I wont be accepted huh

[TamiJ]

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[Kool Breeze]

So if you really just want to get to know your relatives and learn your family culture, then go do that. You dont need an enrollment card for that. If youre really Indian, your family knows that and that should be all the sense of identity and belonging you need.

[ojibwaysweetie]

If I were in a similar situation, no one would stop me from finding my relatives, whether they like it or not. *LOL* But thats just me the lil whippersnapper I am. :p


:Chatter

I'd start by going to the powwow and talk to some of the elders from there breaking to them gently my story :)

[Blackbear]

I don't know what to tell you Tamij. It does make me wonder why they seem so reluctant, but then again I'm not in their shoes. Have you thought about mentioning the name of your mother to them? It might be possible they would know or remember her and be less suspicious of your claims and motives.

I don't know if what I am gonna say next is good advice or not... some will view it one way and others another, but if things remain the same. I do'nt think I would push it too hard. Perseverance usually pays off but when perseverence becomes too strong it's percieved as pushy and that will probably turn them off more.

[River Spirit]

Tami,
I am an adoptee. Forget the tribal enrollment/casino profit issue for a minute. Your search for recognition by your father is not that differen from an adoptee searching for birthparents.

How would you expect a relative of your Dad (?) to react when they get a call out of the blue saying HE'S MY DAD!?
You need to have a little sensitivity here. I believe you said in another post that his name is not on your birth certificate. Short of a blood test or him declaring publicly 'this is my child' you have absolutely no legal rights. I'm not talking tribal stuff--I'm talking 'LIFE'.

I believe I also read that you went up to a pow-wow at Mille Lacs to say 'here I am'. What the hell are you doing? While you've been making your life; he's been making one of his own. Maybe his family don't know about you. Maybe a current wife doesn't know about you. What a tactful way to introduce yourself.

It wouldn't hurt you to read some books on adoptees looking for birthparents to better understand what the implications for that extended family are, if you are their niece or whatever. 'Search for Self' by Beverly Engel would be a good place to start. Only you can make your 'identity'. I've made the mistake of trying too hard to belong myself and all it has done is backfire on me.

I hope that you haven't burned your bridges with these people. But I think you should step back and be a bit more realistic.

[Singing Eagle]

I agree with the comments above - and want to add -


from what I've seen you post on here - your motives aren't only to meet your dad and his family - you've said that you want to get on to the roll - maybe you should look at it as not getting tribal enrollment but it's getting your father's name - something you have a claim to - if you can prove your connection to him. Ask for a paternity test.


I'd also suggest that you not post names - it will likely get back to them

[TamiJ]

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[River Spirit]

This is going to come across cruel and harsh; but there is no other way to put it. Your mother had a 'one night stand' with this man she is claiming is your father. We've all had one night stands (well alot of us). My point is, if she had one, she could've had others. You don't have his name on a birth certificate, you don't have a blood test. You've got the cart before the horse, honey. You want to belong so much to something, a heritage, an identity, etc., you've got yourself all worked up into a dither and now your're going around stirring up the lives of others. Please take a step backwards. If your motives are genuinely familial and a need for a heritage you'll see the wisdom in this. You could very well have the wrong man. Until you have proof positive, through legal means, you need to leave this man and his family alone; not only for his sake, but yours. Build yourself up with false hopes and false positives and it'll come crashing down around your ears. I've been there. You don't want to do this.

[TamiJ]

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[TamiJ]

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[Kool Breeze]

Maury Povich could probably help you out with a paternal blood test.

[Kool Breeze]

I have always been told Mille Lacs doesnt give any money out

This statement seems a bit suspect. You must have been asking around to see if the tribe gets money. And even though they may not now, maybe you're hopeful that they will eventually. This is a bit fishy if you ask me.

[TamiJ]

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[Singing Eagle]

This statement seems a bit suspect. You must have been asking around to see if the tribe gets money. And even though they may not now, maybe you're hopeful that they will eventually. This is a bit fishy if you ask me.

The beauty of the internet is that we can ask all these questions to all these people with wide array of vast and varied experiences.

The downside of course is that it's all open to interpretation.

I think that KB was stating his observation as did I a few posts up. You gotta remember that all we have to go on is what you've posted - so try to see it as a request for clarification rather then getting all defensive and accusing us of being against you - girl we don't even know you - so why would we be against you? With all the posts replying at once - it must feel like we're piling on you - take a deep breath - if it gets to be too much - take a break.

You're asking some tough questions and you're emotionally involved - a lot of us have been through similar situations and are able to look objectively at this and ask some even tougher questions. You might see that we're trying to be helpful.

[ac_miss]

Maury Povich could probably help you out with a paternal blood test.

Funny, I was thinking that, too.

Anyway, I just think you, TAMI, should get your supposed dad to take a paternal test because in the end, what if he isn't your true dad? Then you would've created alot of problems for him, his family, and yourself. You don't want that heartache. It could be embarrassing for both sides. But if you really want to know, it might be best to have a paternal test. Then if he truly is your dad, then you can start the enrollment procedures.

In cases like yours, most tribal enrollments require a birth certificate, notarized document from birth father, or child support statements in order to enroll.

Good luck in whatever you do.