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Old 11-03-2006, 05:07 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxmoon
Is this a national problem or what? You can teach them values and morals and that doesn't mean crap! The justice system has made it legal for a 16 year old to consent to having sex with a 26 year old and there aint nothing us parents can do!

Excuse me. This isn't true everywhere. http://teenadvice.about.com/library/...nsentchart.htm

Check out the statutory rape law in your State. In many cases, parents can have a guy arrested for statutory rape.
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Old 11-03-2006, 05:51 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoCats
Excuse me. This isn't true everywhere. http://teenadvice.about.com/library/...nsentchart.htm

Check out the statutory rape law in your State. In many cases, parents can have a guy arrested for statutory rape.
I don't agree with the assumption either. I wouldn't be able to control my husband or myself from strangling a 26 year old for messing with my underage daughter.
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Old 11-03-2006, 06:33 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WocusWoman
I don't agree with the assumption either. I wouldn't be able to control my husband or myself from strangling a 26 year old for messing with my underage daughter.
Yep. Let's face it, older guys in particular know they are behaving inappropriately when they link up with underage girls. It shouldn't matter how 'enticing' a girl might be, guys need to learn to keep it zipped and take their testosterone to someone closer to their own age. And, while I'm thinking about it, 'age of consent' is sort of a joke, too. That chart says Canada recognizes 14 years of age. What 14 year old girl has the moxie to take on the responsibilities of a grown woman? Frankly, I don't know too many under 18 that have the capability to do this either. There's more to maturity than having reproductive capabilities. Young women are too vulnerable despite society's trying to push them into maturing earlier and earlier.
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Old 11-03-2006, 06:53 PM   #24
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I just want to say that I am a young mother of 2. I am 24 years old with a 5 year old and 3 year old. I got pregant at the age of 17 getting ready to turn 18. It wasn't anything planned but I can say that my child isn't a mistake. I didn't have anyone around to help me but you can ask anyone that knows me, my kids have the best mother that they could ever have!! You ahve to remember that things happen for a reason and when I had mine my whole life changed. I breastfed my son for 15 months until I got pregnant with my daughter. I breastfed her till she was 2 years old. There are not alot of young people out here today at that age that would do that type of thing. I did finish school, and have the opportunity to stay at home with my kids everyday all day. I guess the point I'm trying to get it is that this will probably change your daughter. Because I know it changed me. Please encourage her to stay in school if she is pregnant.
She may think it is cool be pregnant at this age but it's not. Wait till she can't hang with her friends and do what they do. And after she has the baby and wants to go hang out and can't go because she now has a responsibility that she didn't have before. It's not fun then. But like I said it changed me to where I didn't care what my friends were doing I was worried about my kids. Well don't know if this helps but good luck!!
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Old 11-03-2006, 08:40 PM   #25
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Thanks for the Prayers!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nezbah
Well I read what some other parents/mothers and other women had to say about this. Then I read your responses and the facts, mostly pertaining how ya feel about her being/possibly pregnant. Your right, you have done what you can do, now that she has made her choice doing what she did, all you can do is just support her. I know as a parent, we only want the best for our children. Now if she is pregnant, she will be a woman and forced to 'grow' up fast. There are alot of sensitive feelings on both sides, yours, hers, her fathers (if he is in the picture) and the rest of the family. Sit down and be focused about the immediate picture, support one another and don't even begin the blame game because its nonexistant right now. I know for myself, I would be confused, scared, angry, etc but I know that the past has already happened and its time to take care of the future. Maybe one of the best things you can do is go to your elders (women), pray, and let them help her with some guidance, like someone said earlier. Just make sure she is surrounded by good positive women and peers, it will hopefully make things much easier. Keep your lines of communication open, its one of the things I wish I still had with my mother today. Again, good luck and we'll keep you and your daughter in our prayers.....
My mother is who aloud the boy to spend the night with my daughter while she was babysitting her for me and my husband. But I have alot of you helping me and being my support system. I took her to the dr's today and the pee test came back negative but we did get a blood test done also it's 100% where the pee test is not.
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Old 11-03-2006, 08:48 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxmoon
My mother is who aloud the boy to spend the night with my daughter while she was babysitting her for me and my husband. But I have alot of you helping me and being my support system. I took her to the dr's today and the pee test came back negative but we did get a blood test done also it's 100% where the pee test is not.
Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother. I'll keep my fingers crossed on the blood test.
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Old 11-03-2006, 08:49 PM   #27
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Thanks for the advice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by * Cetan Zi *
my brother turned 17 this summer, his girlfriend is 15 will be 16 in may.
they have a beautiful little girl who's 6 weeks old.

