Natives dating/marrying non-natives

[Lakota Wiyan]

Okay, Okay, I am going to put myself out there for you all to tear me up and spit me out, but I want to be totally honest with you folks. I did post just before this about marrying a non-native, but I do have one feeling on the issue that I have kept deep down and low in my heart.
Here it is: When I see a white girl hooking up with a native man, especially if hes fine and has a job, I get a little peeved. I have to keep reminding myself that they probably married for love. Then that feeling goes away.
HOWEVER: When I see a European marrying a Native guys, especially a Lakota guy, I can't shake the feeling that she married him for his long hair and brown skin. I say this because I know so many women from Germany, Denmark and Sweden who are living on my rez right NOW, married to men who I know, some related to me, and blatantly, proudly proclaim that they wanted an Indian man, and by God, they got one.
Sick, Sick, Sick.

[WocusWoman]

It's a two edged sword, isn't it? I'm a big believer in survival of a people. My kids know it too. When I was a kid, I used to think my favorite granny was mean and racist, because she went on and on about white or black folks. Then I grew up, and realized that's not what was bothering her. It was really the racist experiences she had as a child and adult, and it was also a means of self-preservation. Six of her eight children went right out and married people of other races, much to her dismay. I believe she just went about it the wrong way in teaching her children about self-love, pride, and preservation, because it came off as something negative and ugly. I would never dis-own my child if they marry and make babies outside their race. I do however have the right to show and share all the positive aspects of my and their dad's traditions, and be hopeful they will find all the beauty of their native-ness also.

[hywalker]

I could be an exception to the rule of white person out to catch themselves a native. I do understand your wishes to preserve your race, unfortunately for that thought , love is blind. As I see this I remember all the hatred towards whites marrying outside of their race too. while i wouldnt give my wife up for the world i do hate to see the genocide fulfilled

[DeusExMachina]

I was married to a white boy. He was 1/4 OK Cherokee, but the boy was white. And there wre some severe cultural and spiritual differences. Nomatter how much we tried we just really ened up not understanding each other. So now I'm looking for a smart, creative NDN who isn't threatened by a woman with an education and a career. But why NDN, you say? because I want to be able to just be and talk and do and think without having to explain everyting to somebody, because they will already understand. There won't be that discomfort or awkwardness.

[crazydazy]

I am all for marrying for love but there is a difference between that and only dating someone of a certain race if you are outside of that race.

I don't think that there is anything racist about only dating within your race. It is only racist if you are forced to do it by someone who is not of your race.

Like I said, if you fall for someone who happens to be black or happens to be white that is fine but if as white woman you say that you will only date ndn men or black men there is something wrong with you. For example, I know so many white women who will only date black guys and so many black guys who will only date white women.

[crazydazy]

I have weird feelings about this one. I married a Hispanic man, and so I guess our three tiny tots are "Indian Tacos", eh!?! LOL
Anyway, I married Efream because I loved him, and I am lucky that he is now a grass dancer, we live in the Black Hills, and he goes to Inipi ceremonies when he can, and my family loves him for his respect. Our kids are learning Spanish and Lakota at the same rate they are learning English. We make many visits to Texas and participate in as many Hispanic celebrations locally as we can, though not nearly as many as the powwows we go to.
I think people should marry who they love and get along with, and with that comes respect for each other's heritage and culture. If they don't respect your culture, then they don't really respect you either, since they both go hand in hand.
HOWEVER, I do NOT think that Native people should be pressured to "Breed" with other natives just to preserve a culture. How on earth can anyone justify that? That is selective breeding and we do that for show animals like cats, dogs, and horses. Is that what we reduce ourselves and our young people to? It's inhumane, and I sincerely hope that people are not encouraging their young natives to marry others of their tribe simply to preserve the tribe. How many generations does it take to create inbred children?
I think that the interstate travel to powwows across the country is a good thing, simply to create a broader variety of "snaggin'" opportunities. I think that just based on what our family does, where we travel and the people we hang with, our children have a great chance to meet and marry Natives or Hispanic people. But, of course, college tends to break down all kinds of barriers.....*sigh*,.....at least I have 13 more years until I have to worry about that!! LMAO

I think that you make a lot of really great points here. Your children are very lucky to have such valued parents. I think that the difference however is that you are teaching your children to be proud of all of who they are. You also married for love.
I think that the difference between this and people who go out looking for someone of a specific race (if they themselves are outside of that race ) is that they are not doing it for love. They clearly have somehting missing within themselves that they think can be filled by being with someone of a specific race. This goes the same for wannabes.

