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Forum Home - Go Back > Off Topic > Chit Chat > Jokes and Humor How to Get Even.... How to Get Even....

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Old 03-26-2013, 05:51 PM   #1
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How to Get Even....

This is an honest to goodness transcription of an ad I found in the Gallipolis Journal for Gallipolis, Gallia, Ohio on Thursday, Nov. 19, 1865 (page unknown):

Quote:
WANTED Forty young men between the ages of 18 and 25, to occupy ,the stairways, vestibule and walk, of the Methodist church in Gallipolis. Pay $13 per month and rations. Preference given to those who chew tobacco and expectorate freely. No objection to swearing and the use of obscene language in the presence of ladies. Apply to the sexton or at the Mayor's office.

--Gallipolis Journal. Thursday Nov 19, 1865. p. ?

I think someone was a little ticked off!

Last edited by muskrat_skull; 03-26-2013 at 05:52 PM.. Reason: spaces
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Old 03-26-2013, 08:49 PM   #2
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I just pictured this in a very West Side Story-esque manner.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:53 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fang View Post
I just pictured this in a very West Side Story-esque manner.
Yeah, can you imagine forty people showing up for those great wages, spitting and cussing and disrespecting women and hanging around at the church and putting in applications? What a riot!
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Old 03-26-2013, 11:00 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by muskrat_skull View Post
Yeah, can you imagine forty people showing up for those great wages, spitting and cussing and disrespecting women and hanging around at the church and putting in applications? What a riot!
WOW. I wonder how many people showed up for that. I wonder if sailors got preferential treatment.
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Old 03-26-2013, 11:33 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by docat View Post
WOW. I wonder how many people showed up for that. I wonder if sailors got preferential treatment.
Its kind of like the Occupy movement only in the 1850s! for that much money they probably got alot!
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Old 03-27-2013, 07:28 AM   #6
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I'm saving this just in case.
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Old 03-27-2013, 09:16 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muskrat_skull View Post
Its kind of like the Occupy movement only in the 1850s! for that much money they probably got alot!
The 2012 equivalent: Someone posting a nice little ditty on Facebook for a giant, angry flash mob for unspecified purposes and paying everyone roughly $2,580 (going by nominal GDP per capita) for attending the event.
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:04 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by docat View Post
WOW. I wonder how many people showed up for that. I wonder if sailors got preferential treatment.
Or kitchen workers too they swear alot.
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Old 03-27-2013, 12:15 PM   #9
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My bf could get paid for being himself.
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Old 03-27-2013, 04:26 PM   #10
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I just pictured this in a very West Side Story-esque manner.
Me too! I wonder if anything really came of it.
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Old 03-29-2013, 09:07 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by White Powwow Dancer View Post
Or kitchen workers too they swear alot.

My aunt told me this GET EVEN thing that an NDN woman did.

An NDN woman went to a bank and asked for a loan. The loan officer told her that she didn't have enough collateral to get a loan. She said, well, could I get half of it and I could perhaps get by with half, and the loan officer laughed and said, "You have very little we would consider real collateral, no, not even for half."

As she was going to leave, she asked another bank worker how much a safe deposit box cost. And since she had just enough, she asked to rent one. So they gave her a moment on her own to put her items in the safe deposit box.

Into it she deposited two fish that she had wrapped in paper in the bag she was carrying. She slipped them into the box, locked it and left.

Since these were not air tight boxes, the smell shut down the bank (for a time anyway).
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Old 03-29-2013, 10:22 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docat View Post

My aunt told me this GET EVEN thing that an NDN woman did.

An NDN woman went to a bank and asked for a loan. The loan officer told her that she didn't have enough collateral to get a loan. She said, well, could I get half of it and I could perhaps get by with half, and the loan officer laughed and said, "You have very little we would consider real collateral, no, not even for half."

As she was going to leave, she asked another bank worker how much a safe deposit box cost. And since she had just enough, she asked to rent one. So they gave her a moment on her own to put her items in the safe deposit box.

Into it she deposited two fish that she had wrapped in paper in the bag she was carrying. She slipped them into the box, locked it and left.

Since these were not air tight boxes, the smell shut down the bank (for a time anyway).
That's a good one!
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:49 AM   #13
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Never mess with an ndn woman
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Old 03-30-2013, 07:30 PM   #14
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Quote:
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Never mess with an ndn woman
Now if only you can get even with kids, eh? The fish might work.
Here are other things to try:
  • Put on lots of stinky perfume
  • Hug and kiss really hard when you see them
  • Buy them really ugly or uncomfortable clothes and make them go put them on and wear them all day
  • Put on really old timey music and/or tv, like Lawrence Welk or the Sound of Music or Oklahoma
  • Cook them food they either don't like or make them eat way too much, that slows them down
  • Have no sweets or salty snacks but an old dusty candy dish containing menthol cough drops, stuck together, and a hearing aid battery
  • Make the parents do things for you on top of taking care of the kids, bug them as much as their kids do, which you ignore, become another kid
  • Oh yeah, keep the house extremely hot and keep telling everyone how cold it is and pretend to turn up the heat
  • Or, like my grandpa, let the kids play with giant lawn darts, the neighbor's trampoline, or other completely dangerous toys! Who invented those things anyway?