When they first told my mom and me. WE were very upset, and just then my grandmother passed away. We have decided to help them in anyway possible.

right now they are both trying to go to school, she is in an alternative program, and he is trying to get his GED. I offered them both if they return to high school I would give them a Thousand dollars if they graduated, they would only have to spend it on them selves not each other, not the baby but a big payout for themselves, so they both started school monday. I am happy that they did. I may be out of some money but hey they are going to school.

I talked to my mom, and she agreed to let them live with her if I paid for her phone bill and half her electric bill every month. So they will have a safe, sober place to bring up their little girl.

I know my mom is upset, but she is so in love with our Maria. named after my middle name..lol marie..lol.

anyhow. I know that kids having babies is not good, but these babies also need someone to care and love them to show them things they need to learn. to love.

I feel bad for lots of teen mothers who get kicked out and have no where to go. My cousin was kicked out of her home, my gram took her in, and I lived with them to help until B could get her GED and start college and get her own place. shes got a degree in business and doing good.

Young mothers need help from others esp. when their familes are disapoointed and kick them out.

I know there are young men who leave the young women, but we talked to my brother, and hes trying to take responsiblity, hes even doing his part..lol hes giving her baths, cleaning up after her, washing her cloths. cleaning bottles, and geting up in middle of the night.

......
I am sorry your upset, but try to think of the little person who may come and bring smiles and love into your life.
.....
think of your baby.. your daughter, she needs you, she may say she dont, but she does. and you need her. be there for her, love her...
I know I will be writing a huge thank you and how I am doing to the whole group of people that have given there personal stories and advice soon. We took her to the dr's today and pee test came back negative so there is lots of hope and faith that she's not and the blood test comes back next wednesday. Thanks again
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Old 11-03-2006, 08:53 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissFancyChick
oh my goodness!! she wants to get married? and she is only 17? wow! when i got pregnant out of wedlock i made it a point NOT to get married because of that. a baby doesnt make a marriage, love does. and i would say she was too young to know... marriage to me is LIFE LONG! my parents have been happily married for 38 years and together for 40. and that is what i want. i would love to be married but im glad i didnt marry my babies father. i know now that he is not for me... i was irresponsible with him and although its hard, soooo hard to be a single mother, it is better than having a divorce. My son's father sees him often and we are great friends... but i know he is not the ONE. and i thank God for showing me that before it was too late
My daughter and her boyfriend are highschool sweethearts they have been together since 6th grade and now she is in 12th I did not get married to her father he doe not see her and my husband of 9 years adopted her when she was 8 and im glad cause her father ended up molesting a young child and doing drugs so yahoo i am so glad I didn't marry him!!!!!!
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Old 11-03-2006, 08:55 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaCotau
It sounds like you had alot of insight into the realities of your situation. Unfortunately many people think that getting married after an unplanned pregnancy is being responsible but I think that this way of thinking only makes matters worse. Both the teen mother and father can be responsible, loving parents without exiling themselves to a life of resentment and unhappiness by getting married. People should get married because they love each other and believe that the other person is there true mate. A decision like that should not be made under pressure or stress. No need to make two life changing mistakes.
I can't agree with you more its sillyness to think of that!
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Old 11-03-2006, 08:59 PM   #30
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Wow

