What Is So Wrong?

[snaggable_4u]

Why is it so wrong for a Native American girl to be going out with a white person? i am currently in a relationship with a white boy, and people from where i am, say and whisper how wrong it is. He has even gotten threats that he better break up with me. But the reason i go with him, is because i know i am not related to him.most of the native boys here, i know i am related to, so why is it that it is so wrong, we've been together for a year now. he is into powwows too, because i take him with us when we travel to powwows, even there people seem to give us evil looks, like it is so wrong.

[ac_miss]

There's nothing really wrong with interracial dating. You're gonna get alot of disapproving looks from native families because most of them feel that you should date only within your tribe or from another. They think that by dating outside your race, that you'll eventually get married and have kids, thus creating multi-racial babies which is something they don't really want for you. Your children would not be full-bloods and they'd lose some advantages of being full-blood.

[Kiwehnzii]

You're going to get a lot of replies to this question. It's up to you if you want to take advice.

My opinion? Take the words of the pro-Indian ladies seriously. They have a lot of wisdom. Think about what you want for your children / grand-children.

[River Spirit]

Couple of things. I know how closely related some of the Mt./So. and No. Ute are, along with the Jicarilla Apache. I'm sure it must be hard being kissing cousins with so many. And, you have justifiable concerns about marrying too close. But, believe me, you have all sorts of options available to you to meet NDN guys, So if the only reason for dating the White guy is the one you gave that's really a poor excuse for you, and for him. It isn't fair to him for him to be the 'consolation prize' because it potentially means if the right 'John Skin' comes along he'd get dumped.

No one here can really tell you what is right, that is a very personal decision. I think you need to approach it this way...after you've given your previously stated motivations a second think. The problem with dating a White guy is that once we gals start dating someone we get emotionally involved. Then we end up having sex with them. Then baby makes 3 and you have White inlaws who probably won't understand your priorities. For that matter, what does he think? Or maybe you don't socialize with him amongst your NDN friends? You need to look LONG term, DOWN the road to how things could be if you stay with him, because once you let yourself get emotionally involved it is very painful to break up. I don't know how old you are; but consider getting away from 'the clan' during the summer, or go to pow-wows and Native youth events in other locales. Get out and meet other Skins. Don't isolate yourself. And, don't be in a hurry to have a boyfriend. The guy you are dating may be an absolutely super guy but are you being fair to him, or yourself? By dating him exclusively you also shut yourself off from being available to a nice NDN guy. 1) because if you're with another guy they will figure you are unavailable; and 2) for the reason you gave--you're getting hassled by the Brothers because in their book you've rejected them. Macho BS yes, but it's hard to shake a reputation in school once you've got one. If I were you I'd just hang loose, have fun and get out and involved in other youth activities. Best of luck to you!

D

[Homalosa]

here's some unsolicited mixedblood advice......


growing up my mom warned me about not necessarily dating outside my race (since I have at least two), but about falling for someone (namely a white man) who was more interested in my culture than my personality. Some white men date non white women because they find women of color exotic and sensual. They may not be prepared for some of the real issues mixed couples face (i.e., the stares and other harrassments). So whomever you date, be sure he is into you for you and not some glorified Pocahantas fantasy.

[Pokiehonkie]

As one who has only dated white guys, there's nothing wrong with it. People are just ignorant.

I, too, am far too closely related to those in my village and tribe to date them. So far, only one interracial relationship ended VERY BADLY, not because of anything either one of us did, but because he was unable to handle the fact that if we did get married, he wouldn't be accepted among my people. So, I have to say a sarcastic "thanks" to those old-timers who cling to the "same race" ideal. I lost someone I truly loved, and I know he would've been an asset to the community and that our kids would've been GORGEOUS (i even had names picked out). Now, keep in mind that this isn't the ONLY reason he broke up with me, but it was a HUGE factor.

If we keep dating and procreating with only full bloods, then we're all going to wind up inbred!!!!

[*Kwe_Zee*]

Hi Pokiehonkie....

Poke-a-honkie? :p

I'm just PLAYING.

:rofl2:

Do what ya's wants. Why do you care so much about what other people think?

