Pregnant Teenagers!

[Foxmoon]

[Foxmoon]

Hit the wrong Button

Is this a national problem or what? You can teach them values and morals and that doesn't mean crap! The justice system has made it legal for a 16 year old to consent to having sex with a 26 year old and there aint nothing us parents can do! The worst thing is you as a parent are responsable for your child and the unborn baby until your child turns 18 years old or they get married. I have a huge problem with this and with my 17year old daughter right now. She was a virgin until 2 1/2 months ago and did not use protection. Stupid much!!!!! I just found out 2 days ago I need some friends to help calm me down and to think rationally if thats possible !!!!!
Thanks so much

[DaCotau]

I worked in a program for teen Moms for three years. It is true that these girls faced many challenges but I also witnessed many success stories so remember that all is not necessarily lost with the birth of a child in one's teen years. One of the major determining factors in a teen parent's success is the support they get from their family. As difficult as it may be for you at first it is extremely important to be a support to your daughter. If she loses you she will turn for help to others who may not love or care for her or her child and this could snow ball into a real tragedy. Obviously by your description your daughter made a mistake in judgement that has now resulted in a major life changing situation. Life changing for her and her family. I have also had family members become mothers as teens and I know the first reaction of parents is typically to be very very disappointed. Some of my family members were became very rersponsible mothers despite their age, and some just could not handle it and the babies ended up being raised by others. To get some perspective though the issue of teen pregnancy has only become an issue per se within the last 100 years. Before then becomming a wife and mother before the age of 20 was typical. My grandmother was married at 14 and had her first child at 15 (this was in 1935!).

[Nezbah]

Is this a national problem or what? You can teach them values and morals and that doesn't mean crap! The justice system has made it legal for a 16 year old to consent to having sex with a 26 year old and there aint nothing us parents can do! The worst thing is you as a parent are responsable for your child and the unborn baby until your child turns 18 years old or they get married. I have a huge problem with this and with my 17year old daughter right now. She was a virgin until 2 1/2 months ago and did not use protection. Stupid much!!!!! I just found out 2 days ago I need some friends to help calm me down and to think rationally if thats possible !!!!!
Thanks so much

Ohhhh I hear ya on that one, Foxmoon. Don't worry you have a right to feel the way you do. Unfortunately there are many kids out there who are making these choices without really thinking them through. I myself have been consistantly talking to my son about choices, where as, everything he does he has to make that choice. Even though he is young, I try to instill the fact that if he makes a bad choice, there are consequences. And if he makes the good choice, the more respect he'll gain, which has more value than anything in the world.

Now, the one thing that I have found with young women these days, is the ole, taking care of a baby thing. With a baby doll, have your daughter, care for it, wake up every waking hour during the night to feed it, tend to it when it cries, change its diaper, etc. etc. Help her feel the responsiblity of 'motherhood', even giving her 'money' (fake money is good) to teach her about the financial responsibilty of motherhood as well. Give her about a week to feel what this responsiblity is about, I bet you anything she will think twice about the consequences of unprotected sex. Another good way is to take her to the AIDS clinic or even meet others with AIDS, let them tell her about their stories or even just read about it online. Having cared for AIDS patients in the past, really helped me teach about unprotected sex, including drinking and partying, what bad decisions may lead too. One of my best friends passed on from AIDS and the one thing that stuck in my mind was that when I was at his bedside for the last few days, he just looked at me and said, If I didn't have to have all those drinks, i'd still be alive, I wouldn't be planning my own funeral now.

I am sure you're a good mom and have done everything you can do to protect your own. However, don't sit there and blame yourself, be strong, and understanding. Listen and encourage your daughter to be strong too. If you need to, take her to the local planned parenthood, let a health professional help her too. I know, I would feel the same way if my son did something like this, who knows, he might, but love, understanding, and positive reinforcement is going to help in the long run. You've done the right thing and that was ask for help. Well if you need help, just pm me. All of us mothers are behind ya, I know we have either experienced this ourselves or will in some time.........

[Chevy_truckin_NDN]

I'm sorry to hear that you are upset, I would be too, to hear that your daughter has decided to join the rest of us women in being a more responsible human being. You just need awhile to adjust and accept something that you cannot change.

And you know those value and morals that we teach our kids? They don't just go out the window when they get knocked up. I'm sure your daughter herself is ashamed about what has happened. But the good thing is, that in the future whether she has a boy or a girl she will be passing along those values and morals.

