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If your childhood sucked-It's time to stop blaming your Parents!

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  • If your childhood sucked-It's time to stop blaming your Parents!

    Dear Parent Blamer,

    Firstly let me say, stop it.

    It’s pathetic and pointless. And for the rest of us innocent bystanders… very annoying.

    To be completely honest, we’re sick of your whining, your complaining, your anger, your victim mentality and your inability to see that your current attitude (not some historical event) is your biggest problem. We’re also sick of you blaming your (current) bad behaviour on your parents. What’s standing between you and success right now is YOU. Not your folks, not your history… you. And the fact that you think THEY have sabotaged your life and are somehow responsible for your (current) stupid behaviours and less-than-desirable outcomes, wreaks of denial, immaturity and delusion.

    Yes, we all get that your childhood, or parts thereof, sucked - welcome to the world’s largest club.

    We also get that your old man was periodically a completely insensitive, uncommunicative *%#@* at times. Sadly, that’s what (many) fathers do. And yep, we know that your mother was a selfish cow that time when you were in the eighth (and ninth and tenth) grade; it happens.

    Okay, let’s be honest and blunt… some parents are crap. And yes, many of us have been hurt - physically, emotionally and/or psychologically - by our parents. I am not suggesting that you deny your past, but I am suggesting that you don’t live there. It’ll kill you. In ten different ways. Some people have been inhabiting the seventies and eighties and re-visiting their childhood for the last few decades.

    No matter how much you think your parents deserve your anger, vitriol and resentment, I’m telling you (1) it serves no positive purpose (2) it will hurt you more than them (3) stop being a big, immature, stupid baby and (4) you and only you, are responsible for your current reality - no matter what your parents have or haven’t done to you, or for you.

    Even though you may have a very good ‘reason’ to be eternally pissed at your folks, I’m saying let it go anyway. Move on. And it’s not about what they do or don’t deserve; it’s about what you deserve. If you want to destroy your potential, your enthusiasm, your optimism and your hope, then become a chronic Parent Blamer. Hang on to that hurt, no matter what!

    Or you could let me save you some serious time and pain and just believe me when I tell you that being a Parent Blamer is a pointless, destructive, pathetic waste of your potential and emotional energy. And if you’re not careful, a waste of your life. It will destroy you from the inside out. It’s true; some people will die angry, bitter, resentful and tortured souls because they never found a way to let go of the self-perpetuated - yep, read that clearly, self-perpetuated - misery. When you’re still desperately holding on to emotional crap from years ago, it’s YOU that’s the problem. When you’re twenty five, thirty five or fifty five and you’re still thinking, talking and behaving like a teenager who’s mad at their parents, you need a big reality check.

    The only thing you can change about the past, is how you let it affect you now.

    You may wanna read that again.

    Over the years I have worked with people who have blamed their parents for everything from their poor communication skills, dysfunctional relationships, destructive habits and violent behaviours, to their fat body and poor eating habits. What!!! Do you not have a brain in your head? Are you incapable of independent thought? Can you not make your own decisions, choose your own behaviours and be responsible for your own existence? Surely you feed yourself these days? Surely you have some control over what comes out of your mouth? And surely you can choose to do, be and create different in your world.

    Perhaps your parents taught you how not to be?

    Let me say that I totally understand that your parents weren’t always what they should or could have been for you as a child (caring, supportive, forgiving, understanding, loving, available, guiding, honest). You have my sympathy and understanding but you’re not alone. You’re in a very large majority. The problem with parents is that they’re flawed and that whole ‘being human’ thing kind of gets in the way of parental perfection. If only parents were cyborgs.

    Today’s article is the result of an inordinate amount of recent conversations I’ve had with people who are hell-bent on blaming their parents for every aspect of their own miserable and dysfunctional existence. Sometimes the vitriol, the anger, the resentment and dare I say, the absolute hatred, that people hang on to (for decades) amazes and saddens me.

    The parental blame game is a slippery slope of self-pity, self-destruction and futility that’s played by far too many people to their own detriment. It’s a game you’re advised to avoid.

    Hope this letter finds you well,


    {I GOT THIS LETTER from Craig Harper ? Motivational Speaker Australia's leading Motivational Speaker and Educator}
    Last edited by jwashee; 06-11-2009, 12:09 AM. Reason: ADD FOOT NOTE

  • #2
    This letter sounds like Zeke's motivational speech!!!

    Why must I feel like that..why must I chase the cat?

    "When I was young man I did some dumb things and the elders would talk to me. Sometimes I listened. Time went by and as I looked around...I was the elder".