Quote:
Originally Posted by WocusWoman
Wow, of course everyone is going to have a differing opinion as to what should be done. This mother of course has just been thrown into this situation. I have a daughter who just hit her teens, but I can't imagine her ever getting knocked up before she's ready and mature, stuff happens. Its called life. There are many options as we know. The best situation for any child is not to be aborted, unless that is the choice and free will of a person, not one I would choose with the exception of rape, health, or incest involvement. If you look at what is ideal; it is a safe two parent home, a mother and father, an income, and adoption to another native couple who has been longing for a child. My husband was adopted, thank goodness by a descent family, and I'm sure it was hard for his birth mother at the time. But while he grew up fed, warm and loved, his siblings by blood grew up in a very sorry situation with so much abuse and addictions, that they tell him now as adults that he was very lucky.
I am glad to here of your husbands luck story. I have talked to my daughter about all 3 options she has chosen if she is prenant that she is keeping the baby.
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Old 11-03-2006, 09:05 PM   #31
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I will Read the link you sent

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoCats
Excuse me. This isn't true everywhere. http://teenadvice.about.com/library/...nsentchart.htm

Check out the statutory rape law in your State. In many cases, parents can have a guy arrested for statutory rape.
Thank you so much! I have many friends in my area only 1 is supporting me in my time of need. But I have lots of new FRIENDS here that are very good to me and have help me when I have been in need!
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Old 11-03-2006, 09:08 PM   #32
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Hes 19 almost 20 she just turned 17!

Quote:
Originally Posted by WocusWoman
I don't agree with the assumption either. I wouldn't be able to control my husband or myself from strangling a 26 year old for messing with my underage daughter.

If it was a 26 year old I would not be able to stop myself from doing the bobbit thing on him and my husband would probably be cheering me on and in my way lol
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Old 11-03-2006, 09:09 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoCats
Yep. Let's face it, older guys in particular know they are behaving inappropriately when they link up with underage girls. It shouldn't matter how 'enticing' a girl might be, guys need to learn to keep it zipped and take their testosterone to someone closer to their own age. And, while I'm thinking about it, 'age of consent' is sort of a joke, too. That chart says Canada recognizes 14 years of age. What 14 year old girl has the moxie to take on the responsibilities of a grown woman? Frankly, I don't know too many under 18 that have the capability to do this either. There's more to maturity than having reproductive capabilities. Young women are too vulnerable despite society's trying to push them into maturing earlier and earlier.
Pilamaye
You got that right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-03-2006, 10:48 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxmoon
If it was a 26 year old I would not be able to stop myself from doing the bobbit thing on him and my husband would probably be cheering me on and in my way lol

LMAOH...whether he is 45 or 25 the Bobbitt thing is still enticing!!! hahaha. Well I am glad to see or hear in your writing that you're in better spirits today. Hooray the pee thing is negative and we'll keep praying that the blood test will be too. I can't say whether this 'scare' will actually help her in the long run and it sounds like you and your family are really trying to help her. Its a good feeling to see a family care so much about their daughter, it makes me feel good. Just remember keep the finger pointing to a zilch, it was her/his decision only, not everyone else's. Yeah, we all make bad decisions in our lives, some of us pay for it dearly, its just whether we learn from it makes the difference. Life, as you know, is just about that, learning from our mistakes and making sure it don't happen again. I guess I am more concerned about unsafe sex that can lead to life threatening diseases. Teen pregancy is an issue, which in some instances can lead to bad things, but more often its the other diseases that worry me the most. You all should be proud of yourselves for tellin your stories and helping Foxmoon out, that's how us native women should be, sticking together even if it is a complete stranger. Well good luck Foxmoon, I wish the best for you and your family. You're doing good, you should be proud of yourself.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:02 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NDNGurl92782
I just want to say that I am a young mother of 2. I am 24 years old with a 5 year old and 3 year old. I got pregant at the age of 17 getting ready to turn 18. It wasn't anything planned but I can say that my child isn't a mistake. I didn't have anyone around to help me but you can ask anyone that knows me, my kids have the best mother that they could ever have!! You ahve to remember that things happen for a reason and when I had mine my whole life changed. I breastfed my son for 15 months until I got pregnant with my daughter. I breastfed her till she was 2 years old. There are not alot of young people out here today at that age that would do that type of thing. I did finish school, and have the opportunity to stay at home with my kids everyday all day. I guess the point I'm trying to get it is that this will probably change your daughter. Because I know it changed me. Please encourage her to stay in school if she is pregnant.
She may think it is cool be pregnant at this age but it's not. Wait till she can't hang with her friends and do what they do. And after she has the baby and wants to go hang out and can't go because she now has a responsibility that she didn't have before. It's not fun then. But like I said it changed me to where I didn't care what my friends were doing I was worried about my kids. Well don't know if this helps but good luck!!
I had her and single at the time went to college have a degree and stayed home with her instead of going to work. I know what your saying about not caring about the other stuff only about your kids and yes this will change her alot in so many ways but I feel being a parent is one of the best gifts.
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:17 PM   #36
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Fingers crossed

