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Anyone want to share ideas on dealing with kids?

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  • Anyone want to share ideas on dealing with kids?

    I'm a foster parent and you are not allowed to spank or really punish these kids no matter what they might say or do to you. Over the years we have come up with some creative ways to get our point across with our own and with our foster children. Here are some that we have tried.
    Failing grades / or refuses to clean their room:
    Came home from school to find only their school stuff and bedding in their bedroom. The room stays that way until grades are up with NO tv, outside activities, ect.. until next report card. (works like a charm!)
    For the clean room part same as above only they don't get their stuff back until they have proved by doing double chores around the house that they know how and will keep their room clean instead of looking like a pig sty and thats insulting the pigs in 1 case we had.
    Honks horn to hurry everyone up:
    Trip is canceled! Grounded to room and school only for a week.
    Don't do homework and teacher has to call us:
    No tv, outside activites or anything else for 2 weeks to a month depending on how far behind you are.
    Burning rubber leaving the house in the car:
    Their car tires are removed until they can either afford to buy a new set themselves or they have to hand over every pay check until I have enough money set aside to replace the ones they are ruining. Also school and work only and we will check the odometer.
    Seen sneaking out of the house late at night:
    Came home to their windows locked and nailed shut. Also grounded with usual punishments.
    Miss curfew? No more dates until you prove you know how to tell time.
    Raise your voice/ curse at me and go to your room slamming the door. Door will be removed until behavior changes and apology is tendered.
    Storms out of house, gets in "their" car and leaves after fighting with parents.
    Finds carborator and battery missing from car until behavior and apology is changed and tendered.
    Lies about where they are going or who they are with:
    Will be called to check for the next 6 months with the place they told us they were and the people they are suppose to be with.
    Younger child screams I HATE YOU! Answer with I don't like you too much either. This stops them in their tracks! Your suppose to LOVE ME! Oh I love you, I just don't like you at the moment because of the way you are acting.
    Laundry ( my big pet peeve since we are on a well .) If your laundry in not in the laundry room it does not get washed. You know where the laundry goes each day and after the age of 10 I shouldn't have to be asking for it every night. If you don't get your clothes washed either wear dirty ones or go naked.
    Laundry should be sorted in appropiate baskets. You learned your colors in kindergarden if I have to resort your laundry more than twice you will find that I will wash your white clothes with a red shop rag from dads garage. (our oldest had a wardrobe of pink t-shirts and underwear 1 summer! Now his wife thanks me for teaching him some of the basics of house stuff.)
    If it is your job to feed the animals this week and you forget, plan on having their food for dinner. If you don't want them to have it you must want to eat it yourself.
    There are no "male" or "female" chores! Do the chores assigned to you on the chore chart and you will grow into a well rounded independent human being. (our girls can check the oil and fluids in cars and our boys can cook a meal.)
    IF you don't do your chores and are not ill, then guess who has yard duty by themselves next week.
    Help with the younger ones it earns brownie points with mom and dad.
    We have a desk top calender on the wall to keep track of all schedules. If it's not on the calender, don't plan on going.
    Now what suggestions and ideas can the rest of you give?
    Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers.

  • #2
    now thats what i'm talkin bout................

    these are just cool........I've got a thirteen year old (right now he's in Ontario Canada with HIS grand folks) and a four year old.................I find DUCT TAPE works well for me.............................actually, with the four year old? I TRY to see things from his point of view, no one likes to get YELLED at. I try to get my husband to do the same things I do. We're trying to get him in GOOD habits, and bring him to cultural "doings". Keeping a cool head works. WE like to laugh often and loud, over silly stuff. We TRY to get him to understand that safety comes first, we'll admit, we like to SPOIL our kids! Is it just me, or does it seem like alot of the cultural taboos (especially in the non native world, out in "public") are very strict, and not so much in the interests of the children? When it was just native americans roaming the plains, how did we deal with our kids? It was probably alot tougher, and I think today we've got to try to maintain old values, and still bring up our babies, so they'll survive in the so called "white" world..............

    Comment


    • #3
      Only one I really have concerns about is the one where you locked the doors and windows to the house. Leslie Mahaffies parents did that to her one night and Paul Bernardo kidnapped her, raped her repeatedly and then cut up the body. It was a famous case in Canada. His wife Karla is the individual who helped him select the victims.

      Comment


      • #4
        I am sorry but my kid never tried pulling any of that crap. No sneaking out, no I HATE YOU, no honking the horn, no burning tires in the driveway, always does homework, doesnt get in trouble at school. I think if you raise them with love and teach them that they need to respect you, the rest of it falls into place. Maybe I just got lucky. I tell you what though, had he pulled any of that crap, he knows his head would spin around so fast that he could see his azz. BUT I have never had to lay a hand on him. Like I said, maybe I got lucky. He is 18 now and my stepson is twenty, raised him from age 5 on. never had a prob with him either.
        90% Angel
        10% Lil Devil


        But I've been told it's the other way around!

