Hello,
I apologize for making one of these types of threads, but I would really appreciate advice in this anonymous setting.
Lately I am feeling like I should give up everything regarding my native identity. I have done these things since I was seven, learning languages, powwowing and beading. I keep getting invited to ceremonies by my friends but I never go, and keep trying to bead again, but never do, as I feel like its time to move on because I am low quantum (under 1/8) and do not fit in whatsoever. I find this new phenomenon of me questioning my identity odd because I was really bullied about it in school, was called all manner of names, but always held to it.
I have ancestors on Dawes list and ancestors from Decora/Grignon family in Wisconsin, and the DNA test showed native, so what gives? Imposter syndrome, or really just another pretendian fake? Overexaggerating this aspect of my identity, and not paying attention to "who I really am?" When I win contests, I feel very bad because I feel so fake.
I know the other aspects of my heritage, and try to keep to those things, but it is very hard as dancing brings me health and the elders in my community have come to me saying how good it is to see.
I am trying to give these things up and learn how to be more American, but it is difficult as this is not the community or culture I am familiar with. I am not entirely familiar with their values and ways, and don't know how to separate myself from what I know.
I hope I am not overinflating myself in any way or stepping out of line. If it seems this way I apologize. I am just very lost and its difficult to seek help or advice these past years due to everything being shut down, being away from my friends, and my worries that people might view me as even more fake than they probably already see me.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you reply, thank you for your feedback, which I will greatly consider
I apologize for making one of these types of threads, but I would really appreciate advice in this anonymous setting.
Lately I am feeling like I should give up everything regarding my native identity. I have done these things since I was seven, learning languages, powwowing and beading. I keep getting invited to ceremonies by my friends but I never go, and keep trying to bead again, but never do, as I feel like its time to move on because I am low quantum (under 1/8) and do not fit in whatsoever. I find this new phenomenon of me questioning my identity odd because I was really bullied about it in school, was called all manner of names, but always held to it.
I have ancestors on Dawes list and ancestors from Decora/Grignon family in Wisconsin, and the DNA test showed native, so what gives? Imposter syndrome, or really just another pretendian fake? Overexaggerating this aspect of my identity, and not paying attention to "who I really am?" When I win contests, I feel very bad because I feel so fake.
I know the other aspects of my heritage, and try to keep to those things, but it is very hard as dancing brings me health and the elders in my community have come to me saying how good it is to see.
I am trying to give these things up and learn how to be more American, but it is difficult as this is not the community or culture I am familiar with. I am not entirely familiar with their values and ways, and don't know how to separate myself from what I know.
I hope I am not overinflating myself in any way or stepping out of line. If it seems this way I apologize. I am just very lost and its difficult to seek help or advice these past years due to everything being shut down, being away from my friends, and my worries that people might view me as even more fake than they probably already see me.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you reply, thank you for your feedback, which I will greatly consider
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