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I'm assuming that bloggin' is like diary entries. with comments, eh? I used to blog on Yahoo. And I used to read a blog from the guy in the picture....and make comments. So I think I'm ready to start now. LOL

I really don't have a category, I'm just here to take up space....LOL

Yanno what the wierd thing is, I haven't been to a powwow this whole year. I usually make at least 3 and then some benefit dances, but I haven't done that either. Hmmmm.

Yanno whats also wierd? I keep having this dream about ribbon work, and fringing shawls...LOL I guess it's been on my mind. I have a few shawls and alot of fringe and I haven't completed them yet. They are just sitting on the ironing board, waiting for me to find time to sit down and finish them.

What I have accomplished this year is filling all the picture frames with pictures. LOL I have 15 pictures in frames on my mantel, above the fire place, all of em are filled with pictures of my gedunks (kids) and my sistahs kids. I also have about 15 more on top of the television stand.

Oh that and alpahbetizing all of my vhs tapes and dvd's. LOL I think when I clean my room this weekend I'm gonna seperate my clothes by summer and winter and then by color.

I know I'm sounding a little disjointed....LOL I actually took some cough medicine this morning and came to work, and now I'm feeling all funny....and not funny haha, but kinda frazzled. LOL I'm sorry I usually can't take medicine, it makes me either really sleepy or I pass out from it, or I get really loopy. Like a drunk loopy with no beer. But I've had this hacking cough for a week now, and my chest hurts, my throat is sore and I need to work this week. I'm doing open enrollment for vision care for tribal IF you work for the C&A's, please forgive my loopyness....LOL

I'll be back later, I gotta do some data entry work and a little bit of filing.

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I want a beer.

Posted 04-18-2013 at 10:12 AM by Chevy_truckin_NDN
The difference between wanting a beer and needing a beer....oh hell. Lol, thanks you all for your comments. I quit drinking recently because my husband needs to be in a sober environment. I didn't want to, but I did do it because however much we terrorized each other, things needed to change for us to stay together without one of us killing the other one.

But seriously, I did fight it until the day he got out of jail. And then I quit. It was like dragging me to a dance with out my shawl or making me do an audit review with an hour notice. I still feel the cravings to have a beer though. Maybe just one or a few, or calling my sister or daughter to take me home kinda I guess it's the urge or something.

Things have changed though. I drank for longer than 20 years. Sometimes it was out of control. A few times I have hurt someone that I was with, or have been hurt myself. Whether it was physical or emotional, there was drama and there was just sloppy, floppy drunkenness. I was pretty rugged. I still haven't figured out what "hit bottom" is. I don't even know what that is.

I talked to Henry, my husband about this, and he says, everyone's bottom is different. Just because I'm indian doesn't mean that my bottom is skid row, with no kids, no job, no car. My bottom is different if it makes me uncomfortable or paranoid. I was like, hmmmm, you AA guys are something. I would not have even known that.

We are working on our relationship. It was not something that I could give up easily. There was many things I refused to do with my first husband that for Henry, I would endure. Sometimes I feel how do you say?, unappreciated. That's how I feel sometimes with Henry. But lately, it has been better. I still have a fit now and then. So all in all, I am in a happy place, and have been for a few months.

I wonder though, does this craving go away? Does the urge to order a beer leave? I have tried to broach the subject of me having a few, or I mention that I'm headed to the bar to have a few. Henry just rolls his eyes. I understand though. His sobriety means more to us...or more like, our sobriety means the continuance of our life together. So I guess I will try to suppress this craving. This craving is like a craving for an old life that I don't really need, but that I would like to revisit. No point really, I don't want to stay.
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