        Comment


        • #5
          My adopted mother made these rules orginally and I had to add to them over the years. My adopted parents were houseparents at a childrens home with 20 boys in their cottage, I was the sole girl.
          As I mentioned before we have had foster children and you can not lay a hand on them, no matter what they do. If they hit you, you are only allowed to call their caseworker. Most of the kids we have gotten were taken from parents who did drugs, mother who were hookers and had the kids in the room when plying their trade, they come from that type of background and usually are way behind in school. I have to be tough to get them caught up, earn their respect and hopefully give them a decent foundation to start their adult lives on.
          Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by badmaninc
            Only one I really have concerns about is the one where you locked the doors and windows to the house. Leslie Mahaffies parents did that to her one night and Paul Bernardo kidnapped her, raped her repeatedly and then cut up the body. It was a famous case in Canada. His wife Karla is the individual who helped him select the victims.
            Believe me I was up all night watching out the window! I wouldn't risk a kids life or endanger them, but I did get my point across.
            Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers.

            Comment


            • #7
              My hat off to u for being a foster parent...thats a tough job that not many want to attempt...although there are a lot of sh!tty ones out there....i have known friends whose parents f'd them up...and then they got put into foster care then they were abused all over agian...anyhooo...for me some of the things on ur list i didnt agree with...i couldnt lock the door on my child..or foster or adopted or niece of nephew...and i let my kids keep their room any way they want...its their room thier own little world...its the only part of the house thats theirs....and besides i dont have to go in there..lol



              *Kalilsha*



              If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving u
              When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be u an me..

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ~Brown Eyed Gurl~
                My hat off to u for being a foster parent...thats a tough job that not many want to attempt...although there are a lot of sh!tty ones out there....i have known friends whose parents f'd them up...and then they got put into foster care then they were abused all over agian...anyhooo...for me some of the things on ur list i didnt agree with...i couldnt lock the door on my child..or foster or adopted or niece of nephew...and i let my kids keep their room any way they want...its their room thier own little world...its the only part of the house thats theirs....and besides i dont have to go in there..lol
                As a foster parent, not only do I have to be able to go in there, but so does the caseworker when and if she shows up for her monthly home visits.
                We foster a bit differently than most of the foster parents that we have met. We allow our kids to date, to work at "real jobs" not the cheapo Six Flags or commuity center teen counsler jobs that most foster children are given at min. wage. We take them to work until they have put aside enough money for a good used car. Which my hubby goes over with a find tooth comb before they buy it. We have them on our insurance until they are 18 and then by law have to have it in their name. We ask that they put a quater of each pay check in savings for their future so that they can buy land or a home after college which we also encourage. We do our best to make sure they are ready to face the real world.
                Many foster parents don't allow dating unless it's a group, no learners permits or liscenses, min. wage jobs if any and those must be on bus lines. No savings or bank accounts. No sex ed. classes.
                We want our kids to have bank accounts so they will learn how to handle their own money. We are willing to go through the mountian of paper work for them to be able to drive and own their own cars/trucks. We MAKE them take sex ed. and have open family discussions and private ones about it so that we can hopefully (so far so good) prevent any teen pregancies. We work on good manners, respect, behavior and responibilty for your own actions. Car repairs are done free by hubby with the understanding that they buy the parts and help with the repairs so that they can learn how to keep their car up.
                We also make sure the kids know how much DFCS pays us to keep them and let them decide on the best way to spend their 200 dollar a year clothing allowance and that is for the WHOLE YEAR! All 4 seasons! Every kid that spends any time in our house knows where the best outlets are, how to check seams to be sure the clolthing is sewn well, ect. The teens get 4 dollars a week allowance from the county and they spend or save it as they choose. Most will put a dollar of that aside to save for something special, like a yearbook from school, ect.. At Christmas we do our best to add to what DFCS sends per kid which is not much and is many times for a child years younger than the child it is sent for.
                We have had to send 2 children back this past year, 1 was pregant when she arrived at our home and was moved to job core, the other had some deep problems that we and his therapist couldn't seem to help with.
                I have been cursed, hit, pushed down stairs, had things broken in my house on purpose, had things thrown at me ect.. We have at this point decided that this is going to be our last foster child. Our own child is going into 10th grade and it's time we got out of taking care of everyone elses. To be honest, we're tired.
                Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers.

                Comment


                • #9
                  My hat is off to you and your husband, Annie Fawn.

                  There was a thread around here on dealing with the Terrible Two's. Got kinda ugly when people didn't agree on the discipline process. To take a child who has been put through a rough life and have to go to a foster home, has to be hard on the child. It must take a lot of love, compassion and kindness to open your home to such unfortunate children. I am friends with a family in Pine Ridge who take in foster children. I have always had the utmost respect for what they are doing. Sorry to hear that you won't be taking any more children into your home, but I'm sure there are some that have passed through your door, that will always be thankful and grateful for what your family gave to them.



