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'New Age Crystal Waving Twinkie Twinkies' test....
I got this in an email. Thought I would share for a good laugh......
The Native American Twinkie Test
Warning: Put down your soda before proceeding!
Fasten your seatbelt! Adjust your attitude! (Author assumes no responsibility for those who snort their sodas, fall off
their chairs, or get their panties in a twist, or in any way your attitude after reading this list!)
If you spend much time around American Indians, you will discover that we have a deep dislike of 'New Age Crystal Waving Twinkie Twinkies' who shamelessly appropriate, distort, misuse and disrespect our culture.
Accordingly, if you want to get along with Indians, it is wise to avoid being a twinkie.
The following test will help you determine if you're a twinkie.
Below is a list of behavior patterns that most of us have seen and have nudged each other over. If these are offensive to anyone, skip the list, quit having a bad hair day and uncross your "i's" because we were doing what Indians everywhere have learned to do, no matter what type of circumstances
we are in, and that is to laugh with ourselves.
You might be a twinkie if...
1....you don't know what a 'twinkie' is.
2....you think 'twinkie' is a name brand of golden sponge cake.
3....you're a shaman, and all your friends are shamans too.
4....your Indian Spirit Guide only speaks English.
5....you have a plastic Indian headdress hanging from your rear view mirror.
6....you don't drive a 'rez rocket'.
7....you think apples are for eating.
8....you gave all your dogs authentic Native American names.
9....your great grandmother was a Cherokee princess.
10....your great grandfather was a Cherokee princess, too.
11....you own collector plates featuring men with rippling muscles,feathers, and prostrate maidens.
12....you've never been to a 49.
13....you've never woken up with a houseful strangers fixing themselves breakfast, eating your bacon, and calling you 'cousin'.
14....you bought the collectible Barbie (tm) 'with authentic Native costume'.
15....you named your dog, cat, or hamster for a famous Native American.
16....you think Dances with Wolves is a great movie.
17....you don't know who Leonard Peltier is.
18....you want to know where to apply to get your Indian name.
19....you desperately want to date a Native American person.
20....you've been studying Native American spirituality for three months and are now ready to lead a sweat.
21....you send greeting cards with images of Noble Red Men on them.
22....you have 'Native American scent' air freshener in your car.
23....you have never stood next to a dancer after five hours of powwow in
the hot sun and therefore think 'Native American scent' is something you want to have in your car.
24....you don't know what a CDIB card is, and wouldn't qualify for one even if you did.
25....you wonder why that abalone shell has holes in the bottom.
26....you want to get a cool Native American tattoo.
27....you had your brother-in-law airbrush a big eagle on the tailgate of your pickup truck and you're not a Harley fan.
28....you refer to a drum as a 'tom tom'.
29....you think 'heya heyaya' is the Indian word for 'God', because it's in all the songs.
30....you bought the soundtrack to Disney's Pocahontas and sing along.
31....your mother gave you a t shirt with a picture of a scantily clad woman petting a wolf for your birthday.
32....you mistook an Italian man for a Sioux chief.
33....you signed a petition protesting the slaughter of buffalo while dropping your trash on the ground.
34....you had a dream in which you discovered your 'true name' is 'Spirit of the Red Wolf Who Runs with Crystals'.
35....you're only interested in the 'good parts' of Native spirituality.
36....your bumper sticker has a quote from Chief Seattle instead of AIM.
37....you bought 'genuine Indian moccasins' made in a factory in Minnesota.
38....when you meet a real Indian, you hold your hand out like a stop sign and say, "How!"
39....you made a construction paper headdress and put on a play at school and you're more than twelve years old.
40....you can remember that Indian guy who cried in the ecology commercial, but you don't know his name.
41....when you meet a man with a mohawk, you assume he must be a punk rocker.
42....you have a mohawk--and you're female.
43....you have no idea if the headband you're wearing is intended for men or women.
44....you didn't notice your 'Indian jewelry' was stamped 'made in Thailand'.
45....you own many Indian art objects, but you have never been to a powwow.
