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heres a looooong dumb one...........
got this also..............
>Chester Benally was working late one night for the Navajo
>Utility Authority
>(NUA). He received a page by the Kayenta dispatcher to
>checkout an
>abandoned Peabody building Near Forest Lake. The dispatcher
>reported that
>the power indicator at the local substation showed
>unusually high power
>usage reading for an abandoned building.
>
>When he got there he found the building surrounded by a red
>glowing mist
>and odd blinking blue and green colored lights. Chester at
>first though it
>was a beer party being thrown by the Begay outfit from
>Pinon. Undaunted
>with the prospected of having to chase out a bunch of
>drunks, Chester
>pulled up to the building. Getting out of the truck he did
>not see any cars
>or trucks, or hear any loud music, which seemed peculiar to
>him. He just
>felt an odd throbbing-pulsation permeate his entire body
>that reminded him
>of startup of the number two generator at the SRP Page
>generating station.
>
>Walking in the front door. He found a bluish colored
>bilagaana looking man,
>dressed in what looked liked a silver jump suit wearing a
>shimmering white
>toga from an old Liz Taylor movie slung across one
>shoulder. The man was
>standing beside what looked like a giant silk cocoon
>surrounded by strings
>of pulsating lights and appeared to be checking readouts
>from a fancy fluke
>volt meter.
>
>Impressed by what Chester thought was decoration for a
>party or props for a
>movie, he asked the man what he was doing here.
>
>The strange looking fellow replied that he was sent here
>from the Crab
>Nebula to collect women to repopulate his planet.
>
>Chester struggling to keep a straight face asked the togae
>man if he knew
>what he was getting into?
>
>The Blueish colored man surprised at Chester question asked
>him "what seems
>to be the problem with the women in this area?"
>
>Chester replied that all they had around here were Navajo
>women and they
>may not be what you are looking for.
>
>"Oh", said the oddly dressed man, "Is there a problem with
>the Navajo women
>in this area? Our analysis indicates that the women in this
>area pro-create
>prodigiously with little or no physical side affect in very
>small cycles,
>have tremendous cardiovascular potential, exception immune
>systems and are
>very highly adaptive environmentally which is all idea for
>repopulating our
>planet."
>
>Chester taken back by the strange looking man's thorough
>biological
>analysis fired back, "That maybe true sir, but have you
>analyzed their
>personality to see if they are compatible with the
>personalities of your
>own species?"
>
>The blueish colored man replied perplexed, "No, sir we have
>not..."
>
>Chester replied, "My experience with Navajo women is that
>they can complain
>prodigiously. Argue with you until a vessel pops in your
>head. Never
>concede that you are right. Are always cold and need more
wood added to the
fire at 3:30 in the morning when the temperature is at -20
degrees
Fahrenheit. Correct your English in front of your kids or
your new boss.
Remind you in front of your friends that you only hit one
free throw at the
K-Town basketball shoot out and was kick out for un-
sportsman like
comments.
Demand that you loan money to their relatives who do not
work, don't desire
to work and will never work. And they will sell your best
tools at the Tuba
City flea market if you do not do so, loan money that is.
When they get mad they will remind you that the title of
the truck is in
their name, that they can sell your horse to one of the
Kiyanni's over by
Rough Rock. Threaten to tell all your relatives that your
oldest child may
not be yours or that they heard that your kidneys can be
sold on Ebay for
$50,000.
Or jokingly insist they can do that vasectomy with
Grandma's sheep shears"
Taken back by Chester's comments the blueish colored man
replied, "We did
not know that and that information does present possible
dilemmas." He then
added in a slight burst of optimism. "I am sure we can
overcome these
things."
Chester then asked, "Will it will be a long trip back to
the Crab star."
The blueish colored man replied. "It will take 4.1 of your
Earth's year
traveling at our highest velocity to reach the Crab Nebula."
Chester said, "Hmmm Do you intend to freeze the women for
the duration of
the trip like the movie Alien or Lost in Space?"
The odd man said. "No, we intended to begin the
reproduction process once
we leave the influence of your sun's gravitational field."
Chester smiled, "Well you may want to add another 5.6 years
to your trip
because Navajo women will want to stop every hundred light
years to find a
bathroom, stretch their legs, get fresh air or find roasted
corn or mutton.
Pregnancy made my wife crave roasted sheep intestine."
The man in the silver jump suit said, "Sheep intestines but
we are
vegetarian?"
