Feeling alone

[QueenSnowGrl]

Hey, I just felt like ranting, so if you're not in the mood for that, there's your warning.
--

I've been really bothered lately. I mean, this has always bothered me, but now it's getting on my nerves. It's about my heritage. My ancestry does not match my race. What do I mean by this, and why does it bother me? Well, I have a strange mix of places my family originated from. To be summed up, the majority are European, Native American, and Middle Eastern.

Despite having these heritages and a "darker skinned" (I guess you can say) father, I am white. I do realize this means nothing. After all, race is really just a concept. Our skin tone does not make us any less human, and our heritage just tells us where our ancestors came from to where we are today. It's with that, that I want to learn more about my ancestors. I mean no disrespect to the Native American community. I'm also Blackfoot and Navajo, but I don't bring that up for my own sake. Unfortunately, when I tell a Native American I'm Cherokee... being white... I think you can see the picture. Yeah, they tell me I'm a liar and start making mockeries. I see it on this website as well.

Look, I get how this can bother you. If you don't see me as Native American, that's fine. I don't either, but I do respect you and want to learn about your way of life. Can you respect me? I feel unwelcome wherever I go. My Middle Eastern isn't prominent in me, and I don't know much about it, so I rarely bring it up. I do, however, learn more about it when I can. The same goes for the rest of my background.

As a child, I used to live on a reservation over the summers with my family. I learned a lot about their life, and I wanted to be a part of it. Unfortunately, I had to go back to "my life." I've wanted to learn more since I returned home, but as I get older, the less welcome I am by these communities. To Native Americans, I'm white. I'm a joke. To white people, I'm weird looking and multi-racial. Surprisingly, someone tried to insult me and call me "redskin" (hahaha I hope that was a joke, he sounded serious though).

Don't worry, this is normal in society too though. I see white men getting thrown under the bus just for being white. I'm very well aware there are racist white folks, but racists exist no matter the color. Why is it offensive for a white to be proud of their heritage, but it's okay if you're a different race? We shouldn't defined by our heritage, just equally allowed to embrace it. I personally hate this double standard, because society is trained to hate whites, which means I get denied the right to embrace my ancestry.

Despite Europe doing some horrible things, there are some cool things about my heritage that I embrace. For one, I am Irish. A big part of life in Ireland is dancing, much like Native American powwows (though the dances are not the same, duh). It seems though, that this is not allowed. I get hushed a lot for it, so I've just become afraid of even mentioning the cultures that my family embraces. I feel alone. Not only do I have a strange combination of blood that most do not have, but I get shunned for it too. Does anyone else ever feel this way, have a unique background, or have a similar experience they'd like to share?

I'm Irish, Scottish, Dutch, French, Spanish, German, Italian, Palestinian, Jewish, Japanese, and Native American (Mostly Blackfoot, Apache, Cherokee, and Navajo). The majority of my heritage is Irish, Dutch, French, and Native American though.

[xTekno]

i would say that you should post in some of the threads and play some of the games. get to know other people on the site and establish friendships with other members through the forums.

[TeenaBear]

"Among some 19th and early 20th century politicians, there was also the hope that eventually, Native Americans would intermarry and assimilate with whites to the point that they would no longer have the power of a cohesive group – and would no longer have a right to land and monetary payments from the government" (Siek).

The best thing about being "mixed" is that you are like a cameleon! One weekend you can go to the Irish Scottish games and the next weekend you can go to a Pow Wow! What matters more than what other people are thinking about you is what your ancestors are looking down saying. I'm sure they are so proud that you are celebrating and honoring every aspect of your cultural heritage. :)

Who's a Native American? It's complicated ? In America - CNN.com Blogs

[milehighsalute]

what rez did you spend your summers on?

[QueenSnowGrl]

"Among some 19th and early 20th century politicians, there was also the hope that eventually, Native Americans would intermarry and assimilate with whites to the point that they would no longer have the power of a cohesive group – and would no longer have a right to land and monetary payments from the government" (Siek).

The best thing about being "mixed" is that you are like a cameleon! One weekend you can go to the Irish Scottish games and the next weekend you can go to a Pow Wow! What matters more than what other people are thinking about you is what your ancestors are looking down saying. I'm sure they are so proud that you are celebrating and honoring every aspect of your cultural heritage. :)

Who's a Native American? It's complicated ? In America - CNN.com Blogs

Thank you. I read the article, and I agreed with it completely. Unfortunately, a lot of other people don't. Did you read the comments on the article? A lot of people were making the same comments that others use on me.

[QueenSnowGrl]

what rez did you spend your summers on?

