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  • Parenting Question....Help!!

    Ok, I am turning to you all for advice. I have a 20 month old daughter who has started this awful behavior of biting the kids at her daycare when they take her toy, make her mad...etc. I understand this is normal for kids her age, but if she gets "written up" three times, she is suspended from daycare!

    So....what is the best way to handle this behavior? The problem is, she does not do it at home, so I can't discipline her. At school, they are put into time out....

    Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

  • #2
    Tough one! I have a daycare and I just work it out with the child and the parents..but then again I only have 6 kids here.

    I have heard reward works well, for good behavior.
    Shop at the dollar store for playdough, dolls, chalk, crayons, books..then for every day that the child does not bite or misbehave, then reward with a small toy... but this generally works better with an older child.

    A 20 month old will just have to realize that biting is unacceptable and reinforce using words and sharing.
    Let them know that they hurt the other child and made them cry. Bring to their attention that they themselves do not like to be hurt, so why hurt someone else.

    I think you will find it will not last long and grow out of it.

    I have had very few children who did not bite at one time or another and some times repeatedly.

    Good Luck!

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    • #3
      I'm not a Mom so maybe I shouldn't comment....but....when I was her age my cousin Lisa (we were born 3 days apart) used to bite me all the time. She didn't quit until her Mom 'gently' bit her on the finger so she could 'relate' to the pain. No more biting.
      "The Cleveland Indians are going to change their name. They don't want to be known as a team that perpetuates racial stereotypes. From now on they're just going to be called the Indians." - Native Comedian Vaughn Eaglebear, Colville/Lakota

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      • #4
        My kid was never a biter.. she tried once and I gently "popped" her lips with my finger and told her never do that again and so far she has'nt... But my friend did the same thing when her boy started biting as retaliation.. she bit him (not hard, no bruise no broken skin) on the arm and told him that when he does it to other kids it hurts worse. He got the clue pretty quick. I think it is just foriegn and feels too unpleasant to have momma "bite" you and that's why it worked. He was really too young to understand the concept of it not being a nice thing to do to others. My cousins learned by who they bit biting them back LOL!
        Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... just sing, sing a song.sigpic

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        • #5
          hmm, i still bite..lol....the daycare is going to suspend her?..thats sad, kids bite, they outgrow it, well with the few exceptions, myself included;)



          *Kalilsha*



          If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving u
          When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be u an me..

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          • #6
            Originally posted by ~ Journey~
            Tough one! I have a daycare and I just work it out with the child and the parents..but then again I only have 6 kids here.

            I have heard reward works well, for good behavior.
            Shop at the dollar store for playdough, dolls, chalk, crayons, books..then for every day that the child does not bite or misbehave, then reward with a small toy... but this generally works better with an older child.

            A 20 month old will just have to realize that biting is unacceptable and reinforce using words and sharing.
            Let them know that they hurt the other child and made them cry. Bring to their attention that they themselves do not like to be hurt, so why hurt someone else.

            I think you will find it will not last long and grow out of it.

            I have had very few children who did not bite at one time or another and some times repeatedly.

            Good Luck!


            I agree with rewarding childrens GOOD behaviour. So if your child says, goes fer the week at day care without biting than he is rewarded to a movie or picnic in the park, whatever he likes to do. The more the good behaviour is re- enforced the less the bad behaviour becomes.

            ~~~ Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up. ~~~


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            • #7
              You know I'm all for rewarding good behavior too, but when i do that with my kid, she expects a reward for each and everything she does good. We started rewarding with sitting down and reading a book or playing a video game together, cause her main thing is she wants to be around us and do things with US...
              Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... just sing, sing a song.sigpic

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Blackbear
                You know I'm all for rewarding good behavior too, but when i do that with my kid, she expects a reward for each and everything she does good. We started rewarding with sitting down and reading a book or playing a video game together, cause her main thing is she wants to be around us and do things with US...
                hey Blackbear! time to have another kid! LOL! So she knows she's a kid and not a grownup!
                "The Cleveland Indians are going to change their name. They don't want to be known as a team that perpetuates racial stereotypes. From now on they're just going to be called the Indians." - Native Comedian Vaughn Eaglebear, Colville/Lakota

                Comment


                • #9
                  In the world today, a lot of people think everything is child abuse. But you have to remember the age of the child. A 20 month old baby can't sit down and understand a lecture. They understand action - reaction. When one of my kids was about this age we were visiting my grandma and she has a burning hot wood stove. Of course we watched him very closely, but he kept going closer and closer even though we said "NO-NO, HOT" Eventually, I swatted his hand. He understood pain. And in this example I would rather swat his hand then have him get a bad burn from the stove.