46....you think militant Indians are a disgrace to the red race, but you just adore Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse.
47....you interrupt an elder to tell them they're wrong because a book you read said so.
48....you're a man, but you don't have footprints on your back from your woman walking all over you.
49....you were an Indian princess in a former life.
50....you were a medicine man in a former life.
51....you want people to call you 'Chief', even though you are not the leader of a fire department, police department, or a tribe.
52....you made up your own tribe.
53....you are the great, great, great, great, grandson of Tecumseh, putting the number of his offspring at 24,473--more than the entire population of the Shawnee tribe today.
54....you didn't know that Tecumseh was Shawnee.
55....you're the grandson of Tecumseh--you can remember sitting on his knee.
56....you built a sweat lodge from instructions you found on the Web.
57....you chose to leave the city and live on a mountain in a cabin with no running water.
58....you get annoyed if people are late.
59....your fur coats are all store bought.
60....you have no idea why Native people laugh hysterically when they see you on the street.
61....you call a shinny stick a 'LaCrosse stick'.
62....you admire Chief Joseph for what he said, but you're not sure what he did.
63....you call the Sioux people 'Lakota'--even the Dakota and Nakota.
64....you think all Native Americans spend their days communing with Mother Nature.
65....you willingly pay $300 for an authentic sweat with a plastic shaman.
66....you believe that 'freedom of expression' gives you the right to poke your nose into matters that don't concern you.
67....you ask a question, then argue with the answer.
68....last year you were into Buddhism, the year before that you were a witch, and the year before that you were a member of Green Peace.
69....you had a sudden impulse to drive non-stop across America to the Black Hills--and you don't even know anyone out there.
70....you think the Black Hills are the only sacred site in America.
71....you wear plastic chokers to honor Native Americans.
72....you love Native American jewelry, but make it more attractive by adding your own personal touch.
73....you've never used an outhouse.
74....you've never eaten 'slow elk'--you're sure you'd remember if you had!
75....when served 'Indian steak,' you complain, "Hey, this is bologna!"
The Native American Twinkie Test
Warning: Put down your soda before proceeding!
Fasten your seatbelt! Adjust your attitude! (Author assumes no responsibility for those who snort their sodas, fall off
their chairs, or get their panties in a twist, or in any way your attitude after reading this list!)
If you spend much time around American Indians, you will discover that we have a deep dislike of 'New Age Crystal Waving Twinkie Twinkies' who shamelessly appropriate, distort, misuse and disrespect our culture.
Accordingly, if you want to get along with Indians, it is wise to avoid being a twinkie.
The following test will help you determine if you're a twinkie.
Below is a list of behavior patterns that most of us have seen and have nudged each other over. If these are offensive to anyone, skip the list, quit having a bad hair day and uncross your "i's" because we were doing what Indians everywhere have learned to do, no matter what type of circumstances
we are in, and that is to laugh with ourselves.
You might be a twinkie if...
1....you don't know what a 'twinkie' is.
2....you think 'twinkie' is a name brand of golden sponge cake.
3....you're a shaman, and all your friends are shamans too.
4....your Indian Spirit Guide only speaks English.
5....you have a plastic Indian headdress hanging from your rear view mirror.
6....you don't drive a 'rez rocket'.
7....you think apples are for eating.
8....you gave all your dogs authentic Native American names.
9....your great grandmother was a Cherokee princess.
10....your great grandfather was a Cherokee princess, too.
11....you own collector plates featuring men with rippling muscles,feathers, and prostrate maidens.
12....you've never been to a 49.
13....you've never woken up with a houseful strangers fixing themselves breakfast, eating your bacon, and calling you 'cousin'.
14....you bought the collectible Barbie (tm) 'with authentic Native costume'.
15....you named your dog, cat, or hamster for a famous Native American.
16....you think Dances with Wolves is a great movie.
17....you don't know who Leonard Peltier is.
18....you want to know where to apply to get your Indian name.
19....you desperately want to date a Native American person.