To be honest, I don't know for sure. I was 4-7 years old. At the time, I didn't know what a reservation was until my dad explained it to me. I just thought the reservation was normal because I fit right in. I do know that it was in Arizona, near the edge of New Mexico. I was staying with my aunt, uncle, and grandfather who lived in the Navajo and Apache tribes. My grandfather lived in what I think is the White Mountain Apache Reservation and my aunt and uncle lived in Navajo Nation. They visited the house my great grandfather lived in which was in Utah, so I think it was Navajo. I'm ashamed I don't know this, but I can't call my aunt and uncle to ask because they don't have phones. I might see them for Christmas though. I'll ask them then.

[wanjica_the_one]

To be honest, I don't know for sure. I was 4-7 years old. At the time, I didn't know what a reservation was until my dad explained it to me. I just thought the reservation was normal because I fit right in. I do know that it was in Arizona, near the edge of New Mexico. I was staying with my aunt, uncle, and grandfather who lived in the Navajo and Apache tribes. My grandfather lived in what I think is the White Mountain Apache Reservation and my aunt and uncle lived in Navajo Nation. They visited the house my great grandfather lived in which was in Utah, so I think it was Navajo. I'm ashamed I don't know this, but I can't call my aunt and uncle to ask because they don't have phones. I might see them for Christmas though. I'll ask them then.

Ninja puhleeze. All of your stories are fabricated from your alternate universe. I don't believe a word you type.

[Joe's Dad]

Ninja puhleeze. All of your stories are fabricated from your alternate universe. I don't believe a word you type.

I liked the way you used 'puhleeze'. hehehe

[gilisi]

Don't forget the ninja LOL

[QueenSnowGrl]

Ninja puhleeze. All of your stories are fabricated from your alternate universe. I don't believe a word you type.

All I know is that over the summers I stayed in Arizona with my family. When talking about it one day, my dad told me I was on a reservation. I started asking questions about it and this is when he explained to me that our family is Native American, and he showed me some of the things I did why staying with my family was a way of life. I wanted to learn more about it and the lifestyle of my family after, but didn't really start to until around now when my Native American friend invited me to learn about her life with her family. I don't know the reservation where I stayed, and I can understand why it sounds like hogwash, but if you don't believe me, that isn't my problem.

[wanjica_the_one]

All I know is that over the summers I stayed in Arizona with my family. When talking about it one day, my dad told me I was on a reservation. I started asking questions about it and this is when he explained to me that our family is Native American, and he showed me some of the things I did why staying with my family was a way of life. I wanted to learn more about it and the lifestyle of my family after, but didn't really start to until around now when my Native American friend invited me to learn about her life with her family. I don't know the reservation where I stayed, and I can understand why it sounds like hogwash, but if you don't believe me, that isn't my problem.

Sounds like hogwash, you're right little missy. I don't believe you. What you need is a good bowl of puppy soup to take away that lonely feeling.

[QueenSnowGrl]

Well, since everyone thinks it's okay to be sarcastic, I thought I'd give my say. After all, this is a forum and I'm here to say what's on my mind.

My reason for entering this forum is to learn about Native American culture. I've always loved it because of my ma-maw. She taught me such wonderful things about the Great Spitit. She was such an amazing woman. She made the Native culture seem so tolerant and accepting. Perhaps that's my mistake for assuming that your culture's primary concern is preserving, protecting, and becoming one with all that is around you... except white people. The Great Spirit didn't make them. REALLY NOW?! I don't care if my story sounds unbelievable. No matter who someone is or where they come from, if they respect you and have a genuine want to learn about your culture, you respect and teach them. What happened to hospitality? Did that die? Apparently so. I don't care if you're all joking, there's a line that needs to be drawn and you know exactly where it is. It's pretty hypocritical to be unwelcoming when you supposedly stand for hospitality. Frankly, I'm tired of it. I was actually hurting when I wrote this forum, but now I realize that culture doesn't even matter. Who cares? No one lives up to the things they say they stand for anymore. This might offend some of you, but I don't care. This is the internet. Native American culture is DEAD. Everything that you once stood for is washed up. Everything that was passed down from generation to generation has slowly played telephone and changed meanings based on your behavior. It makes me sad, because I love what I was told, but hey, maybe everything I was ever told is a lie and this is who you are.

[OLChemist]

I’m too old for this.

What happened to hospitality? Did that die?

If you were to come to my home. I would feed and shelter you. I would be kind. That is hospitality. But, I would not take you to ceremony.

She made the Native culture seem so tolerant and accepting. Perhaps that's my mistake for assuming that your culture's primary concern is preserving, protecting, and becoming one with all that is around you...

