No announcement yet.

American People Ruled Unfit To Govern

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • American People Ruled Unfit To Govern

    This was posted on the TX-AIM yahoo group - thought I'd share...

    The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

    WASHINGTON, DC-In a historic decision with major
    implications for the future of U.S. participatory
    democracy, the Supreme Court ruled 8-1 Monday that the
    American people are unfit to govern.
    American Focus

    The controversial decision, the first of its kind in
    the 210-year history of U.S. representative
    government, was, according to Justice David Souter, "a
    response to the clear, demonstrable incompetence and
    indifference of the current U.S. citizenry in matters
    concerning the operation of this nation's government."

    As a result of the ruling, the American people will no
    longer retain the power to choose their own federal,
    state, and local officials or vote on matters of
    concern to the public.

    "This decision was by no means easy, but it
    unfortunately had to be done," said Justice Antonin
    Scalia, who penned the majority decision in the case.
    "The U.S. Constitution is very clear: In the event
    that the voting public becomes incapacitated or
    otherwise unfit to carry out its duties of
    self-governance, there is a danger posed to the
    republic, and the judicial branch is empowered to
    remove said public and replace it with a populace more
    qualified to lead."

    "In light of their unmitigated apathy toward issues of
    import to the nation's welfare and their inability to
    grasp even the most basic principles upon which
    participatory democracy is built, we found no choice
    but to rule the American people unfit to govern at
    this time," Scalia concluded.

    The controversial ruling, court members stressed, is
    not intended as a slight against the character of the
    American people, but merely a necessary measure for
    the public good.
    Just some of the millions of empty voting booths that
    can be seen across America each November.
    Above: Just some of the millions of empty voting
    booths that can be seen across America each November.

    "The public's right to the best possible
    representation is a founding principle of our nation,"
    Justice Sandra Day O'Connor told reporters. "If you
    were on a jet airliner, you wouldn't want an
    untrained, incompetent pilot at the controls, and this
    is the same thing. As federal justices, we have taken
    a solemn oath to uphold every citizen's constitutional
    rights, and if we were to permit an irresponsible,
    indifferent public to continue to helm the ship of
    state, we would be remiss in our duties and putting
    the entire nation at risk."

    The ruling brings to an end a grueling 10-month
    process, during which more than 100 Supreme Court
    hearings were held to determine the public's capacity
    for self-governance. In spite of the fact that these
    hearings were aired on C-SPAN, most U.S. citizens were
    unaware of them because coverage was largely eclipsed
    by news that Mary-Kate Olsen, one of the famed Olsen
    twins, is battling anorexia.

    The Supreme Court found that, though 78 percent of
    U.S. citizens have seen Star Wars, only one in 200,000
    were aware that the multibillion-dollar "Star Wars"
    missile-defense system had been approved by Congress.
    Additionally, while 62 percent of citizens correctly
    identified the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond, only
    .01 percent could identify former attorney general
    Janet Reno beyond "some woman Jay Leno always says
    looks like a man." Further, only .0003 percent could
    correctly identify the ancient Greek city-state of
    Athens as the birthplace of the concept of an educated
    citizenry participating in democratic self-rule.

    But the final straw, Supreme Court justices said, came
    last week, when none of the 500,000 random citizens
    polled were aware of the existence of North Korea's
    nuclear-weapons program.

    "I mean, come on," Justice William Rehnquist said.
    "The threat of global thermonuclear war? It's just
    ridiculous. There was no way we could trust such a
    populace to keep running things after that."

    Populations currently being considered to fill the
    leadership void until the American people can be
    rehabilitated and returned to self-governance include
    those of Switzerland, Sweden, and Canada.

    "I'm willing to do what I can to help out in this time
    of crisis and make sure that my vote counts,"
    Stockholm resident Per Johanssen said. "I've been
    reading up on America a bit, just to get a general
    idea of what needs to be done, and from what I can
    tell, they really need some sort of broad-based
    healthcare reform over there right away."

    In a provisional test of the new system, the Canadian
    province of Saskatchewan will hold primaries next
    Tuesday to re-evaluate last year's gubernatorial
    election in California.

    The lone dissenting vote came from Justice Anthony
    Kennedy, who, in his minority opinion, wrote,
    "Although the American people are clearly unable to
    make responsible decisions at this time, it is not
    their fault that they are so uninformed. Rather, the
    blame lies with the media interests and corporate
    powers that intentionally keep them in the dark on
    crucial issues."

    Kennedy concluded his opinion by tendering his
    resignation and announcing his intent "to move to a
    small island somewhere."

    Thus far, reaction to the ruling has been largely

    "The people ruled unfit to govern? Yeah, I think I
    might've heard something about that," said Covington,
    KY, sales representative Neil Chester. "I think I saw
    it on the news or something, when I was flipping past
    trying to find that show about the lady sheriff."

    "If you ask me, voting was a big pain anyway," said
    mother of four Sally Heim of Augusta, ME. "At least
    now I'm free to do my soap-opera-trivia crossword
    puzzles in peace, without all that distraction about
    who's running for Second District Alderperson and

    In spite of the enormous impact the ruling would seem
    to have, many political experts are downplaying its

    "It doesn't really change anything, to be honest,"
    Duke University political-science professor Benjamin
    St. James said. "The public hasn't made any real
    contributions to the governance of the country in
    decades, so I don't see how this ruling affects all
    that much."

    "I wouldn't worry about it," St. James added. "It's
    not that important."


    im thinkin' its just a satire, but it strikes a little too close for comfort, don't u think? :Eyebrows

  • #2
    The Onion is a satire newspaper :)


    • #3
      thanks for verifying that... i wasn't sure, but kinda figured so. But it's still a little too close for comfort :(


      • #4
        Ya know there is one country somewhere in the east I think that once a year wives get to cain there husbands to relieve all their stress or what ever...I think we should envoke that right here as well...Atleast once a year all politicians and judicial people alike should have to be cained by us...just to let them know that we still do exisist...The american people that is..people need to step down off the big head syndrome for a second or so... And I would have to say that I don't really care about korea's missile system..I mean if they were really going to us them they would have done so before they let it be known they had one.
        There should be a law against stupid people being able to breed!


        Join the online community forum celebrating Native American Culture, Pow Wows, tribes, music, art, and history.

        Related Topics




        There are no results that meet this criteria.

        Sidebar Ad