Quote:
Originally Posted by trob226
Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother. I'll keep my fingers crossed on the blood test.
I am letting my daughter tell her grandmother about her situation when we get the test results back on Wednesday. She will be on speaker phone. I have not said anything to my mother I have been scared I don't want to give her a heart attack she does have a bad ticker!
Thanks
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Old 11-03-2006, 11:20 PM   #37
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You Are awesome!

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Originally Posted by Nezbah
LMAOH...whether he is 45 or 25 the Bobbitt thing is still enticing!!! hahaha. Well I am glad to see or hear in your writing that you're in better spirits today. Hooray the pee thing is negative and we'll keep praying that the blood test will be too. I can't say whether this 'scare' will actually help her in the long run and it sounds like you and your family are really trying to help her. Its a good feeling to see a family care so much about their daughter, it makes me feel good. Just remember keep the finger pointing to a zilch, it was her/his decision only, not everyone else's. Yeah, we all make bad decisions in our lives, some of us pay for it dearly, its just whether we learn from it makes the difference. Life, as you know, is just about that, learning from our mistakes and making sure it don't happen again. I guess I am more concerned about unsafe sex that can lead to life threatening diseases. Teen pregancy is an issue, which in some instances can lead to bad things, but more often its the other diseases that worry me the most. You all should be proud of yourselves for tellin your stories and helping Foxmoon out, that's how us native women should be, sticking together even if it is a complete stranger. Well good luck Foxmoon, I wish the best for you and your family. You're doing good, you should be proud of yourself.
I will be writing all of you at once to let you know how things are going.Thank you
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Old 11-04-2006, 12:05 AM   #38
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OK here it goes please read it all before you judge!

Thank you so much! I have many friends in my area only 1 is supporting me in my time of need. But I have lots of new FRIENDS here that are very good to me and have help me when I have been in need! I want to let all of you in on how I felt and how I reacted to my daughters news.I was very hurt and angry I was filled with HATE for my own mother and lots of past feelings came back that I have gone to counceling over. I dont feel good about my behavoir! I didn't understand where I failed my daughter. I felt alone and very scared but not for me but for her! I cried I shouted and I shook all over for the first 24 hours. I then was reminded to smudge and talk with the great creator. It help but truely I at first ccalled my daughter names that I should Not of called my worst enemy. I told her to get the F** out and not to come back! I am ashamed of my behavoir. I told her once the baby was born she couldn't live here I did not want to here a baby cry and that I disowned her and the baby and it was not my family and neither was she. When I felt peace and undrstanding it was only because of all of you! You all soften my heart and made me realize how imature I was being with this situation. I have apologized and asked for my daughters forgiveness and been in alot of prayer.I have heard all of your stories that you have shared and taken the time you have helped me in a way that you should be proud of. I am so sorry for doing this aweful thing. I guess I felt that I was to good to be going through this. Not that kind of good but always doing good I am the one always helping other people through there crisis and felt that I couln't have one myself!!!!!!!!You all had very good information and advice and everyone of you pointed a different topic into my heart. Of things that I had forgotten. Like how my daughter must also be very scared until I read that I hadn't even thought of how SHE was feeling. Horrible as it sounds I can honestly say no matter how old we get we always learn from our mistakes and boy I have learned alot. Our children are our best teachers sometimes! I just hope she feels my pain as well as I feel hers now. I want you all to know we have grown closer and there is still alot of room for growing I have Learned from my mistakes. My grandmother used to tell me there is no way I can have any regrets to whatever I do If I have learned from them. So I DO NOT have any regrets from this situation. Me and my daughter have talked against my husbands wishes I will be letting her stay here she will finish school and I will help if need be raise my grandchild and take care of both of them until they get on there feet. I will still pay for her to go to driving school so she can get her lisence and I will do what I can to help even going to drs and classes. I feel everything all of you have said is true and important. I will support my Daughter and baby with whatever decisions she makes. Wow I am A full fledged grown up now LOL ! I don't feel to young anymore to be a grandmother at 37! Thank you all for such great support and understanding. I hope knowbody is disgusted with the way I bahaved at first but now I have my head back and my HEART ! I would like to share a little about myself when I was young and that might help some to understand a little better!