    Mr. Rossie Freeman


    • #3
      Well I do agree with it
      If I heard once I have heard a million times from natives and even my own brother
      We were raised in a ndn housing and had nothing, we were surrounded by alcoholics and an abusive father who drank and this is why I drink he says
      As if that were the real problem
      He conveniently looks over the fact that he has 3 brothers and sister that were raised in the same place as he was and are not Alcoholics

      Its too easy to fall in that trap to blame others for your own lot in life
      But he dont want to hear this from his sober siblings, that he brought onto himself the vast majority of problems because he does drink
      Which is why he cant keep a job the alcohol is more important
      He is 46 years old and I bet he has not kept the same job for more than a year his WHOLE LIFE
      And yet he blames his father for all his problems
      And steals when he can from his own brothers and sister to help him drink

      This story is not new I hear this same story all over Ndn Country

      Its time to take responsibility for your own actions and not go down that path that leads to alcoholism
      We all know where it ends
      Yep my father drank himself to death
      AGE 56
      My cousin
      Age 26
      Age 59
      and on and on
      ᎠᏂᎩᏚᏩᎩ - Anigiduwagi
      Till I Die!


      • #4
        i want to mail it to a few of my children....
        Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass..It's about learning to dance in the rain. for me and the wolf


        • #5
          Good words!!

          Yes we are a product of our environment... BUT that doesn't mean we can't change!! If my wife acted like mother in-law, and her sisters... I would have left a long time ago!!
          I'm innocent I tell ya!!!


          • #6
            If i can't blame my parents who can i blame.......wait, i need to get my phone book......hmmmmm click (elevator music)....okay here it is....

            ........joe's dad?, that high school kid Zeke already blames him.

            .......Josiah? ...nah, the FAKE MEDICINE MAN & WOMEN already blame him for their oppression....(Hey! medicine dude, sHut Up!...whut? Don't make me call Josiah....that's what I thought. I will take his belt and beat U! Don't make me go down there....Damn Josiah, how do u do it? They're like a bunch rez cats who won't shut up until they get their attention.....sheesh.

            okay who else?...........Ndnsooner and her husband?, even if they didn't pass the tissue like I ASKED!!!!..... BECAUSE I'M STILL CHAFFING!

            I got it, I got!!........

            ...........I'll blame Osama Bin Ladin!....Get him 50!!
            I wannabe cool.....2


            • #7
              well my son read the first post in this thread and i believe it might have helped him deal with his point of anger ...hes 16 so maybe Im jumping the gun a little, but i think it has help him see something in a new light
              thank you jwashee
              Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass..It's about learning to dance in the rain. for me and the wolf


              • #8
                Last edited by lbgood; 07-30-2009, 02:36 AM.


                • #9
                  im sure there are more issues involved as to why certain ppl keep blaiming their parents...

                  thats what u get 4 breaking my heart...


                  • #10
                    i think sum ppl just cant get over the fact that the two most important ppl in their whole existance that were sposda care for them, love them and keep them safe...were the two ppl that caused them the most pain and fear blah blah blah or somthing like that anyways

                    oh and i blame my mother for these cramps right now


                    If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving u
                    When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be u an me..


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Joe's Dad View Post
                      This letter sounds like Zeke's motivational speech!!!
                      I admit to liking it.

                      A LOT.


                      • #12
                        Last edited by lbgood; 07-30-2009, 02:37 AM.


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Zeke View Post
                          I admit to liking it.

                          A LOT.
                          Dude, you know sometimes you just make laugh when I need it.


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Zeke View Post
                            I admit to liking it.

                            A LOT.
                            Dude, you remind me of HOUSE!!


                            • #15
                              Both of my parents had fathers that were abusive and drank.........neither of my parents drink and were never abusive to me or my brother. They made a decision NOT to let one person shape the rest of their lives. They are both very loving and gentle.........and very strong in their committment to each other and to their children. They've been married 59 years......and are well respected in our community........and very much cherished by their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
                              My best friend growing up had a very abusive father..........she used to run to our house when things got bad at her parents would give her a safe refuge until she felt she could go home. She married a man who was abusive.......after 15 years of trying to shape the man she loved into a decent person she left him.......and never looked back. She doesn't carry on any of the bitterness or hate she had to deal with the majority of her life. Why? my parents......decided not to let one person's bad lifestyle shape her life.
                              They all have a strong will to move on and get on with life..... to be the most loving and caring person they can be and live life to the best. They don't blame the people that were bad to them.......they learned that was not a behavior they wanted in their lives.
                              I hope that anyone that has had bad things happen in their lives will take that heavy coat of bitterness off and move on to a happier life.
                              My Dad once told me that if you let a bad person make you miserable......then you've just empowered that person to keep you a victim. If you choose to dismiss any of their influence and move on to a better life.......than you are the victor.


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