                  JD


                  Why must I feel like that..why must I chase the cat?


                  "When I was young man I did some dumb things and the elders would talk to me. Sometimes I listened. Time went by and as I looked around...I was the elder".

                  Mr. Rossie Freeman

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I have an idea???? NEVER, NEVER LEAVE ANY MARKERS OR SCISSORS LAYING AROUND!! even if they are washable. I've had enough of them, now I put them on the top shelves in my closet. LOL!
                    Fall down 7 times, get up 8. MY FAMOUS WORDS.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Seen sneaking out of the house late at night:
                      Came home to their windows locked and nailed shut. Also grounded with usual punishments.
                      Buzzer alarms installed is what is suggested up here in Alaska, but it's also a good shocking fright to come home to your parent/parents sitting in your room or on your bed in the dark when you come home...hehehehe

                      I like your ideas... these sound like they work best with teenagers huh?
                      Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... just sing, sing a song.sigpic

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I was raised bouncing from one home to another. Back then things were different. I got beat all the time for the most simple things, like bringing home a "C" on my paper. We were treated like "LITTLE" slaves... I'm so glad that things are so different now bcuz of the scars I carry.. I was a ward of the state from the age of 2 til I was 12... I didn't even know I had a mother until I was 8.. and didn't meet my father until I was 13...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by little wolf
                          I was raised bouncing from one home to another. Back then things were different. I got beat all the time for the most simple things, like bringing home a "C" on my paper. We were treated like "LITTLE" slaves... I'm so glad that things are so different now bcuz of the scars I carry.. I was a ward of the state from the age of 2 til I was 12... I didn't even know I had a mother until I was 8.. and didn't meet my father until I was 13...

                          HUGGS LW.... I know exactly what you speak of.. My experiences were vey similar... i was bounced... not beaten thru the whole time.. but in my earlier years yes... i know the scars that you carry.. i carry them too.... Im just greatful that I got to come home.. that there was a judge out there that understood the importance of returning to my roots. I will always be greatful to him for granting that to me.

                          ~~~ Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up. ~~~


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by little wolf
                            I was raised bouncing from one home to another. Back then things were different. I got beat all the time for the most simple things, like bringing home a "C" on my paper. We were treated like "LITTLE" slaves... I'm so glad that things are so different now bcuz of the scars I carry.. I was a ward of the state from the age of 2 til I was 12... I didn't even know I had a mother until I was 8.. and didn't meet my father until I was 13...
                            Big HUGS!
                            90% Angel
                            10% Lil Devil


                            But I've been told it's the other way around!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Joe's Dad
                              My hat is off to you and your husband, Annie Fawn.

                              There was a thread around here on dealing with the Terrible Two's. Got kinda ugly when people didn't agree on the discipline process. To take a child who has been put through a rough life and have to go to a foster home, has to be hard on the child. It must take a lot of love, compassion and kindness to open your home to such unfortunate children. I am friends with a family in Pine Ridge who take in foster children. I have always had the utmost respect for what they are doing. Sorry to hear that you won't be taking any more children into your home, but I'm sure there are some that have passed through your door, that will always be thankful and grateful for what your family gave to them.



                              JD

                              I know we did some good with some of the children, the proof is our 3 "grandchildren" who call me granny Annie. All 3 are from former foster children. Our only birth child is our 15 year old daughter.
                              We have a 20 yr. old girl living with us now who's mother kicked her out 2 years ago that we are trying to help get a good start in the real world and have also been trying to help her younger brother who is 15, but his caseworker recently told me that I can no longer visit him because he considers me more of a "mom" than his adopted mother. (he lives in a group home and spent Thanksgiving AND Christmas with us because his adopted mother refused to have him at her house.) Once we get these 2 on their feet, we won't be taking anymore unless they are relatives. All the fosters know they are welcome in our home for holidays and any time and they are a joy to see, but full time care again, and dealing with DFCS, no way.
                              DFCS, thinking nothing of lieing to foster parents, leaving off or out inportant information (like the kid has been arrested for shop lifting, is sexually active, might be pregant, ect..) not handing over important medical information (we live in the country we NEED to know if the kid is allergic to bee stings and we NEED the shot to give them if it happens.) Plus we the schools require a shot record history. DFCS is bad about not returning phone calls, not making home visits that are required by law, other things. Trying to get a caseworker to talk with you about a problem is like trying to pull a lions teeth without knocking it out first.
                              We thought long and hard before we decided that this was going to be the last and we may change our minds in 3 years when these are going to be out in the world. But I have remitoid arthritis and crohens disease and it's just getting too hard some days when DFCS is willing to do their jobs and work with you.
                              Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers.

                              Comment

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