Chester said, "That may explains the blue skin and that may
represent a
problem, but one that I am sure that you can work out. You
will need to
take a well stock cooler with water, soda, plenty of
sunflowers seeds,
dorritos or cheetos. Please remember that some of the
Navajo women chew
tobacco and you may want to save a few coke cans for
spittoons."
"Spittoons?"
"Nasty habit" Chester enjoined, "chewing, causes people to
split like
camels in that Walt Disney Aladdin movie that my youngest
girl enjoys, but
you do want something to put the spit in to keep it off the
floors and in
some cases off the ceiling when you have zero gravity or go
warp speed."
"Spit!"
Chester nodded. "You will also have to make some
arrangements to take some
of her relatives. Especially if you intended to-" Chester
coughed, "Knock
them up."
"Relatives?"
Chester answered, "Yeah my wife insisted on her sister and
mother being
around during the pregnancy. I had to live with them for
nine months
telling me that I was just lazy and no good for getting up
after 7 o'clock
in the morning. They always drank all the coffee and never
made a new pot."
Shaking his head he said. "And they never left the toilet
paper in the
outhouse."
Chester continued, "If you do that you may have to take an
uncle or
deadbeat brother in law. It either that or come back to
Earth every 3 to 6
months. You do know they will insist on being able to
visit, haul water or
hay for their mom's sheep."
"Visit!?!!"
"Yup"
The blueish colored man looked down at the device in his
hand and asked.
"Is there another place you recommend looking for women?"
Chester said, "You may want to try Las Vegas, Los Angeles
or Phoenix."
The oddly dress man said, "Thank you." He looked around at
the set up
inside the building and said distantly. "We'll be gone by
sunrise of one
your planetary days."
Chester replied, "Please take your time and don't feel the
need to rush."
The man with a toga slung across one shoulder said. "That
will be very
nice." Chester held out his hand for a handshake. The man
answered with a
"but of course Earth culture." and shook Chester's hand.
Chester promptly spun and left. Getting into his NUA
utility truck he
looked around at the red mist and blue and green colored
lights. As he
reached for the ignition, he said to himself, "Too bad they
weren't alien
women looking for men. I might have gone with them." He
turned over the
engine as the voice of his wife came clearly into his
head. "Get real, you
know that would never happened." He put the truck in
reverse and backed
away from the building, satisfied that he prevent an
interstellar disaster.
>Chester Benally was working late one night for the Navajo
>Utility Authority
>(NUA). He received a page by the Kayenta dispatcher to
>checkout an
>abandoned Peabody building Near Forest Lake. The dispatcher
>reported that
>the power indicator at the local substation showed
>unusually high power
>usage reading for an abandoned building.
>
>When he got there he found the building surrounded by a red
>glowing mist
>and odd blinking blue and green colored lights. Chester at
>first though it
>was a beer party being thrown by the Begay outfit from
>Pinon. Undaunted
>with the prospected of having to chase out a bunch of
>drunks, Chester
>pulled up to the building. Getting out of the truck he did
>not see any cars
>or trucks, or hear any loud music, which seemed peculiar to
>him. He just
>felt an odd throbbing-pulsation permeate his entire body
>that reminded him
>of startup of the number two generator at the SRP Page
>generating station.
>
>Walking in the front door. He found a bluish colored
>bilagaana looking man,
>dressed in what looked liked a silver jump suit wearing a
>shimmering white
>toga from an old Liz Taylor movie slung across one
>shoulder. The man was
>standing beside what looked like a giant silk cocoon
>surrounded by strings
>of pulsating lights and appeared to be checking readouts
>from a fancy fluke
>volt meter.
>
>Impressed by what Chester thought was decoration for a
>party or props for a
>movie, he asked the man what he was doing here.
>
>The strange looking fellow replied that he was sent here
>from the Crab
>Nebula to collect women to repopulate his planet.
>
>Chester struggling to keep a straight face asked the togae
>man if he knew
>what he was getting into?
>
>The Blueish colored man surprised at Chester question asked
>him "what seems
>to be the problem with the women in this area?"
>
>Chester replied that all they had around here were Navajo
>women and they
>may not be what you are looking for.
>
>"Oh", said the oddly dressed man, "Is there a problem with
>the Navajo women
>in this area? Our analysis indicates that the women in this
>area pro-create
>prodigiously with little or no physical side affect in very
>small cycles,
>have tremendous cardiovascular potential, exception immune
>systems and are
>very highly adaptive environmentally which is all idea for
>repopulating our
>planet."
