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Old 03-12-2017, 05:20 AM   #1
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Comprehending Engineers short version

What's the difference between a mechanical engineer and an civil engineer?

The mechanical engineer builds weapons. The civil engineer builds targets.
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Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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Old 03-12-2017, 09:59 AM   #2
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A wife asks her husband, a software engineer, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."
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Old 03-12-2017, 11:18 AM   #3
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I know you all will appreciate this then ! LOL I wish it translated to German !I love this woman's stories !
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Somebody is out there somewhere, thinking of you and the impact you made in their life.
It's not me....I think you're an idiot !





There's a chance you might not like me ,

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Old 03-12-2017, 11:40 AM   #4
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Comprehending Engineers 2. Part

The Optimist: The glass is half full.
The Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
The Engineer: The glass is twice as large as it should be.
__________________
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True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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Old 03-13-2017, 09:26 AM   #5
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I love Jeanne Robertson's stuff.



The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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Old 03-13-2017, 09:28 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Broken Arrow View Post
The Optimist: The glass is half full.
The Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
The Engineer: The glass is twice as large as it should be.
...The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
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Old 03-13-2017, 09:34 AM   #7
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?"

The proton replies "I'm positive."



A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."


Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution.



What do you expect from a woman with two bumperstickers on her car, GON 2016 and "Honk if you passed p-chem". I'll just skulk back to my lab now.
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Old 03-13-2017, 10:52 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OLChemist View Post
I love Jeanne Robertson's stuff.



The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by OLChemist View Post
...The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OLChemist View Post
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?"

The proton replies "I'm positive."



A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."


Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution.



What do you expect from a woman with two bumperstickers on her car, GON 2016 and "Honk if you passed p-chem". I'll just skulk back to my lab now.
: Boo Hiss Hiss Booo
__________________
I believe blood quantums are the governments way to breed us out of existance !


They say blood is thicker than water ! Now maple syrup is thicker than blood , so are pancakes more important than family ?

There are "Elders" and there are "Olders". Being the second one doesn't make the first one true !

Somebody is out there somewhere, thinking of you and the impact you made in their life.
It's not me....I think you're an idiot !





There's a chance you might not like me ,

but there's a bigger

chance I won't care
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Old 03-13-2017, 10:54 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OLChemist View Post
What do you expect from a woman with two bumperstickers on her car, GON 2016 and "Honk if you passed p-chem". I'll just skulk back to my lab now.

I was warned by you about your joking!


Once upon a time there was an engineer who had a special touch on repairing mechanical gadgets. Working faithfully in his company for more than 30 years, he happily retired. A few years later his company contacted him. The company apparently had an insoluble difficulty with a million-dollar machine.

They had tried everything and everyone had tried but nothing succeeded. In their despire they turned to the retired engineer who had already solved so many problems. He accepted the challenge reluctantly. He needs one day to get to know the huge machine.

At the end of the day he made with chalk a small x on the machine and said:”There is the problem”. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly.

The company received a bill of 50,000 $ for his work from the engineer. They demanded an exact breakdown of his account. The engineer replied briefly: “A mark with chalk: 1 $. To know where to put the mark: 49,999 $.”

He was fully paid and lives still peacefully on pension.
(It is said to be a true story)
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__________________
Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:27 PM   #10
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A leftover from a time in another life:

We the unwilling,
led by the unqualified,
have been doing the unbelievable for so long with so little,
we now attempt the impossible with nothing.
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__________________
Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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Old 03-13-2017, 01:39 PM   #11
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Theoretical Electrical Engineering is made up of the four Maxwell equations and the Lorentz Force Law.

The rest is pure mathematics.



Greeting of the Professor to the audience on the very first lecture on Theoretical Electrical Engineering.
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__________________
Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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Old 03-13-2017, 02:27 PM   #12
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Some remains from army life decades ago and an adventure with the navy

We do not know what we want, but with all our strength.

We do not know the task, but we do the double

We have to start weakly, but then we must subside considerably

Where we are, chaos prevails, but we can not be everywhere

We work hand in hand, which one does not create, the other leaves

Money is not the key to happiness, but a very good picklock

Life is hard, cruel and unjust on the coast

Where we are is front, and when we are behind, than behind is front

Anyone who has lost the overview should at least have the courage to decide

Better to make a wrong decision than not to make a decision

Yesterday we stood at the edge, today we are a step further.

In judgment and on the high seas we are all in God's hand

In vain is death, and it is costing life
For nothing
Free
__________________
Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)

Last edited by Broken Arrow; 03-13-2017 at 02:48 PM.. Reason: Umsost = free but at the same time for nothing and here too in vain
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Old 03-14-2017, 10:27 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Broken Arrow View Post
Theoretical Electrical Engineering is made up of the four Maxwell equations and the Lorentz Force Law.

The rest is pure mathematics.