If you can suffer through all that, you will get even!

This isn't about getting even but if you really want to get rid of someone, play lots of melodramatic tear-jerking Christian music, tell them you are "born again" and they must attend your church, tonight, where they need to handle poisonous snakes to prove their love to God. Either that or the good brothers of the church will bring them over to the house and do the ritual there!
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:56 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muskrat_skull View Post
Now if only you can get even with kids, eh? The fish might work.
Here are other things to try:
  • Put on lots of stinky perfume
  • Hug and kiss really hard when you see them
  • Buy them really ugly or uncomfortable clothes and make them go put them on and wear them all day
  • Put on really old timey music and/or tv, like Lawrence Welk or the Sound of Music or Oklahoma
  • Cook them food they either don't like or make them eat way too much, that slows them down
  • Have no sweets or salty snacks but an old dusty candy dish containing menthol cough drops, stuck together, and a hearing aid battery
  • Make the parents do things for you on top of taking care of the kids, bug them as much as their kids do, which you ignore, become another kid
  • Oh yeah, keep the house extremely hot and keep telling everyone how cold it is and pretend to turn up the heat
  • Or, like my grandpa, let the kids play with giant lawn darts, the neighbor's trampoline, or other completely dangerous toys! Who invented those things anyway?

If you can suffer through all that, you will get even!

This isn't about getting even but if you really want to get rid of someone, play lots of melodramatic tear-jerking Christian music, tell them you are "born again" and they must attend your church, tonight, where they need to handle poisonous snakes to prove their love to God. Either that or the good brothers of the church will bring them over to the house and do the ritual there!
Oh my, well, I wouldn't want my kids to hate me. That stuff would be really really bad. Hey, these kids are supposed to look after me in my old age. They might want to GET EVEN with me then. No thank you. I've gone on my best behavior from age 50 on.

As far as the Christian stuff, I don't think they'd buy that from me...but the snake thing sounds kinda fun. The trick is grabbing them right behind the head and keep the head pointed away from you. Some of them can spit.
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Old 03-31-2013, 12:01 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muskrat_skull View Post
Now if only you can get even with kids, eh? The fish might work.
Here are other things to try:
  • Put on lots of stinky perfume
  • Hug and kiss really hard when you see them
  • Buy them really ugly or uncomfortable clothes and make them go put them on and wear them all day
  • Put on really old timey music and/or tv, like Lawrence Welk or the Sound of Music or Oklahoma
  • Cook them food they either don't like or make them eat way too much, that slows them down
  • Have no sweets or salty snacks but an old dusty candy dish containing menthol cough drops, stuck together, and a hearing aid battery
  • Make the parents do things for you on top of taking care of the kids, bug them as much as their kids do, which you ignore, become another kid
  • Oh yeah, keep the house extremely hot and keep telling everyone how cold it is and pretend to turn up the heat
  • Or, like my grandpa, let the kids play with giant lawn darts, the neighbor's trampoline, or other completely dangerous toys! Who invented those things anyway?

If you can suffer through all that, you will get even!

This isn't about getting even but if you really want to get rid of someone, play lots of melodramatic tear-jerking Christian music, tell them you are "born again" and they must attend your church, tonight, where they need to handle poisonous snakes to prove their love to God. Either that or the good brothers of the church will bring them over to the house and do the ritual there!
My family did some of that stuff to me and it helped make me into the kindhearted, beadey-eyed, old-timey music loving, corset-wearing, melancholic, sadistic B****** that I am today.... with a strange addiction to Halls Cough Drops.

As a side note, I was raised on cough drops and tums from around ages 4-9. And I still get cravings and go through a bag of cough drops at an unhealthy pace.
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Old 03-31-2013, 12:45 PM   #17
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Quote:
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My family did some of that stuff to me and it helped make me into the kindhearted, beadey-eyed, old-timey music loving, corset-wearing, melancholic, sadistic B****** that I am today.... with a strange addiction to Halls Cough Drops.

As a side note, I was raised on cough drops and tums from around ages 4-9. And I still get cravings and go through a bag of cough drops at an unhealthy pace.

Yeah, it kind of does something to you! They didn't have good cough drop flavors back then either, or tums. I preferred Vicks to Halls. And later in life liked Jaegermeister, which kind of tastes like Vicks...I wonder... I knew a girl that used to chew up alkaselter, yick! No wonder I'd rather go to my ndn relative's house. Beer, peanuts and much better music! Grandpa would take us to the neighborhood bar with him and grandma would watch cartoons with us.
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Old 03-31-2013, 12:54 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Fang View Post
My family did some of that stuff to me and it helped make me into the kindhearted, beadey-eyed, old-timey music loving, corset-wearing, melancholic, sadistic B****** that I am today.... with a strange addiction to Halls Cough Drops.

As a side note, I was raised on cough drops and tums from around ages 4-9. And I still get cravings and go through a bag of cough drops at an unhealthy pace.

Just remember Fang, what goes around comes around. You can get back at them. That's why I don't put my kids through embarrassments. Well, public ones anyway.

HEY, I thought for sure that I was the ONLY one who lacks discipline and goes through a bag of cough drops like that. I can only buy one bag at a time because if I had 3, I'd go through all of them. I love the Luden's wild cherry ones.
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