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Old 11-20-2003, 08:14 PM   #1
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Talking True Doctors Notes

True Doctor's Notes
> >
> > A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
> > to have her baby in
> > the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
> > lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her
> > underwear. Suddenly I
> > noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in
> > the
> > wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> >
> >
> > At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
> > on an elderly and
> > slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
> > "Big
> > breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be,"
> > remorsed the patient.
> > Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
> > told a wife that her
> > husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
> > Not
> > more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
> > to the rest of the
> > family that he had died of a "massive internal
> > fart." Dr.
> > Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> >
> > I was performing a complete physical, including the
> > visual acuity test.
> > I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
> > began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He
> > read the 20/20 line
> > perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
> > "Now
> > both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't
> > even read the large E
> > on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had
> > done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
> > with both of his
> > eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
> > exam. Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> >
> > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> > with his cardiologist,
> > he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
> > trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I
> > asked. "The patch.
> > The nurse told me to put on a new one every six
> > hours
> > and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
> > him quickly undress
> > and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes,
> > the
> > man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
> > instructions include
> > removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
> > Dr.
> > Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk,
> >
> > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> > "So how's your
> > breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
> > the
> > Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
> > taste," the patient
> > replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
> > produced
> > a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Dr. Leonard
> > Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> >
> > and Finally . . . . .
> >
> > A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
> > embarrassed
> > performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
> > embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of
> > whistling softly.
> > The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing
> > this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
> > embarrassed him. He
> > looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
> > sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,
> > but the song you
> > were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
> > Wiener'." --won't admit his name


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