on marriages

[injunboy]

in this day there is still tradish weddings going on huh?

my own marriage was arranged by our families. *yess im married, i know sorry ladies* jk

i met this verry nice navajo gurl and we dated for a short while. during my time i did alot for the family and was generally pretty awesome. lol we built this nice ceremonial hogan and invited our familes over for a dinner in it. while we was cooking outside the familes were on their respective sides in the hogan. the topic was brought up and shortly afterwards a payment was decided on and a date. this is like the abbreviated version because there was steps involved. ie the gurls uncles make the decisions etc. and so we finished cooking and served the dinner to the family... annnd, all good things come to an end.. jk. we were told about the arrangement the families had agreed upon. from there theres more steps that are involved but eventually we were married in the hogan we built.

it took alittle adjustment, thank god it didnt happen right then and there. i didnt know what to think. i just remember cleaning and waitin for the familes to go home. later on that night we was sitting outside and i was like 'holay smokes'

my only condition was everything had be thee most correct and no short cuts or improv going on.

interesting beginning i know, i lovved my wedding. i just love my wife. i love our life and family.

[injunboy]

questions or comments?

[NorthofAda]

First of all, I think that's a BEAUTIFUL way to begin a relationship. It sounds like you kind of knew each other (and in some arranged marriages the spouses don't even meet until the wedding day) and your families were involved in a caring way. The fact that you have such a love for your wife and family shows how right it was that your marriage was done in that way.

Second - how old were you when you two were married?

I've read a lot on Dineh culture and traditions, and I've asked questions here and there of Dineh on the forum here from time to time. Without sounding a like a bellagaana or a wannabe, if I could have chosen a different tribe to born into it would have been Dineh.

Others might correct me, but it seems like you have managed to hold onto your culture, your language, your ceremonials, much more strongly than some of us have. You even get to continue living within the boundaries of the land you belong to, within the 4 sacred mountains, and a lot of us got moved around (not that you didn't - i.e., Bosque Redondo) never to come back.

I love the way that family is celebrated and cherished - so different from what one sees in mainstream America. The politeness is different than what I experience around me (not interrupting, not going after the almighty dollar). Even the way you introduce yourselves is beautiful, with your clan names.

And each and every Dineh that I have met has just been unbelievably kind.

So...hopefully I haven't gone on too much of a tangent. I got married at a later age and sometimes I think even I should have listened more closely to my parents input as to who to marry. Not that my spouse and I don't have our moments (he's white), but it has been a very rough road and our priorities and values haven't always been the same. I'm hoping that when my own girls are old enough to be married that be observant enough and know them well enough to see whether a gentleman is a good enough match for them.

[wyo_rose]

Wow, that is very cool. It's too bad that up here, we wouldn't even know what to do for a traditional wedding. Ribbon shirts and traditional dresses are about as far as it goes.

My bfren and I were set up by his aunt - kinda reluctantly at first. But after we made that commitment, it's WONDERFUL!! Four years later we're still going strong.

We were almost forced to get married so we could stay in our apartment, and they said we could even do a "traditional" wedding. Getting an elder to bless us was about the only thing we could think of. Luckily that policy was short-lived and we can keep shacking up.

[klotasfeather]

I think it is nice that you and your wife followed traditional ways to get married. It says something about our culture when we still hold onto the value of respect and family.

[Joe's Dad]

I have a question...

Did your family get at least 4 horses for you?

[lisak]

That's how I got married as well, sorta anyway. My husband and I were together for a few years and my mother in law kind of mentioned to us that she wanted to visit my parents. We had just happen to visit my family one weekend and to our surprise my mother in law had visited with my parents a few hours earlier. My parents informed us that my mother in law stopped by to make wedding arrangements and told us they set a date for us to be married in a month. We were both floored and in shock for a few hours - I was like one month!!! Anyway, my family came together and got everything ready it was a crazy month. We have been happily married for 10 years now.

