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Search: Posts Made By: alumphfres
Forum: Jokes and Humor 01-23-2019, 12:11 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 302
Posted By alumphfres
Eight Important Facts

Number 8 – Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 7 – Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 6 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 5 –...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 01-22-2019, 10:54 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 287
Posted By alumphfres
Medical Advice

Wal-Mart has installed a medical machine, that for $ 10.00 and a urine sample, would diagnose any condition. When my husband went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read, “You have tennis...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 11-27-2018, 12:45 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 283
Posted By alumphfres
Show 'em your badge...

A couple of Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) officers stopped at Sandy Bay First Nation and talked to an old Indian standing on the road.

He told the old Indian, "I need to inspect this land...
Forum: War Discussion 11-11-2018, 12:03 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 346
Posted By alumphfres
Happy Veterans Day

To all my warrior friends within the Teton Lakota Oglala tribe, Cheyenne River Sioux Tribes, Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla and around the world, Happy Veterans Day.
Forum: Jokes and Humor 10-28-2018, 12:30 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 392
Posted By alumphfres
Ain't it the truth...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni®...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 10-27-2018, 07:28 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 287
Posted By alumphfres
Oh. my golly!!!

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.

Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 10-23-2018, 10:05 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 289
Posted By alumphfres
Getting Older

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so,"...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 10-19-2018, 12:53 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 336
Posted By alumphfres
Contract

A husband died. A few years later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes. "Darling, oh how I've missed you! The husband extends his arms...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 10-03-2018, 11:04 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 290
Posted By alumphfres
True Deer Hunting Story

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Carl, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 09-26-2018, 01:55 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 299
Posted By alumphfres
Preparing to lose weight - Seriously

Diet Day 1:

I have removed all the bad from my house. It was delicious.
Forum: Jokes and Humor 09-24-2018, 07:29 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 287
Posted By alumphfres
I Wear the Pants in this Family

I wear the pants in this family. My wife says I only have two faults - I don't listen and something else...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 09-24-2018, 06:58 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 298
Posted By alumphfres
Pay Attention...

You had better get over here and clean up this mess or I swear to God I will passive aggressively sigh and pick it up myself!
Forum: Jokes and Humor 09-17-2018, 11:34 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 276
Posted By alumphfres
Super Lazy

I'm Super Lazy today.

It's like Normal Lazy, but I'm wearing a cape...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 08-27-2018, 10:53 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 402
Posted By alumphfres
And You Wonder Why We Think You're Crazy

Do you ever want to say something that’s pissing you off, but you know it will start trouble or an argument, so you hold it inside and let it drive you crazy.
Forum: Jokes and Humor 08-14-2018, 12:33 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 369
Posted By alumphfres
Parenting...

Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone’s yelling, everything’s sticky, someone's always cryin', it’s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes…
Forum: Chit Chat 08-13-2018, 08:25 PM
Replies: 9,988
Views: 375,262
Posted By alumphfres
OK, maybe I'm being overly critical. Are there...

OK, maybe I'm being overly critical. Are there any more colors for consideration besides those being offered?
Forum: Chit Chat 08-12-2018, 11:17 PM
Replies: 9,988
Views: 375,262
Posted By alumphfres
R e a l l y ?

R e a l l y ?
Forum: Jokes and Humor 08-12-2018, 10:54 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 401
Posted By alumphfres
Golden Age

They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My wife has scolded me numerous times for leaving my car keys in the ignition. She’s afraid that the car could be...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 08-06-2018, 11:46 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 443
Posted By alumphfres
Fishing for Bass

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.

Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 08-02-2018, 04:47 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 402
Posted By alumphfres
It's All In The Formula

Dear Algebra;

Stop asking us to help you find your X

She’s never coming back and don’t ask Y
Forum: Chit Chat 07-30-2018, 02:13 PM
Replies: 9,988
Views: 375,262
Posted By alumphfres
Anything? You can't handle Anything. I'm...

Anything? You can't handle Anything. I'm surprised at you're choice of colors for Anything. Ha!
Forum: Jokes and Humor 07-28-2018, 11:44 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 409
Posted By alumphfres
Wrong Florial Arrangement

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
...
Forum: Jokes and Humor 07-27-2018, 01:39 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 400
Posted By alumphfres
Support for Law Enforcement

There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m doing 50 in a 35.

And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous
Forum: Jokes and Humor 07-21-2018, 03:18 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 449
Posted By alumphfres
Real or Fake?

How are Unicorn's fake but Giraffes are real? Like what's more believable, a horse with a horn or a Leopard-Moose-Camel with a 40 foot neck?
Forum: Pow Wow Talk 07-12-2018, 01:12 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 358
Posted By alumphfres
My powwow planning calendar only goes out to this...

My powwow planning calendar only goes out to this September... Check back with me in April of next year.
Showing results 1 to 25 of 500

 
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