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Old 06-13-2007, 10:43 PM   #1
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Favorite TV Episode Quote!!!

OK I was reading the Favorite Movie Quotes Thread and started thinking about favorite TV Episode's Quotes
Here are a few of my Favorites:

From Taxi:

"Reverend Jim" Ignatowski: Pssssttt... what does the yellow light mean?
Bobby Wheeler: "Slow down."
"Reverend Jim" Ignatowski: What... does... the... yellow... light... mean?
Bobby Wheeler: "Slow down"!
"Reverend Jim" Ignatowski: Whaaaat... dooooeeees... theeeee... yeeeel-looowwww... liiiiight... meeeeaaan?


From Mary Tyler Moore Show

Chuckles the Clown: [attributed] A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

Mary Richards: If it weren't for the rotten things that happen in this world we couldn't put on the news show. We should be grateful to all the people who do those rotten things. We should stop them in the streets and say, "Thank you Mr. Mugger, thank you Mr. Thief, thank you Mr. Maniac"!

Mash 4077

BJ Hunnicut: While under heavy gunfire looks at Radar and sees that he puts something in his mouth "Tranquillizer??
Radar: Shakes Head "Naw Chiclets"
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Old 06-13-2007, 11:12 PM   #2
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It was pointed out to me that my earlier Quotes all came from the 70's
So I updated
Here is from the only show in the 90's i watched
yes you guessed it
Seinfield!

Jerry: This isn't a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
[hangs up phone]

George Costanza: I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think "That's why I'm not a heterosexual."

Jerry: Boy, you sure do have a lot of friends, how come I never see any of these people?
Cosmo Kramer: They want to know how come they never see you.

Frank Costanza: My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
Elaine: You got that right.
Frank Costanza: What the hell does that mean?
Elaine: That means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
Frank Costanza: You saying you want a piece of me?
[hits his chest]
Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.
Frank Costanza: [yelling] You want a piece of me? You got it!
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Old 06-13-2007, 11:23 PM   #3
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"24" is probably my favorite TV show, and there are a pile of cool quotes from that one...the best ones from Jack Bauer...

"If you don't tell me what I want to know, then it'll just be a question of how much you want it to hurt."

"The only reason that you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you."

"I've killed two people since midnight. I haven't slept in over 24 hours. So maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are now."

"You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way."

And the coolest quote of all...

"I'm gonna need a hacksaw."

Last edited by NorthofAda; 06-13-2007 at 11:23 PM.. Reason: Typo.
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Old 06-14-2007, 05:43 PM   #4
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Barney: Maybe cause you set your standards too high. haha!

The Simpsons
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Old 06-14-2007, 06:48 PM   #5
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Old 06-16-2007, 06:06 AM   #6
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Old 06-16-2007, 10:40 AM   #7
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Old 06-16-2007, 01:53 PM   #8
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:20 PM   #9
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Jack: Oh, Will that wasn't sex. Okay, how do I explain this? Okay, when a man and a man love each other very much...
Will: No, no... Psychic Sue said I was going to spend the rest of my life with a guy named Jack.
Jack: Jack who?
Will: Jack you.
Jack: Jack me?
Will: No thanks.
************
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**********
Jack: [High on coffee, and saying speedily] Hey, friends, lovers, mothers and other strangers, you are not going to believe what just happened to me... Oh, my God, did you just see that? I almost did a half nelson, I almost bruised my delicates, my delicates, my domo arigatos, Mr tomatoes. Huge News! I have met, are you ready for this, Mr Right, well, Mr Right Now. Good night, folks, I'm here all week, Jack 2000. He works at the Jumpin Java - you know, the coffee shop on seventy second and his name is Paul and he is cute with a capital Q! And the busier it gets, the hotter he gets, and the hotter he gets the sweatier he gets, and the sweatier he gets... I forgot where I'm goin with this, but the main point is me likey he and he likey me and the best part of schezam, he gives me free iced coffee every time I go in which is every hour on the hour, good nights, and occasionally on the half hour. Ba ba ba ba ba
[blows raspberry]
*********
Grace: Tonight I'm gonna be better. I know it. Look, I've been playing with myself and I feel much more confident.
Will: Funny, it just makes me feel sleepy.

********

ok i just loved the whole show...i miss it.
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:42 PM   #10
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:49 PM   #11
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Frank?
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:55 PM   #12
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:59 PM   #13
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or the cowbell skit..which is on my myspace page atm lol
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:02 PM   #14
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Talking

i thought these were kinda funny also

'I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.'

'If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.'

'If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.'

'If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.'

'I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.'

omg..theres so many funny ones that im too lazy to post them all here...
you can look here and see eh
http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:04 PM   #15
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that is so funny!! lol
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:04 PM   #16
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or the cowbell skit..which is on my myspace page atm lol
i know that was hilarious.... thats why i want.. need more cow bell! i think ill take lessons..
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:06 PM   #17
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:10 PM   #18
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'If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."'


i said this to my granddaughter...



JK!
its more jack handy from snl
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:13 PM   #19
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'If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.'


jack handy from snl
omg my stomach hurts from laughing
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:22 PM   #20
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'If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.'

jh from snl

ok ok ill stop..some of those quotes arent that funny..specially at the end..so i dont recommend reading them all....just some of the beginning ones were funny..(that is from the link i posted earlier i mean)
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