[SuzzeQ4]

My husband went to my Grandma (keep in mind I was adopted by racist pricks who were hoping I'd marry white so my children would be whiter then me...anyway) As for horses....since horses are not a practicle gift for a 90 yr old Woman in a retirement home he gave her a horse hide with the fur on it. There was many steps for us as well including much talk about me not being of a clan cause his people are clan people. His Elder did the ceremony, originally I had an Elder picked out but he passed on. It was outside, there was blessings, we took around a certain beverage and a certain bread (being vauge cause it's the net) baskets were exchanged, blankets too. My Grandma gave her approval. Surprisingly my adopted parents came, and helped. Think they were just glad that after 4 kids (2 together) we were gettin married...haven't told em it's not recognized by the canadian government....lol...I loved my wedding, loved the food, love our family...especially his although mine is comming around...we had social songs afterwards. We had a giveaway and I was exhaused afters...good thing we been living together with kids mor so long cause we were both asleep within an hour of getting home...but we did take a honeymoon a few days later...to niagra falls which we thought was classic...we are half white so we choose to follow the niagra falls tradition to remember that side...lol...throughly enjoyed my (I mean our) day, it was special for us.

[injunboy]

That's how I got married as well, sorta anyway. My husband and I were together for a few years and my mother in law kind of mentioned to us that she wanted to visit my parents. We had just happen to visit my family one weekend and to our surprise my mother in law had visited with my parents a few hours earlier. My parents informed us that my mother in law stopped by to make wedding arrangements and told us they set a date for us to be married in a month. We were both floored and in shock for a few hours - I was like one month!!! Anyway, my family came together and got everything ready it was a crazy month. We have been happily married for 10 years now.

wow nice story, i was kinda dazed afterwards not really knowin what to think but i accecpted it cause the gurl is soooo awesome

my grandmothers story is cool, she met my grandfather at her navajo wedding. silll married btw. my grandfathers family paid for my grandmother cause they were both pretty young.

[injunboy]

I have a question...

Did your family get at least 4 horses for you?

no actually the male pays!! me and family paid dearly for the gurl. her family is soo tradish and raised her verry correct which is verrry very valuable as far as the uncles payment requests.

[lisak]

wow nice story, i was kinda dazed afterwards not really knowin what to think but i accecpted it cause the gurl is soooo awesome

my grandmothers story is cool, she met my grandfather at her navajo wedding. silll married btw. my grandfathers family paid for my grandmother cause they were both pretty young.

That's pretty cool! It's amazing how marriages were arranged back in the day and the bride and groom didn't know each other but it seems those are the marriages that last. How sweet that your grandparents are still together. Nizhoni ye'!!!!

[injunboy]

i sooo wanted to ride to my wedding on a donkey. haha

donkeys are a sign of wealth btw

its serious buisness but we had alot of fun.

[Mud_Woman]

i always wanted a tradish wedding . . . my eldest uncle wanted to give me away at the wedding . . . but since my husband (bfen back then) is ute, it was kinda hard to combine both wedding traditions together . . . so after many sleepless nights, i . . . i mean we, decided to get married at the court house . . . . yeah, that was kinda stupid, not letting my uncle or family know, but it was a load off my mind . . . my uncle is still upset with me, kinda-sorta . . . so when my kids ask me, 'what did you wear to your wedding?' . . . ill say, 'a haulter top, capris, and flip flops'

[badmaninc]

We used one of our traditional ceremonies in our bighouse. We just celebrated our 17th anniversary. We used our ceremony in the morning like our people have always done and then we fed the people who witnessed the ceremony and we had a giveaway. Later that day we were married by the priest in the church. It was more important that we used the traditional ceremony first. When you have that ceremony first it is more binding to us. We have to respect the ceremony, as it shows how committed you are to your mate, her family, my family and the people. If I were to disrespect that then it shows how little I cared for all of the people and the culture where I am from. To me I could care less if the Canadian government recognized this ceremony. My people, her family and my family do; that is way more important.

[tinytotprincess]

awesome!!!