If you need to get it out, expound here about it, and at the same time, count to 10, because whether you like it or not, this kid is having a kid and you need to be there to make sure that she has a healthy baby and that the father helps whether is just emotionally or financially or both! which is a bonus. Okay, I'm outta here. Good luck, and keep your chin up being a GRANDPARENT sounds great! (I can't wait to get there myself, just not within the next 2 decades....LMAO)

[MissFancyChick]

I wasnt sure, but did you say your daughter is pregnant? or just active?

well i work in an alternative hs and i know quite a few teen mothers. all i can say is offer support... love and understanding. sit and watch what you have taught her. she probably knows more than you think she does... especially if she is around kids/babies a lot.

if she is just active... SCARE HER!! show her the worst case scenarios... std's are soooo gross and easy to catch... especially in small towns. you cant stop her, but just get in her mind... she WILL think before she has unprotected sex again. thats all you can do... give her condoms, get her on a birth control method... and in a few months get her tested just in case...

good luck!!

[2lineCarrandMorgan]

hello foxmoon,
im here for you if you need to talk

,my daughteris a teenage mother twice the first time her dad put her in a materney home and the home would home school and help her learn how to mother her son untill he was two, but she ran awaywith her child and babys father when he was 3 mo old, she was on the missing and endanger list for more than a year. i did not know where she was untill last march she called wanted to come home{ she was living deep in mexico I took a bus alone to get them and bring them back to texas} and she now has a 4 mo old and a 2 year old and yes we are responsitable for her and the babies, currintly she live with her dad but day care two blockes from my house and in my case I do most of the work getting everyone where thier supposed to be .
i love my daughter and my grand kids . and now i realy dont have any plane but for them for the next 4 or 5 years i get upset sometimes and need to talk i have my mom and my older daughter who will help deal with things.
but becouse teenageers haveing babies is rampent event junior high there is lots of help out there ie: wick , child care
and classes on child care
if we can do it any one can.
but in your post, you did not say if she is with child ...
i hope you the very best and even thought it might inconvice you now, the life a child bringes is amazion and the child is part of you!
to see my daughter you can go to myspace.com [email protected] and {search by email}. then when you get to my page, jocelyn is on my friends list and click on her pic then see her profile and on the pic you will see my grandkids if you want.
so any way everyone has a life to live. oh as im typing this My GrandDaughter Grace is sitting with me, and she is so sweet.

[SuzzeQ4]

Well of course your angry & scared, however your daughter probably is too. Venting here is probably a good idea. However, she does need your support in order to grew in to a good responsible. i have worked as a doula, lactation consultant & childbirth educator. i have seen good Moms of all ages & bad moms of all ages.
Support & love will help your daughter support & love her baby. Helping her take responsibility with joy instead of trying to prove to her how much there is will help her take the responsibility with joy.
Offering help in order for her body to properly heal in the first 6 weeks will help her avoid PPD.
I was a young mother (21) thought I was so mature at the time...lol I did pretty well at first & then I fell a bit searcing for a social life. however I got back on track when I made friends with other Women instead of girls. I have seen this be a common pitfall.
Hope all works out well.
P.S. Hope she is planning on finnishing school. Good Luck

[Foxmoon]

Thank you!

I worked in a program for teen Moms for three years. It is true that these girls faced many challenges but I also witnessed many success stories so remember that all is not necessarily lost with the birth of a child in one's teen years. One of the major determining factors in a teen parent's success is the support they get from their family. As difficult as it may be for you at first it is extremely important to be a support to your daughter. If she loses you she will turn for help to others who may not love or care for her or her child and this could snow ball into a real tragedy. Obviously by your description your daughter made a mistake in judgement that has now resulted in a major life changing situation. Life changing for her and her family. I have also had family members become mothers as teens and I know the first reaction of parents is typically to be very very disappointed. Some of my family members were became very rersponsible mothers despite their age, and some just could not handle it and the babies ended up being raised by others. To get some perspective though the issue of teen pregnancy has only become an issue per se within the last 100 years. Before then becomming a wife and mother before the age of 20 was typical. My grandmother was married at 14 and had her first child at 15 (this was in 1935!).