>
>Chester taken back by the strange looking man's thorough
>biological
>analysis fired back, "That maybe true sir, but have you
>analyzed their
>personality to see if they are compatible with the
>personalities of your
>own species?"
>
>The blueish colored man replied perplexed, "No, sir we have
>not..."
>
>Chester replied, "My experience with Navajo women is that
>they can complain
>prodigiously. Argue with you until a vessel pops in your
>head. Never
>concede that you are right. Are always cold and need more
wood added to the
fire at 3:30 in the morning when the temperature is at -20
degrees
Fahrenheit. Correct your English in front of your kids or
your new boss.
Remind you in front of your friends that you only hit one
free throw at the
K-Town basketball shoot out and was kick out for un-
sportsman like
comments.
Demand that you loan money to their relatives who do not
work, don't desire
to work and will never work. And they will sell your best
tools at the Tuba
City flea market if you do not do so, loan money that is.
When they get mad they will remind you that the title of
the truck is in
their name, that they can sell your horse to one of the
Kiyanni's over by
Rough Rock. Threaten to tell all your relatives that your
oldest child may
not be yours or that they heard that your kidneys can be
sold on Ebay for
$50,000.
Or jokingly insist they can do that vasectomy with
Grandma's sheep shears"
Taken back by Chester's comments the blueish colored man
replied, "We did
not know that and that information does present possible
dilemmas." He then
added in a slight burst of optimism. "I am sure we can
overcome these
things."
Chester then asked, "Will it will be a long trip back to
the Crab star."
The blueish colored man replied. "It will take 4.1 of your
Earth's year
traveling at our highest velocity to reach the Crab Nebula."
Chester said, "Hmmm Do you intend to freeze the women for
the duration of
the trip like the movie Alien or Lost in Space?"
The odd man said. "No, we intended to begin the
reproduction process once
we leave the influence of your sun's gravitational field."
Chester smiled, "Well you may want to add another 5.6 years
to your trip
because Navajo women will want to stop every hundred light
years to find a
bathroom, stretch their legs, get fresh air or find roasted
corn or mutton.
Pregnancy made my wife crave roasted sheep intestine."
The man in the silver jump suit said, "Sheep intestines but
we are
vegetarian?"
Chester said, "That may explains the blue skin and that may
represent a
problem, but one that I am sure that you can work out. You
will need to
take a well stock cooler with water, soda, plenty of
sunflowers seeds,
dorritos or cheetos. Please remember that some of the
Navajo women chew
tobacco and you may want to save a few coke cans for
spittoons."
"Spittoons?"
"Nasty habit" Chester enjoined, "chewing, causes people to
split like
camels in that Walt Disney Aladdin movie that my youngest
girl enjoys, but
you do want something to put the spit in to keep it off the
floors and in
some cases off the ceiling when you have zero gravity or go
warp speed."
"Spit!"
Chester nodded. "You will also have to make some
arrangements to take some
of her relatives. Especially if you intended to-" Chester
coughed, "Knock
them up."
"Relatives?"
Chester answered, "Yeah my wife insisted on her sister and
mother being
around during the pregnancy. I had to live with them for
nine months
telling me that I was just lazy and no good for getting up
after 7 o'clock
in the morning. They always drank all the coffee and never
made a new pot."
Shaking his head he said. "And they never left the toilet
paper in the
outhouse."
Chester continued, "If you do that you may have to take an
uncle or
deadbeat brother in law. It either that or come back to
Earth every 3 to 6
months. You do know they will insist on being able to
visit, haul water or
hay for their mom's sheep."
"Visit!?!!"
"Yup"
The blueish colored man looked down at the device in his
hand and asked.
"Is there another place you recommend looking for women?"
Chester said, "You may want to try Las Vegas, Los Angeles
or Phoenix."
The oddly dress man said, "Thank you." He looked around at
the set up
inside the building and said distantly. "We'll be gone by
sunrise of one
your planetary days."
Chester replied, "Please take your time and don't feel the
need to rush."
The man with a toga slung across one shoulder said. "That
will be very
nice." Chester held out his hand for a handshake. The man
answered with a
"but of course Earth culture." and shook Chester's hand.
Chester promptly spun and left. Getting into his NUA
utility truck he
looked around at the red mist and blue and green colored
lights. As he
reached for the ignition, he said to himself, "Too bad they
weren't alien
women looking for men. I might have gone with them." He
turned over the
engine as the voice of his wife came clearly into his
head. "Get real, you
know that would never happened." He put the truck in
reverse and backed
away from the building, satisfied that he prevent an
interstellar disaster.
:D :uptosomet
:p
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