No matter who someone is or where they come from, if they respect you and have a genuine want to learn about your culture, you respect and teach them.

First, there is more than one culture. In excess of five hundred in the US alone. And they are often no more similar to one another than the French are to the Balinese.

Second, you are romanticizing. Indians are people. We’re not tolerant, earth mother tree-hugging accepters of all lost souls. We’re survivors and the children of survivors. We’ve lived in the shadow of the end of the world.

My culture has had a really bad couple of centuries, what with epidemic disease, warfare, economic devastation, cultural suppression, political oppression and all. You bet my people are interested in preserving what shreds remain. This does not include violating my culture’s teaching about the appropriate way to share cultural and religious knowledge. My people’s teaching do not obligate me to share with all comers, so they can steal and distort our last bastion of identity.

You mistake non-interference for tolerance. Traditional people may not interfere when someone is misusing the sacred. But, this does not mean they sanction these actions. Decolonizing means restoring and protecting our original teachings for our children.

Sometimes respect means respecting boundaries. Respect means accepting no as well as yes.

Native American culture is DEAD. Everything that you once stood for is washed up. Everything that was passed down from generation to generation has slowly played telephone and changed meanings based on your behavior. It makes me sad, because I love what I was told, but hey, maybe everything I was ever told is a lie and this is who you are.

Here we go again. We won’t hand you — sight unseen, worthiness unproven, respect not yet earned — the keys to the kingdom. So, we’re not really Native. You don't even know what our ancestors stood for.

Prior to your tantrum I was considering giving some advice. As I said at the start, I’m getting too old to spend another hour trying to help with another case of thin-blood, mixed-blood angst. Lest you accuse me of hating mixed bloods, or the unenrolled, or the fair-skinned, let me clarify. I'd have to break my mirror if I did. (Actually with the sags and wrinkles proceeding this upcoming birthday, maybe there is some merit to that break the mirror idea, LOL.) I played the tortured mixed-blood when I was an undergrad too. I read too much Wendy Rose, slept with my copy of the Death of Jim Loney, and made pretentious, political pieces of art. I wasted too much of my life. Here’s to hoping you don’t waste a lot of yours.

[*Brown Eyed Gurl*]

wtf?

[QueenSnowGrl]

I’m too old for this.



If you were to come to my home. I would feed and shelter you. I would be kind. That is hospitality. But, I would not take you to ceremony.





First, there is more than one culture. In excess of five hundred in the US alone. And they are often no more similar to one another than the French are to the Balinese.

Second, you are romanticizing. Indians are people. We’re not tolerant, earth mother tree-hugging accepters of all lost souls. We’re survivors and the children of survivors. We’ve lived in the shadow of the end of the world.

My culture has had a really bad couple of centuries, what with epidemic disease, warfare, economic devastation, cultural suppression, political oppression and all. You bet my people are interested in preserving what shreds remain. This does not include violating my culture’s teaching about the appropriate way to share cultural and religious knowledge. My people’s teaching do not obligate me to share with all comers, so they can steal and distort our last bastion of identity.

You mistake non-interference for tolerance. Traditional people may not interfere when someone is misusing the sacred. But, this does not mean they sanction these actions. Decolonizing means restoring and protecting our original teachings for our children.

Sometimes respect means respecting boundaries. Respect means accepting no as well as yes.



Here we go again. We won’t hand you — sight unseen, worthiness unproven, respect not yet earned — the keys to the kingdom. So, we’re not really Native. You don't even know what our ancestors stood for.

Prior to your tantrum I was considering giving some advice. As I said at the start, I’m getting too old to spend another hour trying to help with another case of thin-blood, mixed-blood angst. Lest you accuse me of hating mixed bloods, or the unenrolled, or the fair-skinned, let me clarify. I'd have to break my mirror if I did. (Actually with the sags and wrinkles proceeding this upcoming birthday, maybe there is some merit to that break the mirror idea, LOL.) I played the tortured mixed-blood when I was an undergrad too. I read too much Wendy Rose, slept with my copy of the Death of Jim Loney, and made pretentious, political pieces of art. I wasted too much of my life. Here’s to hoping you don’t waste a lot of yours.

I agree with you completely. You may have missed the point where I said I was being sarcastic and generalizing Native Americans in the way whites get generalized as all being the murderers of your ancestors. I'm tired of reading on these forums that all white people are scum. It's annoying. I thought it'd be funny if I grouped all of you together and see your reaction. It feels wonderful when you have to read a comment like mine that makes you cringe, right?