Parenting Skills

[~pathwalker~]

Why do some people have such a hard time raising their children. Im talking about these little children that cuss and scream and hit their parents. I mean at that age they should not be out of control yet. Like on those Nanny shows.
If you have any parenting advice to share on children teens or college age kids, please share it here. I need some advice about how to get my son in college. the old plan fell thru and I dont know what to do about it now. If I cant get him in something he will have to go to a trade school and I dont want that!

[Dakota Wica'hpi Ina]

respect, love,and limits

1. be consistant. Set your boundries and do not waiver!
2. even though you may be mad at them, let them know you will always love them.
3. Respect them. They are just a smaller version of you. They learn almost everything from you. (including your additude) they will respect your in turn.
4. Talk more than you yell
5. Do not hit, it just teaches them to do the same.

[MishkomekinaakIkwe]

I think your right on the money Dakota.

BE CONSISTENT! Children thrive on stability! They want boundaries! They want to know you care! Just know the difference between punitive & restorative justice. It can work in the home also! And of course never hit your little ones! And don't be embarraseed to disipline in public. I've had to flat out put my little boy in time out in the middle of the grogery store. After hes done & we've talked about the behavior ("No throwing cans Joseph. I love you, now lets find the green beans") I've had parents come up to me & tell me what a wonderful parent I am!
Nevermind my mom calls me "The Drill Sargent Mom"
But then again, I was the one throwing tantrums, running away, drinking etc. So after I sobered up & got an education I read up on EVERYTHING. But my most helpful piece of information was asking around. I remember coming to pws.com for advice on everything!! The ladies here have been wonderful, just like a part of the family.

And there is nothing wrong with trade school if thats what he/she decides! Besides its way cheaper! After four years at a university & 20,000 in debt-yeah I'm ready for trade school-just geter done man! I could have been done two years ago with my degree and on to my masters! [email protected])(&%(*#^

[~pathwalker~]

Its not really that I am against trade schools. I went to two of them before I went back to get my degree in animal sciences. Its just that I really wanted him to have the whole "Going away to college" thing. Someone told me about something called JOB CORPS. does anyone know anything about it? I was told its like free college. they go away to school and everythings paid for and they stay there on a real campus. even meals are included. I dont know sounds too good to be true.

[Dakota Wica'hpi Ina]

minority grants?? did you talk to the counsler? Community college until he raises his grades good enough for a scholarship? just trying to help. PW- got to braggin rights thread to see something cute-

[Nezbah]

Okay....well the most agreed thing here is CONSISTANCY. But if your child is on the brink of manhood/adulthood and is trying to make his own decisions. Well i'd say just embrace it. Yes, as parents we all have dreams of what we want our children to accomplish and grow up to be. However, what our wishes are may not be the same for our children. Instead of fighting them and battling out what WE want for them, we have to embrace it and encourage them to be who THEY want to be. Believe me I have seen my share of young adults struggling to be something they are not, being what their parents want them to be. It just leads to unhappy defiant young adults doing everything they can to just be independent. However, the one's who I saw which were accepted by their parents, loved, and encouraged, are the ones who were the happiest. And those who were the happiest were the most successful. Let them grow and make their own mistakes but let them know how much you love them and proud of them. When they fall be there for them, don't say I told you so....., just encourage them to get back on that saddle and try again.

You know I do see alot of young native men who are kept at home near mommy until they are at least 30 years old. They are watched over and kept away from learning life's experiences. I just wonder how in the world are these young men suppose to grow and learn how to be a man? *S*.

As for little ones and behavioral issues, be consistant. What I do, is use the few things that mean the most for them, like TV, Computer, toys, etc and give him a 3 second warning, basically a choice. He can choose to keep crying and throwing a tantrum but I will take a privelage away or he can quit. Usually by the time I hit 2 or 3... he's stopped. I use a very stern voice and make sure he knows I mean business. Physical punishment is out of the question because I know he'll just laugh it off. He knows I love him because I tell him every day. Sometimes at night we'll have conversations just to 'check-in' , see how he's feeling, and just encourage him not to give up on anything. Soooooo thats my 2 cents worth. Oh btw, he's only 6. LOL. But a very wellrounded kid, who respects, listens, and minds his elders. And of course, I am proud of him :D

