Tweet
I wanted to write this here, BEFORE I have to write it in the Memorials. I want to tell about my Uncle V., who can't stop drinking.
When I was little, he was the best Uncle in the world, and as I grew up, he was always there for me, proud of me no matter what I did. I knew I was his favorite, and that knowledge gave me the confidence to move on with my life and make better choices. I sure wish I knew then what I could do to return the favor.
Like many Native men, Uncle V. enjoys his family, and does all he can to help us and honor us. But, thats only when he is sober. When he starts to drink, he becomes a different person, not a mean person, but a silly, foolish man. I feel embarassed, not BY him, but FOR him, because I know that he would never want to be seen like that by others. His pride would suffer so much, and he would be devastated, but I dont think it would make him stop drinking so much.
I know that the ability to stop his drinking is inside him, because I'm related to him, and I stopped. The desire to stop is what is missing, and I'm not sure how I can help that come about, or even if I can. No matter how much treatment he receives, how many days or months in Detox he sits, it's got to be his decision, and his own motivation, that will make it happen. All I can do right now is love him and pray for him, no matter what he does.
One thing I am not going to do anymore is make it easy for him to continue doing what he is doing. I'm not going to bail him out of jail anymore, not going to give him a place to flop and sleep it off. I'm not going to cover his expenses when he drinks up his money, and I'm not going to call around and give excuses on his behalf. All I can do is love him and pray for him, no matter what he does.
I look around at my family and see all the other relatives who are in the same situation, and I realize how much of an uphill battle this is. I can't heal everyone, I can't preach to them, I can't do anything but show them how it is to live sober. I certainly can't judge these relatives of mine, because I know how sad and lonely that place is, that shame and guilt you feel the next day, or the confusion and anxiety you feel as you try and remember what happened after you blacked out. I can't judge them, because for years I played into glorifying the drinking lifestyle, making it sound like fun and a real good time, when there are so many of our people who are DYING because of it. No, I can't judge. Like I said, all I can do is love and pray.
I hope everyone who reads this takes a look around you at your family and your people. What kind of messages are we sending each other? Are we showing love and support, or excuses and lies that help us keep on bad roads? My Uncle V., finally, checked himself into a VETERANS ADMINISTRATION treatment center, but it was only after he scared himself with hallucinations. It was only after he started vomiting blood, and only after the doctor told him he has cirrhosis. Many people assume that is a death sentence, and I've never seen otherwise, so I guess my days of praying and loving are getting short. I just wish I had realized and he had realized this long long time ago.
When I was little, he was the best Uncle in the world, and as I grew up, he was always there for me, proud of me no matter what I did. I knew I was his favorite, and that knowledge gave me the confidence to move on with my life and make better choices. I sure wish I knew then what I could do to return the favor.
Like many Native men, Uncle V. enjoys his family, and does all he can to help us and honor us. But, thats only when he is sober. When he starts to drink, he becomes a different person, not a mean person, but a silly, foolish man. I feel embarassed, not BY him, but FOR him, because I know that he would never want to be seen like that by others. His pride would suffer so much, and he would be devastated, but I dont think it would make him stop drinking so much.
I know that the ability to stop his drinking is inside him, because I'm related to him, and I stopped. The desire to stop is what is missing, and I'm not sure how I can help that come about, or even if I can. No matter how much treatment he receives, how many days or months in Detox he sits, it's got to be his decision, and his own motivation, that will make it happen. All I can do right now is love him and pray for him, no matter what he does.
One thing I am not going to do anymore is make it easy for him to continue doing what he is doing. I'm not going to bail him out of jail anymore, not going to give him a place to flop and sleep it off. I'm not going to cover his expenses when he drinks up his money, and I'm not going to call around and give excuses on his behalf. All I can do is love him and pray for him, no matter what he does.
I look around at my family and see all the other relatives who are in the same situation, and I realize how much of an uphill battle this is. I can't heal everyone, I can't preach to them, I can't do anything but show them how it is to live sober. I certainly can't judge these relatives of mine, because I know how sad and lonely that place is, that shame and guilt you feel the next day, or the confusion and anxiety you feel as you try and remember what happened after you blacked out. I can't judge them, because for years I played into glorifying the drinking lifestyle, making it sound like fun and a real good time, when there are so many of our people who are DYING because of it. No, I can't judge. Like I said, all I can do is love and pray.
I hope everyone who reads this takes a look around you at your family and your people. What kind of messages are we sending each other? Are we showing love and support, or excuses and lies that help us keep on bad roads? My Uncle V., finally, checked himself into a VETERANS ADMINISTRATION treatment center, but it was only after he scared himself with hallucinations. It was only after he started vomiting blood, and only after the doctor told him he has cirrhosis. Many people assume that is a death sentence, and I've never seen otherwise, so I guess my days of praying and loving are getting short. I just wish I had realized and he had realized this long long time ago.
Comment