                  I think biting back in the answer, but in your case you are not there when she does it. And the school definetly won't do it. So your alternative is to promote sharing. If she is the only child around you have to improvise the sharing lesson.

                  If you get the opportunity to illustrate how much biting hurts, then take it. Be sure when she does bite, to ask the names of the kid she bit and try to get her to remember the incident. But she might not because she is so young. Whatever you do, do not let her get her way when she illustrates bad behavior. Even with you! That is the best discipline.
                  Last edited by kiyaanii mom; 09-25-2004, 10:38 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Blackbear
                    You know I'm all for rewarding good behavior too, but when i do that with my kid, she expects a reward for each and everything she does good. We started rewarding with sitting down and reading a book or playing a video game together, cause her main thing is she wants to be around us and do things with US...
                    the reward doesnt have to be in a payment of mateial reward just a reward, even praise like what you said spending time with YOU, that is definately a reward fer kids these days, to spend time with thier parents. Thats how i reward my kids is thru quality time one on one. So no dont go out and buy your kid a new toy every time she/ he does good Just let them know you were paying attention at thier good behaviour rather than the bad behaviour. I totally dont agree with paying your kid off it is true it becomes expected

                    ~~~ Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up. ~~~


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                    • #11
                      I think you all have great ideas and suggestions. So far we are doing well, and she hasn't bit anyone. After alot of questions, we learned that the girl she bit is the "bully" in the classroom, so my guess is she might have deserved it;)

                      Anyway, thanks again for all of the advice. This parenting job is not easy!:)

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                      • #12
                        The biting thing can drive you crazy. I have a two year old and we went through a terrible time with it. I tried everything. I finally bit him back one day and he seemed to get the message. But he still bit other people. I had to tell everyone to bite him back when he bit them. It didn't take long for him to stop all together.

                        But now he's started again. It seem's our sitter has a biter in the group. We haven't figured out which one it is. My son came home with a bit mark on his cheek about a month ago. He still has a scare from it. That's when he started trying to bite us when we discipline him. A couple of weeks ago one of the other mother's was showing the sitter two separate bite marks on her child. I'm beginning to think she has a vampire in the daycare.

                        They will grow out of it eventually, as long as you don't let them continue to get away with it.
                        Becky G.

                        www.myspace/BeckyGoins

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Everyone is sharing some great ideas on how to deal with the sticky biting situation...it is going to be tricky no matter what since the behavior is only being exhibited at day care..one thing i would suggest is to visit with the daycare facility about it..have they only given her one warning before they are going to write her up for dismissal? I would definitely talk to the director of the facility and see what his/ her suggestions are. What are the teachers thoughts as well.. Because she is so young it is hard to come up with a consequence that she will understand and it can't be dealt out hours later..she wouldn't understand that...hope it works itself out quickly. My 27 month old only bit a couple of times and it was to her baby sister and we tried the biting back after we had tried several other things and have had no more episodes...
                          OrangePridendnds1
                          "What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."
                          Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator
                          ...... everything on the earth has a purpose, every disease an herb to cure it, and every person a mission. This is the Indian theory of existence.
                          Mourning Dove Salish 1888-1936

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Spirit of Seattle
                            hey Blackbear! time to have another kid! LOL! So she knows she's a kid and not a grownup!

                            Funny you should say that.. I'm going off the pill in December... gonna start working on that other kid finally!
                            Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... just sing, sing a song.sigpic

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              hmmm

                              my lilone used to bite his brother about two years ago at first i would tell him no your hurtting him but it just didnt seem to matter then the other one started biting back this just seemed to get worse so i just bit both of them lol not hard just enough to show them it wasn't right they still would bite eventually they stopped biting each other i guess they just grew out of it
                              i know my sisters daughter was biting kids at her school when she first started and she was constatly in trouble it was easier to just discipline instead of work with her she was afraid she was goin to get thrown out of class then her teacher started with the treats if she was good and no treat if she was bad and she stopped
                              i hope yours stops biting soon and doesnt get tossed out of day care, Her day care instructor should work with her to stop the problem not just three strikes and your out .
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