[~pathwalker~]

Some very good advice here. Thanx AC MISS for the private info and links, they have really helped. I have to have a "sit-down" with my son and discuss his plans for this school year and beyond. Its his Senior year at High School. I am very proud of him since he is the first of this family generation to graduate. His cousin (female) dropped out in tenth grade last year and now has a baby, i am trying to get her to go back to school, even offered to babysit for her. She so far has declined because she feels that she is on her path as an adult. I'll ask her when they break-up in a couple of years if being a pretend adult was the right path. It makes me so mad at my uncle for letting her do this! I know she had a baby but that shouldnt of happened at her age to begin with. Ok enuff ranting. Who has advice on teen girls that think they are grown and want to go play HOUSE with their boyfriend?

[MishkomekinaakIkwe]

Wheres Oprah when we need her?!

Whos the parent in that relationship? She should not be living with her boyfriend. I know this is hard, be carefull how you support her. Do not enable the relationship, unless it is healthy? Is he good to them both in all areas? Is she living with him soley for child support purposes (I know in some states you have to live with the father or he has to pay support). Or are they living with someones parents? Take her to get on birth control! I recomend Depo, I only recomend this because she only has to get a shot every three months and you can kinda monitor if your taking her to the apts. If you thought she'd remember to take the pill then go for it. Remember a time will come & she'll need support.
I know this is a different situation, but the concept is the same. I've had to learn not to enable negative behaviors with my ex. It is not okay to drop out of school. It is not okay to live with your boyfriend. It is important that you take care of yourself (if you don't, you can't take care of your child). Remember shes lives on hormones & just for today. She doesn't think about 5 or 10 years down the line. Ask her what she wants to be when she grows up. Have her set goals. Or introduce her to Independent Living Skills (ILS) some counties have this program. Its a program for young adults that help them mature in the area of living on their own & goals, etc.

[~pathwalker~]

Wheres Oprah when we need her?!

Whos the parent in that relationship? She should not be living with her boyfriend. I know this is hard, be carefull how you support her. Do not enable the relationship, unless it is healthy? Is he good to them both in all areas? Is she living with him soley for child support purposes (I know in some states you have to live with the father or he has to pay support). Or are they living with someones parents? Take her to get on birth control! I recomend Depo, I only recomend this because she only has to get a shot every three months and you can kinda monitor if your taking her to the apts. If you thought she'd remember to take the pill then go for it. Remember a time will come & she'll need support.
I know this is a different situation, but the concept is the same. I've had to learn not to enable negative behaviors with my ex. It is not okay to drop out of school. It is not okay to live with your boyfriend. It is important that you take care of yourself (if you don't, you can't take care of your child). Remember shes lives on hormones & just for today. She doesn't think about 5 or 10 years down the line. Ask her what she wants to be when she grows up. Have her set goals. Or introduce her to Independent Living Skills (ILS) some counties have this program. Its a program for young adults that help them mature in the area of living on their own & goals, etc.

She lives with her boyfriend and he is no good. we are not even allowed to go over there. I have to see her at her parents house or in my home when she comes up this way but since she doesnt even have a car, I mostly see her when she visits with her parents. I do not overstep my boundaries with my uncle(blood) and aunt. But when its just me and her and on the endless phone calls in which I mainly just listen and hold back on too much advice, just try to be there for her, I do try to encourage her to do things. I dont like this guy and she is in one of those co-dependant relationships, the kind I deem as abusive. He doesnt hit her though. Just the control issue which means he isnt secure enuff to be in this relationship. She doesnt see it though. I LOVE HIM> Ya, Ive been there. I just try to help her with things like going back to school. I will not babysit for her and him to go out or anything like that but if she were to even go for her GED I would give her rides and watch the baby. I dont know, you cant get thru to them when they are like that. She still thinks this is the best she can do, I know its not. How can you tell someone that you know this relationship will not last and that shes under his control when he is soooooo good at it. You cant. So I just let her know I love her and do what I can. Like I said. Ill be there for her when this all falls apart!

