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I'm assuming that bloggin' is like diary entries. with comments, eh? I used to blog on Yahoo. And I used to read a blog from the guy in the picture....and make comments. So I think I'm ready to start now. LOL

I really don't have a category, I'm just here to take up space....LOL

Yanno what the wierd thing is, I haven't been to a powwow this whole year. I usually make at least 3 and then some benefit dances, but I haven't done that either. Hmmmm.

Yanno whats also wierd? I keep having this dream about ribbon work, and fringing shawls...LOL I guess it's been on my mind. I have a few shawls and alot of fringe and I haven't completed them yet. They are just sitting on the ironing board, waiting for me to find time to sit down and finish them.

What I have accomplished this year is filling all the picture frames with pictures. LOL I have 15 pictures in frames on my mantel, above the fire place, all of em are filled with pictures of my gedunks (kids) and my sistahs kids. I also have about 15 more on top of the television stand.

Oh that and alpahbetizing all of my vhs tapes and dvd's. LOL I think when I clean my room this weekend I'm gonna seperate my clothes by summer and winter and then by color.

I know I'm sounding a little disjointed....LOL I actually took some cough medicine this morning and came to work, and now I'm feeling all funny....and not funny haha, but kinda frazzled. LOL I'm sorry I usually can't take medicine, it makes me either really sleepy or I pass out from it, or I get really loopy. Like a drunk loopy with no beer. But I've had this hacking cough for a week now, and my chest hurts, my throat is sore and I need to work this week. I'm doing open enrollment for vision care for tribal employees....so IF you work for the C&A's, please forgive my loopyness....LOL

I'll be back later, I gotta do some data entry work and a little bit of filing.

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The Kill - Lyrics by 30 Seconds to Mars

Posted 09-13-2012 at 04:45 PM by Chevy_truckin_NDN
Have you heard the lyrics to The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars? Here they are...

"The Kill"


What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break...?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I'm not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me

...

I was sitting here listening to this song, the acoustic version, and I just started crying, not loud sobbing noises to be sure, but tears rolling down my face, my heart felt like it was being squeezed and I thought, these tears are about my husband. How he left me with nothing to hold onto...and then I started thinking about my sisters who did the same thing. So I think these tears are for both, what I have loved and lost. Who said it was better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? That does not even describe the pain I feel, the heartache, the isolation from my sisters that I feel today. The misery and shame that I feel every day since the break.

One of my sisters came by last nite and I thought it was like old times and then she ripped into me about how I choose "him" over them, so that I needed to suffer for doing that...that I just let him use me for everything I had and that I still had people in my house that had no reason to be there. She says, "Let me go in there and kick them out right now." And I said, "No, they are okay...Don't you remember when you needed a place to stay? You and your kids? Your friends, your men?" And she says, "We are family, they aren't, they don't deserve to be in your house."

Unfortunately, I disagree...
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docat's Avatar
Another excellent poem. I would buy a book of your poetry. You should publish it.
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Posted 04-14-2013 at 12:21 AM by docat docat is offline
Old
xTekno's Avatar
U have been through a lot that others can not even imagine.
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Posted 04-17-2013 at 07:18 PM by xTekno xTekno is offline
 
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