As for myself, it's always gonna be ndn luvn' in my life. I personally could not see myself with a white boy. I think I would be too embarrassed. I KNOW I would be too embarrassed, too embarrassed to take him to pow-wows, ceremonies. That's just me with my simplemindedness tho'. I love it that I can go to these places and have someone by my side that understands right off the bat without me having to give a lecture. I am just free to be me, all the while having my dark man and my beautiful ndn babies beside me.:D

I don't understand how he could put that much time and energy and love into you if he was having problems trying to get comfortable with your family. Was it THAT bad or did he just say he didnt even want to try because he just "knew"?

[Pokiehonkie]

Poke-a-honkie? :p

I'm just PLAYING.

:rofl2:

Do what ya's wants. Why do you care so much about what other people think?

As for myself, it's always gonna be ndn luvn' in my life. I personally could not see myself with a white boy. I think I would be too embarrassed. I KNOW I would be too embarrassed, too embarrassed to take him to pow-wows, ceremonies. That's just me with my simplemindedness tho'. I love it that I can go to these places and have someone by my side that understands right off the bat without me having to give a lecture. I am just free to be me, all the while having my dark man and my beautiful ndn babies beside me.:D

I don't understand how he could put that much time and energy and love into you if he was having problems trying to get comfortable with your family. Was it THAT bad or did he just say he didnt even want to try because he just "knew"?

I don't care what they think, I care how they think because they can't keep it to themselves. No manners, and they just make people uncomfortable.
I did also say that it wasn't the ONLY factor that broke up our relationship. I realize now that he did have weak character, he was the one who was uncomfortable with it, not me. I never felt I had to "act white".
We did have lots in common; his family loved me, my family thought he was great, but the general attitude just stinks. I can't blame him for not wanting to live among all that hostility. Would you? You're not even comfortable enough to try, as you say you would be embarrassed-I assume that means you are not comfortable with the interracial issue.
Anyway, I am tired of constantly being judged by my peers and my people for not wanting to be with a Native guy. How exactly am I hurting you that you feel you have the right to pronounce judgement on me??? In what way does my dating a white boy affect you?? Just because you don't like it?
(not you directly, Kwe_Zee. Those are just my questions to the world at large)

[*Kwe_Zee*]

I don't understand how caring what and how your elders think is much different. I mean, if you're going to listen to them, then do so, if you want to live your life in a certain way (which you seem to be) without caring what people think, then why let them get you down?

Most of the time when I see a native and white couple I DO think, "That's crazy. He/She don't know what he/she is missing". I just don't understand how come everyone else doesn't think a brown ndn man can be a very beautiful thing. :D People are too quick to throw every stereotypical thing at a ndn man, not realizing every ndn man isn't like that. For every drunk ndn guy, is a drunk white guy, a drunk black guy.

It's true that I'm not the fondest of most white people, I can't stand most of the friggen' white kids we grew up with in junior high and high school. Simply cannot stand their azzes. Those were the ones who had their noses up in the air from day one looking down on us ndns that had to go to school with them. But outta that whole pack there were a few cool white people. One of whom I'm still friends with to this day. But I do give people a chance, as soon as I see that attitude that those "well-to-do" kids had, then they start getting on my mean side.

But back to the topic, how many of you ndns has been rejected by another ndn because you weren't white? When I was waaaay younger, me and this guy was talking for quite a few months, even though he willingly was leading me on, the truth finally came out when he said something about not dating a native girl because they were bytches. I was thinking, "what the hell do you keep calling me for then?" LOL. He DID end up marrying a white girl too. It didnt suprise me a bit. He didn't say a thing either when I said back to him, "So your mom's a bytch? Your gramma's a *****?" :rofl2:

[CandaePrincess]

Okay I know this poor girl is going to hear alot of advice and opinions but I just can't keep my darn mouth shut on this one!!! *L* First off, I would wonder how old you are? If you're still in your teens.....don't worry about it!! I grew up in a predominately white school....there were maybe 5 natives in my graduating class....there were more before that but they dropped out. Go figure. But I NEVER dated in high school for the mere fact that at the time, the white boys were NOT going to date some native. Of course when I got older....sure they came out of the woodwork. So I think it's great your boyfriend didn't have a problem with you being native! Props to him. It doesn't matter who you date. You need to know who you're compatible with. I felt that based on my traditions and culture, I would need someone who could understand that and be accepting of that. But I myself am not talking of just pow wows. I'm talking of the other ceremonies, meetings and other stuff that comes with being native. If you think you're white boyfriend could totally accept "Native" life, then stick it out, or if you're not as into your traditions....then don't worry. Just be happy. But you have to be stronger than your critics. And really, who cares what others think? As long as you feel you're very happy with your choice and you're not staying with him just to rebel. I know it's hard to find native guys that are motivated and goal oriented, but they DO exist!!! Most of the time it just takes us women to kick em' in the arse and get them going!! *L* And there are many out there who take the lead and break every stereotype about themselves. In the end, do what you want....just don't do it b/c you feel you have something to prove. And enjoy your boyfriend now and don't worry about what people think b/c the minority groups are dying everyday. Soon we will be one big ethnic mix and as we know....we are all already related! :)