My mother aloud boys to live with me when I was only 15 years old. But she new I was raising her with different values then she raised me my mother had me when she had just turned 17. She took me to bars when I was 12 but I was in bars before that cause she worked in them. She also let me drink and smoke legal and illegal stuff when I was only 15. She became my friend instead of being my mother. When what I really needed was a mother I had plenty of friends! But I have turned out to be a great person lots of struggles and me raising myself with my grandparents influence until I was 25. Do Not get me wrong I love my mom but I do Not agree with her methods of parenting! When I got pregnant She threatened to kick me out but I had a misscaraige then came my oldest the one that is following in my footsteps without even knowing she is. Mom tried to kick me out then but it was a scare tactic when I said fine she helped and I lived with her. She told me that nobody told her anything to help her with me so I would have to figure things out for myself. I never was around kids I was an only child and never even babysat!! I had no clue what I was doing. I was left again to fend for myself and raise myself into what I thought a parent should be. So once again I want to thank all of you for caring for the human race enough to take out of your time to talk, advice and share your stories and feelings on this matter of crisis with me it has changed many lives and some we might not even know about yet! You all will be blessed in many different ways for this!

Much love goes out to you all
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Old 11-04-2006, 12:34 AM   #39
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awwwwwww "sniff', Foxmoon, that was a heartfelt response. Don't worry bout judgement from my side, as I have been there in many ways bout 1st reactions to things, or doing something that I may later regret. You recognized it and well made amends, then now its just time to move on. Sounds like you've been through alot, as well as I have, and many other moms or young women have. I am the same age and glad my lil one is too young to have kids....knock on wood.... so having to feel as a grandmother or even potential grandma, I feel what your goin through. I guess now you have a story for the thread...."you know when you feel old...." haha, kidding. I will tell you when one of my best friends son had a kid @ 15......oh man, she yelled and screamed, and all sorts of things , but her main issue was the fact was she was gonna be a grandma at age 40 and hasn't even menopaused yet!! Hee hee Ohhhh that tore her apart. But now, even though she helps raise her granddaughter, the one thing that I have seen in the past couple of years, the joy and pride she has for this little girl. I can see she really enjoys teaching her son about fatherhood and being really involved in her granddaughters life. So there is some sort of plus side, at least, well if she's pregnant, you will have another lil one in the house, AND, you don't have to go through the labor!!
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Old 11-04-2006, 03:04 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nezbah
awwwwwww "sniff', Foxmoon, that was a heartfelt response. Don't worry bout judgement from my side, as I have been there in many ways bout 1st reactions to things, or doing something that I may later regret. You recognized it and well made amends, then now its just time to move on. Sounds like you've been through alot, as well as I have, and many other moms or young women have. I am the same age and glad my lil one is too young to have kids....knock on wood.... so having to feel as a grandmother or even potential grandma, I feel what your goin through. I guess now you have a story for the thread...."you know when you feel old...." haha, kidding. I will tell you when one of my best friends son had a kid @ 15......oh man, she yelled and screamed, and all sorts of things , but her main issue was the fact was she was gonna be a grandma at age 40 and hasn't even menopaused yet!! Hee hee Ohhhh that tore her apart. But now, even though she helps raise her granddaughter, the one thing that I have seen in the past couple of years, the joy and pride she has for this little girl. I can see she really enjoys teaching her son about fatherhood and being really involved in her granddaughters life. So there is some sort of plus side, at least, well if she's pregnant, you will have another lil one in the house, AND, you don't have to go through the labor!!
I know boy that is a good thing concidering they gave me 80% chance of dying or becoming paralyzed from the neck down during my last pregnacy. Which now I have another good girl she s 8 now. I was never supposed to be able to have children at all from what the dr's said well I got 2 miracles in this life!
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