Greeting of the Professor to the audience on the very first lecture on Theoretical Electrical Engineering.

LMAO! I've been there.

In grad school, my quantum mechanics instructor was a rather famous scientist. He was also famously incomprehensible. He knew this and tried very hard to reach down to our poor lab slave level. But, he just kept missing.

The first day of class, he walked in and wrote his name and office hours on the board. (Yes, you Powerpointers, our instructors used to -- ad hoc -- inscribe our lecture presentations on dark painted boards with sticks of a compressed powdery white substance.) Then he turned to us and said: "The easiest way to visualize a wave function is to imagine an n-dimensional vector in n-dimensional space."

"N-dimensional!" As someone who routinely trips over her second left foot, I find 3 dimensions challenging enough. But, we were off. For your safety, please keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the ride vehicle at all times. Roughly 1/3 the class dropped the first day!

For the next three months, he delivered 90 min lectures in 50 mins. The unfortunates in the front row would be covered with chalk dust and fragments by the end of class. He handed out xeroxes of his notes, because you didn't dare look down to write. We used to say, "we knew how fast we were going, but had no idea where we were." By the end of the ride, a bunch of former p-chemists had staggered off to embrace the reflux condenser and become organicers.
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Last edited by OLChemist; 03-14-2017 at 10:30 AM..
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Old 03-14-2017, 12:34 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OLChemist View Post
LMAO! I've been there.
In grad school, my quantum mechanics instructor was a rather famous scientist.
I had have the misfortune to encounter two Prof's in Theoretical Engineering. The second saw himself as world wide only capable physicist on theoretical engineering, perhaps a Japanese Prof he seemed may be in reach of him. He was really a world wide famous and acknowledged expert. Upon critically reviewing the written exams of the first Prof he had to admit: His written exams are almost more difficult then mine!"

Personally, seeing how badly he treated his deputy in front of visitors, one could not respect him despite being really a capable physicist.

Luckily, there were other physicist around which were great teachers. I especially remember with kind regards those of High Frequency Techniques, Experimental Physics and the old woman of Particle Physics.


Quote:
Originally Posted by OLChemist View Post
The first day of class, he walked in and wrote his name and office hours on the board. (Yes, you Powerpointers, our instructors used to -- ad hoc -- inscribe our lecture presentations on dark painted boards with sticks of a compressed powdery white substance.)

Yeah back in the old time they used chalk. Our mathematics Prof was a well known Figure at Fort. G. Meade. In 90 minutes lecture he filled 8 boards (ours were green) in normal hand written size. But he had 30 Minutes left. Tacking up the red chalk, he started at the left board writing over the white earlier written notes.


Quote:
Originally Posted by OLChemist View Post
Roughly 1/3 the class dropped the first day!
Only the most persistent students went to his mathematics lectures. His greeting on the first lecture was: 80+ % of you will not finish. If we plow less then 80+ %, the diploma will not be recognized by the other universities worth the paper written on.


I was to occupied not to fail which I did on the first try that I did not recognize that you were there!
__________________
Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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Old 03-14-2017, 01:53 PM   #15
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It's PI (E) Day!!

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Old 03-14-2017, 02:01 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by wyo_rose View Post
It's PI (E) Day!!



Not good for the hips but very tasty!
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Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
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Old 03-14-2017, 02:02 PM   #17
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Old 03-14-2017, 02:06 PM   #18
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That feeds the circle.
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Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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Old 03-14-2017, 04:57 PM   #19
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Pi Day Jokes going around my school (K-8)


Apologies in advance to my Eskimo friends



3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!

What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi!

What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14

Mathematician: “Pi r squared” Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!

How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?… 3.14.

In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi!

What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon!

The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.

Never talk to pi. He’ll go on forever.

I just saw the movie American Pi. I gave it a rating of 3.14.

What is 1.57?… Half a pie

What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi!

What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Moon Pi.

What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Pi in the sky.

What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert?… Apple pi!

What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?…Pi in the sky by and by.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a’la mode.

Come to the nerd side, we have pi!

How far can you recite pi?… Cherry, Apple, Pecan, Blueberry…

What famous private investigator solves math problem?… Magnum PI

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?… A cow pi.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identicalrubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything theywant to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.

Albert Einstein‘s birthday was on Pi Day — March 14, 1879. Perhaps he served pie for his birthday instead of cake.

What do you get when you take a native Alaskan and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Eskimo pi.

Several Experts Several experts were all posed the following question: What is pi?

The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7″
The physicist said: “It is 3.14159.”
The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi.”
A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”
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Old 03-15-2017, 09:21 AM   #20
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Those who do know do not write and those who write may not know. Frank W. Louis, No such Agency

True peace between nations will only happen when there is true peace within people’s souls.
Black Elk

“Tell me, and I will listen.
Show me, and I will understand.
Involve me, and I will learn.”
Lakota Proverb

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origin is debated)
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