You gave me very good information. I was a teen that got myself into a bad situation. I lost the baby though I was also 17 years old. But I was alot more muture then what my daughter is now. I also was on birth contorl at the time. I ended up pregnant with her at 19 and had her I was a single mom for 9 years. My mom was supportive with her but not my first. And now I have an 8 year old. I really dont want to be a grandma at 37 years old though. THank you for sharing all your valuable information.

[Foxmoon]

Thanks

Ohhhh I hear ya on that one, Foxmoon. Don't worry you have a right to feel the way you do. Unfortunately there are many kids out there who are making these choices without really thinking them through. I myself have been consistantly talking to my son about choices, where as, everything he does he has to make that choice. Even though he is young, I try to instill the fact that if he makes a bad choice, there are consequences. And if he makes the good choice, the more respect he'll gain, which has more value than anything in the world.

Now, the one thing that I have found with young women these days, is the ole, taking care of a baby thing. With a baby doll, have your daughter, care for it, wake up every waking hour during the night to feed it, tend to it when it cries, change its diaper, etc. etc. Help her feel the responsiblity of 'motherhood', even giving her 'money' (fake money is good) to teach her about the financial responsibilty of motherhood as well. Give her about a week to feel what this responsiblity is about, I bet you anything she will think twice about the consequences of unprotected sex. Another good way is to take her to the AIDS clinic or even meet others with AIDS, let them tell her about their stories or even just read about it online. Having cared for AIDS patients in the past, really helped me teach about unprotected sex, including drinking and partying, what bad decisions may lead too. One of my best friends passed on from AIDS and the one thing that stuck in my mind was that when I was at his bedside for the last few days, he just looked at me and said, If I didn't have to have all those drinks, i'd still be alive, I wouldn't be planning my own funeral now.

I am sure you're a good mom and have done everything you can do to protect your own. However, don't sit there and blame yourself, be strong, and understanding. Listen and encourage your daughter to be strong too. If you need to, take her to the local planned parenthood, let a health professional help her too. I know, I would feel the same way if my son did something like this, who knows, he might, but love, understanding, and positive reinforcement is going to help in the long run. You've done the right thing and that was ask for help. Well if you need help, just pm me. All of us mothers are behind ya, I know we have either experienced this ourselves or will in some time.........

She has had a parneting class with that baby and she didn't do so well. Thank you for reminding me not to blame myself that really hits me hard but I truely know that there was nothing more that I could of done differently. She has made some poor choices and all I can do is try to be there for her. I will also take your advice and go to an aids clinic for her to understand the importance of safe sex for the future.
Thanks so much I might take you up on the pm.

[Foxmoon]

Praying

I'm sorry to hear that you are upset, I would be too, to hear that your daughter has decided to join the rest of us women in being a more responsible human being. You just need awhile to adjust and accept something that you cannot change.

And you know those value and morals that we teach our kids? They don't just go out the window when they get knocked up. I'm sure your daughter herself is ashamed about what has happened. But the good thing is, that in the future whether she has a boy or a girl she will be passing along those values and morals.

If you need to get it out, expound here about it, and at the same time, count to 10, because whether you like it or not, this kid is having a kid and you need to be there to make sure that she has a healthy baby and that the father helps whether is just emotionally or financially or both! which is a bonus. Okay, I'm outta here. Good luck, and keep your chin up being a GRANDPARENT sounds great! (I can't wait to get there myself, just not within the next 2 decades....LMAO)

I hope you are right about the morals and values sticking with her for future use. I will try to keep my chin up. Tomorrow we will be going to the dr.'s for the first time. Wish us well.
Thanks for your input it means alot.

[Foxmoon]

Pregnant

I wasnt sure, but did you say your daughter is pregnant? or just active?

well i work in an alternative hs and i know quite a few teen mothers. all i can say is offer support... love and understanding. sit and watch what you have taught her. she probably knows more than you think she does... especially if she is around kids/babies a lot.

if she is just active... SCARE HER!! show her the worst case scenarios... std's are soooo gross and easy to catch... especially in small towns. you cant stop her, but just get in her mind... she WILL think before she has unprotected sex again. thats all you can do... give her condoms, get her on a birth control method... and in a few months get her tested just in case...

good luck!!

