Resonation: freewrite

[Daughter of the Mist]

resonation of baskets weaving within a web of dream
dire solutions create a constant the realm of truce
basking in bitter moonlight below an autumned surface
tracing scorched hair upon tarnished soul searches
following the journey across timeless universes
In quest for my resolution to an age old song
Dancing a heart very old so very young my friend
Seizing the offer to become one with the universe
grasping straws of humanity to open the door
which leads to perfect truth in ultimale harmony
pleasing my ageless senses with unseen song
touching the borders then and now solace
breeching mortality significant lessons leashed
kill a banal rage that haunts the memory
cause a ribbon of life to entangle the lost ones
bring them back and proser in the physical
as ordained another time another place

[OneidaDreamer]

I thought this one could have flowed a bit better with some punctuation. I know it is the poets choice whether to use it or not, but I think this one could be revised with it and become an even stronger piece.

Perhaps use the word yet instead of so between old and very.

"Dancing, a heart very old yet, very young my friend"

Just a thought. I did like this piece. But I think if you revised it, it could become even stronger.

[Daughter of the Mist]

I thought this one could have flowed a bit better with some punctuation. I know it is the poets choice whether to use it or not, but I think this one could be revised with it and become an even stronger piece.

Perhaps use the word yet instead of so between old and very.

"Dancing, a heart very old yet, very young my friend"

Just a thought. I did like this piece. But I think if you revised it, it could become even stronger.

its a freewrite, just a raw piece of work. i syncopate my poetry...this is opening ur mind and writing what comes without hindrance...but ty for the comments i do appreciate it.