[Soul Embraced]

Hmm..if u can't see the concerns your people have for ur situation,maybe u should step back for a while and really think about it. Most people have mentioned the main ones..mixed babies,understanding culture,how you'll raise them,if hes just with u as a 'native trophy'. Now don't get me wrong,im also dating someone whos white,and i LOVE those ndn men!!! But..i happened to fall in love with someone whos the greatest,i cant imagine a better human being for me. That being said..i fully understand the concerns of my people. Especially being tsalagi,we already have a bad enough rep in that department. For me im not having kids or anything of that nature,but for u it could be different. And like some people said,there are PLENTY of really great native guys out there. So if ur just dating and having fun,my suggestion is to get out on the powwow trail,meet some dudes,and have a blast.

Jase

[Kiwehnzii]

[QUOTE=Pokiehonkie]
So far, only one interracial relationship ended VERY BADLY, not because of anything either one of us did, but because he was unable to handle the fact that if we did get married, he wouldn't be accepted among my people. Very poor excuse

So, I have to say a sarcastic "thanks" to those old-timers who cling to the "same race" ideal. You're welcome

Now, keep in mind that this isn't the ONLY reason he broke up with me, but it was a HUGE factor. He'll not be the only one to use this excuse. (it has been used over & over by both men & women)

If we keep dating and procreating with only full bloods, then we're all going to wind up inbred!!!!And......... our nations will stay strong.

It appears you're mind is made up. You'll not take much advice from any of us. That's okay. You'll just have to live & learn.

[River Spirit]

here's some unsolicited mixedblood advice......


growing up my mom warned me about not necessarily dating outside my race (since I have at least two), but about falling for someone (namely a white man) who was more interested in my culture than my personality. Some white men date non white women because they find women of color exotic and sensual. They may not be prepared for some of the real issues mixed couples face (i.e., the stares and other harrassments). So whomever you date, be sure he is into you for you and not some glorified Pocahantas fantasy.

I think Homalosa voiced one of my concerns...the motivations of the non-NDN, non-Black, non-whatever partner. Are you arm candy or a person? Because that person, you, is more than just a 'pigment' but an entire culture with alot of emotional and historical baggage. And like others have said, they need to be prepared to 'take' the challenges, the mistrust, the hostility... relationships are tough enough these days without losing the support of one's family...

I can relate to this scenario from the other side. I am considered too White by many Native men. My pigment is what they judge by, not my heart, I don't really blame them for feeling that way as they are entitled to their feelings. And if they are uncomfortable with my 'Whiteness'...well...it's better we not get together. I've also been with a Native man that was interested in me because I was so White; most of his 'girlfriends' were White (not his wife, though) but when it came to taking me home to mother...no way. He never did know what to do with me; cared about me lots, but couldn't go the whole nine yards because of what he anticipated his family's reaction would be...so I got real hurt by that.

Anyway, this is about you and your family. Have your family actually met your boyfriend, do you do things as a couple with your family? If not, if you only do things outside of your family because of non-acceptance you are truly missing the benefits of a relationship because it is all about family. Take care.

[standstill]

Kiwehnzii says it all and with only four sentences!

It appears you're mind is made up. You'll not take much advice from any of us. That's okay. You'll just have to live & learn.

[AngelFeather]

Im Sorry but i AM one of THOSE Mixed babies and well I think you cannot Limit love to color. Like Com'on people we all cry bout people NOT accepting US as for what we Proudly ARE and how our culture is mis represented So what is the BIG deal who dates who .. who marries who?? Understanding is a 2 way street! If we as Native people want to be undrstood than why do we ourseleves put up barriers!! get over it most people on the North American Continent are NOT full blooded anything So if you want to Nit pik at race take a good look in your family lineage before you put up those walls.