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Old 11-04-2006, 11:54 AM   #41
DaCotau
Kimimila
 
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: NYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxmoon
Thank you so much! I have many friends in my area only 1 is supporting me in my time of need. But I have lots of new FRIENDS here that are very good to me and have help me when I have been in need! I want to let all of you in on how I felt and how I reacted to my daughters news.I was very hurt and angry I was filled with HATE for my own mother and lots of past feelings came back that I have gone to counceling over. I dont feel good about my behavoir! I didn't understand where I failed my daughter. I felt alone and very scared but not for me but for her! I cried I shouted and I shook all over for the first 24 hours. I then was reminded to smudge and talk with the great creator. It help but truely I at first ccalled my daughter names that I should Not of called my worst enemy. I told her to get the F** out and not to come back! I am ashamed of my behavoir. I told her once the baby was born she couldn't live here I did not want to here a baby cry and that I disowned her and the baby and it was not my family and neither was she. When I felt peace and undrstanding it was only because of all of you! You all soften my heart and made me realize how imature I was being with this situation. I have apologized and asked for my daughters forgiveness and been in alot of prayer.I have heard all of your stories that you have shared and taken the time you have helped me in a way that you should be proud of. I am so sorry for doing this aweful thing. I guess I felt that I was to good to be going through this. Not that kind of good but always doing good I am the one always helping other people through there crisis and felt that I couln't have one myself!!!!!!!!You all had very good information and advice and everyone of you pointed a different topic into my heart. Of things that I had forgotten. Like how my daughter must also be very scared until I read that I hadn't even thought of how SHE was feeling. Horrible as it sounds I can honestly say no matter how old we get we always learn from our mistakes and boy I have learned alot. Our children are our best teachers sometimes! I just hope she feels my pain as well as I feel hers now. I want you all to know we have grown closer and there is still alot of room for growing I have Learned from my mistakes. My grandmother used to tell me there is no way I can have any regrets to whatever I do If I have learned from them. So I DO NOT have any regrets from this situation. Me and my daughter have talked against my husbands wishes I will be letting her stay here she will finish school and I will help if need be raise my grandchild and take care of both of them until they get on there feet. I will still pay for her to go to driving school so she can get her lisence and I will do what I can to help even going to drs and classes. I feel everything all of you have said is true and important. I will support my Daughter and baby with whatever decisions she makes. Wow I am A full fledged grown up now LOL ! I don't feel to young anymore to be a grandmother at 37! Thank you all for such great support and understanding. I hope knowbody is disgusted with the way I bahaved at first but now I have my head back and my HEART ! I would like to share a little about myself when I was young and that might help some to understand a little better!

My mother aloud boys to live with me when I was only 15 years old. But she new I was raising her with different values then she raised me my mother had me when she had just turned 17. She took me to bars when I was 12 but I was in bars before that cause she worked in them. She also let me drink and smoke legal and illegal stuff when I was only 15. She became my friend instead of being my mother. When what I really needed was a mother I had plenty of friends! But I have turned out to be a great person lots of struggles and me raising myself with my grandparents influence until I was 25. Do Not get me wrong I love my mom but I do Not agree with her methods of parenting! When I got pregnant She threatened to kick me out but I had a misscaraige then came my oldest the one that is following in my footsteps without even knowing she is. Mom tried to kick me out then but it was a scare tactic when I said fine she helped and I lived with her. She told me that nobody told her anything to help her with me so I would have to figure things out for myself. I never was around kids I was an only child and never even babysat!! I had no clue what I was doing. I was left again to fend for myself and raise myself into what I thought a parent should be. So once again I want to thank all of you for caring for the human race enough to take out of your time to talk, advice and share your stories and feelings on this matter of crisis with me it has changed many lives and some we might not even know about yet! You all will be blessed in many different ways for this!

Much love goes out to you all
You have a good and open heart. It is very difficult to speak with such honesty about ones self and family. I am sure that no matter what happens you will have the internal strength and wisdom to respond from a place of love. Some times we need a little distance and reflection to come around and see things more clearly.
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"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible"
"You cannot give the people who have wronged you so much power that they take away your dreams"
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