leaves at 5am.
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Old 07-03-2005, 05:53 PM   #7
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huh?
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Old 07-03-2005, 06:01 PM   #8
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Ladies,Ladies,Ladies!!

Letz go back to the DH situation/ try training the lice to leave the hair. Find something that attracts them like more hair!1 if u can't get any shampoo!

I DUNNO? IDUNNO?
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Old 07-03-2005, 06:06 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Fawn
My hubby was being a real jerk the other day yelling that we had moved his badge for work and we better find it! I asked if he had checked his shirt pocket from the day before. of couse he said there was NO WAY he would put his badge there and kept saying it until I reached for the shirt still hanging on the chair where he left it and pulled his badge out of the front pocket. He slammed out of the house, while I stood there and smiled..
WOW, that sounds sooo familiar that its scary...My hubby USED to do this. I quit touching ANYTHING that belonged to him. He quit doing it. He realized how stupid it was to blame me because he was mad at himself. I guarantee you that Mia has been married for 8 years or less. Some of these epiphanies only come with time, age and COMMUNICATION.
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Old 07-03-2005, 06:09 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SingingDeer
huh?
Why are you using the rolls eyes smiley so much lately? its kinda rude.
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Old 07-03-2005, 06:16 PM   #11
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Old 07-03-2005, 06:55 PM   #12
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rolling eyes at Annie's hubby.... not trying to be rude
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Old 07-03-2005, 07:34 PM   #13
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When he doesn't have clean clothes or dinner on the table, tell him, Oh. you didn't remind me!
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Old 07-03-2005, 07:47 PM   #14
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sounds like you've been there too LW....

I put a prayer in the prayer circle thread for you Mia.... I'll keep you in my prayers - k?
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Old 07-03-2005, 08:57 PM   #15
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by little wolf
When he doesn't have clean clothes or dinner on the table, tell him, Oh. you didn't remind me!
I keep missing you. When your online, Im not. and when I am your not. lol...Miss ya!
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Old 07-04-2005, 01:53 AM   #16
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Mia Gahdus Men are just wired that way you have to remind them right at that moment or as AF said write a note, men only think one thing at a time You just have to train him more it takes time. also the girls are right you can get the lice shampoo at the drug store also wash any stuffed animal you have & treat you & the hubby fro lice alsoremove all the bedding from all beds.
one summer I watched a few kids for some ex money & they kept getting lice even after I treated the whole house & family well one of the kids mother did not treat them selves & the lice just kept going back & forth. and take a weekend off!
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Old 07-04-2005, 12:47 PM   #17
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I read your posts about 'training' and I got to thinking ....who 'trained' me?

I was raised traditional. I grew up attending births (makes you wonder why the nearest birthing hospital is always three hours away from all the rez's?), ceremonies, got my pipe when i became a woman, sweats, powwows, i have stood up for my people, walked across my country (yeah, almost died, in hindsight it sure isn't anything i'd let MY kid do, lol! Yeah, iwas a kid, no where near legal adult age lol!)

When it came to men, I was taught to be docile(right word?).
When I wake up, i think well of my husband. What does he have to do today, and how can I help him so that his day goes well?
And, lately, it has been a real shock to find that he does not do the same
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Old 07-04-2005, 01:10 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mia Gahdus
I read your posts about 'training' and I got to thinking ....who 'trained' me?

I was raised traditional. I grew up attending births (makes you wonder why the nearest birthing hospital is always three hours away from all the rez's?), ceremonies, got my pipe when i became a woman, sweats, powwows, i have stood up for my people, walked across my country (yeah, almost died, in hindsight it sure isn't anything i'd let MY kid do, lol! Yeah, iwas a kid, no where near legal adult age lol!)

When it came to men, I was taught to be docile(right word?).
When I wake up, i think well of my husband. What does he have to do today, and how can I help him so that his day goes well?
And, lately, it has been a real shock to find that he does not do the same
MIA, I dont agree with the "TRAIN" issue. I can totally understand where you are coming from when you say you were raised to be docile. Not that I was, but I understand it.
My hubby and I are like best friends. We talk ALL the time. Probably more than most couples. I notice that communication between couples seems to be the biggest problem there is when it comes to marrige. Remember when you were dating? Did you ever spend all night just talking? Did it seem like you were the only two people in the world? You have to keep that feeling alive. It dies somewhere between kids and billls, problems and being "Too TIRED". I do agree that you need a break, but not alone. You and him need a break together to rekindle that closeness you once felt. And then try to keep the feeling. You may feel as if you are struggling against the waves and drowning. This also effects how you treat him. Try to recapture what you felt and how you treated him when you were first "In Love" with each other. Sometimes the way you treat him too can make all the difference in the world. Good luck sincerely...
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Old 07-04-2005, 02:44 PM   #19
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Thank you for your ideas, thoughts, and prayers.
Maybe I just need to switch my focus. My DH is great. A long time ago he made the decision to keep his mind, body, and soul clean from drugs and alcohol. He has always wanted to be a musician, and even tho he doesn't get paid, he still plays at events. I think that shows that he has dreams and knows how to reach them. And he's not 'stuck-up' like just interested in playing music to get rich and famous, kwim? He teaches the children in our community how to drum, sing, and dance. They make their own regalia and have an annual powwow just to honor them. I believe it's an important way to teach our children that we think highly of them. Not just our own children but ALL of them. There is not just one or two adults who are thinking about them, but a whole community of us.
He speaks his native language. He is not quite fluent, but at least he speaks and tries to communicate. He talks to our children and me. He speaks to the other children and adults in ojibwe. I think that's the best way to preserve our language. Maybe someday our children will be fluent again.

It just gets frustrating when it feels like I am doing all the work, kwim?
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Old 07-04-2005, 02:51 PM   #20
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Ikwym! Its hard on women that do all of it. But I am glad to hear how much you Love and respect your man. Maybe you could ask him to help a little because it would be good for your kids to have him more involved in that way?
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