[Bling Blingin Sioux]

Well 80% of natives marry non-natives in 9 generations there wont be anymore indians. Unless indian men start acting like indian men, indian women have at least 7 children or everyone starts marrying other indians.

Besides most indians dont follow their own culture anymore or even speak their language is there really a point anymore to being indian.

Im really tired of seing slutty, alcohol drinking, ghetto wannabees talking of preserving culture when they dont even know how to say their own tribal name in their own damn language.

For God's sakes! Why are indians acting like whites or blacks!
Indians have so much to be proud of! We have our own culture our own language our own look, our own world view we dont need anyone elses to be a success in this world!

Im sorry off the soap box now

I LIKE TOATALLY AGREE WITH U ON THIS!!...NOW EVERYONE HAS THIER OWN OPINION SO I DON'T WANT ANYONE HATIN FOR WHAT I THINK!!!....WHERE I LIVE I SEE ALOT OF NATIVE MEN WITH WHITE WOMEN....I'M LIKE EWWWW EVERYTIME I SEE THAT...LOL..REALLY THO...THEY CHOOSE WHITE WOMEN LIKE AZZIFF NATIVE WOMEN AREN'T AS GOOD OR SOMETHING....THIS IS KRAZY!!!

[swift horse running]

For Love

Marry for love if it's to last.....Did not the Creator make us all?

[badmaninc]

I LIKE TOATALLY AGREE WITH U ON THIS!!...NOW EVERYONE HAS THIER OWN OPINION SO I DON'T WANT ANYONE HATIN FOR WHAT I THINK!!!....WHERE I LIVE I SEE ALOT OF NATIVE MEN WITH WHITE WOMEN....I'M LIKE EWWWW EVERYTIME I SEE THAT...LOL..REALLY THO...THEY CHOOSE WHITE WOMEN LIKE AZZIFF NATIVE WOMEN AREN'T AS GOOD OR SOMETHING....THIS IS KRAZY!!!

Maybe part of the problem is that where you are from is that everybody in your community is related. I liked a whole lot of girls when I was young and before I even had the courage to try and make any move, my mom or aunts would always say that's your cousin. Not sure whether they liked me though.

[anishinabealltheway]

Being mixed it would be ironic for me to be against dating non natives, but I cringe when I go to tribal functions and see all the blond haired blue eyed kids with NDN parents. I'm just afraid that one day i'm gonna look around and no longer see my people.

[Kiwehnzii]

Being mixed it would be ironic for me to be against dating non natives, but I cringe when I go to tribal functions and see all the blond haired blue eyed kids with NDN parents. I'm just afraid that one day i'm gonna look around and no longer see my people.
__________________
Niin sa, Chi anung


Now that's a thought to consider.

[WhoMe]

...... I know so many women from Germany, Denmark and Sweden who are living on my rez right NOW, married to men who I know, some related to me, and blatantly, proudly proclaim that they wanted an Indian man, and by God, they got one.
Sick, Sick, Sick.

wiyan,

This cracks me up.

For those of you who have visited Germany, Denmark and Sweden.....

"even a big, scary, broke, goofy Indian guy can be a MAC DADDY there!"

...... I cringe when I go to tribal functions and see all the blond haired blue eyed kids with NDN parents. I'm just afraid that one day i'm gonna look around and no longer see my people.

There is so much truth in this.

I already see my nieces and nephews who are all different colors and cultural backgrounds.

[yellowthunders mama]

Mixed Feelings, Mixed Blood...

Well I am mixed too and think we should marry for love too. I also hope when my son is old enough he falls in love with another NDN. But the reality is that may not happen and I will have to be ok with that if that time comes.
For those of you who get sick and pissed off when you see an NDN man with a white woman, I understand your feelings. But I also know the dirty looks from the other side. People who do not know me or my family, think I am white and sometimes I get dirty looks at powwows because my husband is full-blooded. All I am sayin' is you can't always know a person's race just by lookin' at 'em. Although sometimes you can...

[Singing Eagle]

I didn't read all the posts - I think I have adult ADD but anyways...

I hope that my daughter will marry someone who treats her exceptionally good - if that person ends up being Aboriginal then great - that would be my preference. However I am open minded enough to accept a nice guy of any colour.

[WhoMe]

What happened to being married, "ndn style"

(aka. just living together with the inlaws)


*L