[Annie Fawn]

Job core

Why do some people have such a hard time raising their children. Im talking about these little children that cuss and scream and hit their parents. I mean at that age they should not be out of control yet. Like on those Nanny shows.
If you have any parenting advice to share on children teens or college age kids, please share it here. I need some advice about how to get my son in college. the old plan fell thru and I dont know what to do about it now. If I cant get him in something he will have to go to a trade school and I dont want that!

Job core trains you to do a job. The kids live in dorms and have strict schedules and rules to follow. It's just training and most job placements are in menial jobs. I had a foster daughter choose it, a year ago. She was wanting to go into nurseing and ended up as a nurses aide changeing bedpans.
Look into gov. grants, possible scholarships, ect for college.

As for your cousin her parents may not have a choice. Here in Ga. when a child reaches the age of 16 or 17 and leaves home there is NOTHING the parents can do about it. The law lets them and if they try to make them move back home by force, the parents can be charged with kidnapping. The laws are changeing more and more to let the children have more rights and say so in their lives than the parents.

[wyo_rose]

Job corps is a place for kids to get a GED or job training esp. if they don't have a high school diploma. Some are better than others, but it's like a trade school. I think there's income guidelines as well.

I suggest a community college for your son, even if it's out of state. It's better to start at a smaller college not only cuz it's cheaper, but they can get more help it seems and participate in more activities. They can also get a lot of the required classes out of the way, decide what they want to major in, then transfer to a 4 year school.

[~pathwalker~]

Job core trains you to do a job. The kids live in dorms and have strict schedules and rules to follow. It's just training and most job placements are in menial jobs. I had a foster daughter choose it, a year ago. She was wanting to go into nurseing and ended up as a nurses aide changeing bedpans.
Look into gov. grants, possible scholarships, ect for college.

As for your cousin her parents may not have a choice. Here in Ga. when a child reaches the age of 16 or 17 and leaves home there is NOTHING the parents can do about it. The law lets them and if they try to make them move back home by force, the parents can be charged with kidnapping. The laws are changeing more and more to let the children have more rights and say so in their lives than the parents.

Thanx for that Fawn, but trust me when I say it has nothing to do with the laws here. Im not saying she was raised bad, she was just raised the same way most girls down there are, with little supervision. She just turned 16 right after baby was born. I think she moved in with him while 15 and he is over 18 by 5 years, so they COULD of USED the laws in this case.

[Nezbah]

Path.....

Well unfortunately there are alot of teenage girls out that are in the same boat. And, since they chose to have the baby at such a young age, they should be treated like adults. I know they're young but if they can sit there and say I can have a baby, then they can sit there and be treated like an adult. They are having to learn so fast and grow up so fast but in the end, if you think about it, that was their decision. However, the ones that I felt who fell into some serious trouble were the ones without the love and support from their families. I am not talking about financial or babysitting support but emotional support. I know and probably you know when we first had our 1st child, we had many many questions and we were scared about raising a child. But what helped me was the fact I knew 'momma' was there. So continue being the way you are, supportive, concerned, and caring. Don't let yourself get all frustrated because she'll sense it and then she might lose her sense of 'trust' in you. I know it hurts to see the one you love struggle or in a bad relationship. But sometimes we have to 'let go' in order for them to learn and grow up to be a stronger individual/parent. Its not good to hold back all your feelings, she deserves to hear what you want to say. However, if you feel like your going to say something out of the blue that might end up hurting your relationship, take a bit of time to settle yourself down, and try to figure out a way to say it constructively. I know there are alot of teens who will fight against any critisicm...LOL. But that's just how some are, we as parents, need to find a way to express our words without criticising but using our senses to understand our childs needs. Does that make sense? Well, I know its going to be hard to do, sometimes we will just have to 'sit back' and let our wanna-be-adult-children make the mistakes. But be there for her, in the end. You might end up seeing here do a 360 degree turn as she may one day realize.... wow, my mom really does love me.

And, don't get yourself in a bundle. Your doing good. Take a 'I am a dammmm good mommy day' to yourself, treat yourself well. I think ALL women should do this once in a while. Me, I should listen to myself....LOL, as I haven't had a 'I am dammmmmm good mommy day' to myself, yet. Time is due. :P.

[farmer ned]

o