20....you've been studying Native American spirituality for three months and are now ready to lead a sweat.
21....you send greeting cards with images of Noble Red Men on them.
22....you have 'Native American scent' air freshener in your car.
23....you have never stood next to a dancer after five hours of powwow in
the hot sun and therefore think 'Native American scent' is something you want to have in your car.
24....you don't know what a CDIB card is, and wouldn't qualify for one even if you did.
25....you wonder why that abalone shell has holes in the bottom.
26....you want to get a cool Native American tattoo.
27....you had your brother-in-law airbrush a big eagle on the tailgate of your pickup truck and you're not a Harley fan.
28....you refer to a drum as a 'tom tom'.
29....you think 'heya heyaya' is the Indian word for 'God', because it's in all the songs.
30....you bought the soundtrack to Disney's Pocahontas and sing along.
31....your mother gave you a t shirt with a picture of a scantily clad woman petting a wolf for your birthday.
32....you mistook an Italian man for a Sioux chief.
33....you signed a petition protesting the slaughter of buffalo while dropping your trash on the ground.
34....you had a dream in which you discovered your 'true name' is 'Spirit of the Red Wolf Who Runs with Crystals'.
35....you're only interested in the 'good parts' of Native spirituality.
36....your bumper sticker has a quote from Chief Seattle instead of AIM.
37....you bought 'genuine Indian moccasins' made in a factory in Minnesota.
38....when you meet a real Indian, you hold your hand out like a stop sign and say, "How!"
39....you made a construction paper headdress and put on a play at school and you're more than twelve years old.
40....you can remember that Indian guy who cried in the ecology commercial, but you don't know his name.
41....when you meet a man with a mohawk, you assume he must be a punk rocker.
42....you have a mohawk--and you're female.
43....you have no idea if the headband you're wearing is intended for men or women.
44....you didn't notice your 'Indian jewelry' was stamped 'made in Thailand'.
45....you own many Indian art objects, but you have never been to a powwow.
46....you think militant Indians are a disgrace to the red race, but you just adore Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse.
47....you interrupt an elder to tell them they're wrong because a book you read said so.
48....you're a man, but you don't have footprints on your back from your woman walking all over you.
49....you were an Indian princess in a former life.
50....you were a medicine man in a former life.
51....you want people to call you 'Chief', even though you are not the leader of a fire department, police department, or a tribe.
52....you made up your own tribe.
53....you are the great, great, great, great, grandson of Tecumseh, putting the number of his offspring at 24,473--more than the entire population of the Shawnee tribe today.
54....you didn't know that Tecumseh was Shawnee.
55....you're the grandson of Tecumseh--you can remember sitting on his knee.
56....you built a sweat lodge from instructions you found on the Web.
57....you chose to leave the city and live on a mountain in a cabin with no running water.
58....you get annoyed if people are late.
59....your fur coats are all store bought.
60....you have no idea why Native people laugh hysterically when they see you on the street.
61....you call a shinny stick a 'LaCrosse stick'.
62....you admire Chief Joseph for what he said, but you're not sure what he did.
63....you call the Sioux people 'Lakota'--even the Dakota and Nakota.
64....you think all Native Americans spend their days communing with Mother Nature.
65....you willingly pay $300 for an authentic sweat with a plastic shaman.
66....you believe that 'freedom of expression' gives you the right to poke your nose into matters that don't concern you.
67....you ask a question, then argue with the answer.
68....last year you were into Buddhism, the year before that you were a witch, and the year before that you were a member of Green Peace.
69....you had a sudden impulse to drive non-stop across America to the Black Hills--and you don't even know anyone out there.
70....you think the Black Hills are the only sacred site in America.
71....you wear plastic chokers to honor Native Americans.
72....you love Native American jewelry, but make it more attractive by adding your own personal touch.
73....you've never used an outhouse.
74....you've never eaten 'slow elk'--you're sure you'd remember if you had!
75....when served 'Indian steak,' you complain, "Hey, this is bologna!"
especially at 13 and 87. Probably cuz it's TOO TRUE!
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