She has taken 2 home tests but tomorrow we go to the dr's . I have not seen either test but she says they both came out positive. Thanks for the methods of scaring her. I will support her and will if she is not get her on birth contol and condoms!
Thanks

[Foxmoon]

She says she is!

hello foxmoon,
im here for you if you need to talk

,my daughteris a teenage mother twice the first time her dad put her in a materney home and the home would home school and help her learn how to mother her son untill he was two, but she ran awaywith her child and babys father when he was 3 mo old, she was on the missing and endanger list for more than a year. i did not know where she was untill last march she called wanted to come home{ she was living deep in mexico I took a bus alone to get them and bring them back to texas} and she now has a 4 mo old and a 2 year old and yes we are responsitable for her and the babies, currintly she live with her dad but day care two blockes from my house and in my case I do most of the work getting everyone where thier supposed to be .
i love my daughter and my grand kids . and now i realy dont have any plane but for them for the next 4 or 5 years i get upset sometimes and need to talk i have my mom and my older daughter who will help deal with things.
but becouse teenageers haveing babies is rampent event junior high there is lots of help out there ie: wick , child care
and classes on child care
if we can do it any one can.
but in your post, you did not say if she is with child ...
i hope you the very best and even thought it might inconvice you now, the life a child bringes is amazion and the child is part of you!
to see my daughter you can go to myspace.com [email protected] and {search by email}. then when you get to my page, jocelyn is on my friends list and click on her pic then see her profile and on the pic you will see my grandkids if you want.
so any way everyone has a life to live. oh as im typing this My GrandDaughter Grace is sitting with me, and she is so sweet.

Thank you for the reminder of my responsability even though I don't want it right now you make it sound like it will be ok. I will take a look at your my space. We have a dr's appointment tomorrow and we will know for sure. I will make sure to support her so I don't go crazy and wander if she and the baby are ok. That must of been very scary for you! Thanks so much for sharing your personal story on this subject.

[Foxmoon]

Scared isn't the word for it!

Well of course your angry & scared, however your daughter probably is too. Venting here is probably a good idea. However, she does need your support in order to grew in to a good responsible. i have worked as a doula, lactation consultant & childbirth educator. i have seen good Moms of all ages & bad moms of all ages.
Support & love will help your daughter support & love her baby. Helping her take responsibility with joy instead of trying to prove to her how much there is will help her take the responsibility with joy.
Offering help in order for her body to properly heal in the first 6 weeks will help her avoid PPD.
I was a young mother (21) thought I was so mature at the time...lol I did pretty well at first & then I fell a bit searcing for a social life. however I got back on track when I made friends with other Women instead of girls. I have seen this be a common pitfall.
Hope all works out well.
P.S. Hope she is planning on finnishing school. Good Luck

I have not thought about her emotions I was to caught up in my own the last couple of days. Thank you so much for reminding me that she is the one with the real feelings of scaredness here I have been through it before. She has been planning that if she truely is with baby she was going to get married this december and move to cali with her boyfriend and not finish school I am trying to talk her and him out of that and have her stay here at home so I can help. About her spending time with other women instead of girls is a great idea. Thanks so much.

[Nezbah]

She has had a parneting class with that baby and she didn't do so well. Thank you for reminding me not to blame myself that really hits me hard but I truely know that there was nothing more that I could of done differently. She has made some poor choices and all I can do is try to be there for her. I will also take your advice and go to an aids clinic for her to understand the importance of safe sex for the future.
Thanks so much I might take you up on the pm.

Well I read what some other parents/mothers and other women had to say about this. Then I read your responses and the facts, mostly pertaining how ya feel about her being/possibly pregnant. Your right, you have done what you can do, now that she has made her choice doing what she did, all you can do is just support her. I know as a parent, we only want the best for our children. Now if she is pregnant, she will be a woman and forced to 'grow' up fast. There are alot of sensitive feelings on both sides, yours, hers, her fathers (if he is in the picture) and the rest of the family. Sit down and be focused about the immediate picture, support one another and don't even begin the blame game because its nonexistant right now. I know for myself, I would be confused, scared, angry, etc but I know that the past has already happened and its time to take care of the future. Maybe one of the best things you can do is go to your elders (women), pray, and let them help her with some guidance, like someone said earlier. Just make sure she is surrounded by good positive women and peers, it will hopefully make things much easier. Keep your lines of communication open, its one of the things I wish I still had with my mother today. Again, good luck and we'll keep you and your daughter in our prayers.....