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Mental Health Hotline

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  • Mental Health Hotline

    Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.


    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.


    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.


    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
    If you are delusional, press 7 and we will transfer your call to the mothership.
    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
    If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
    If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
    If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
    If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
    If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
    If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk to you.
    If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
    If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
    Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... just sing, sing a song.sigpic

  • #2
    Thanks, I needed that. By the way, what do I press if I'm impotent?
    Why do they keep calling me Uk Shan?

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    • #3
      lmfao:Chatter I got that before but it was a shortened version..this one is effin FUNNY:Chatter damn..I was gonna use that on my answering machine before..but I figured that ppl wouldn't leave me any messages:p
      (¯`·._)Ït §M꣣$ £¡kë ®åíñßÕw§ (¯`·._)

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      • #4
        dang i needed a good laugh.... :lol2: that's cool

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        • #5
          so ...I should press all the bottuns?
          ~* Tha ONE and ONLY RAE RAE..dont let cheap imitations fool you*~

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          • #6
            lmao

            the little voice told me to press 3,4,5,&6.
            lmao
            well one of the voices said that.;)
            who lives in a pineapple under the sea? man i wish it was me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by blingblingjinglediva
              so ...I should press all the bottuns?
              :Yell YES!
              "Some of ya biggest haters are really ya biggest admirers. Their pride and fear won't allow them to tell ya the truth!" Litefoot

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              • #8
                Originally posted by blingblingjinglediva
                so ...I should press all the bottuns?
                Unless you're blonde, in which case don't press any buttons. :D

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by David Schneider
                  Thanks, I needed that. By the way, what do I press if I'm impotent?
                  Ayeee!! You would admit that? LOL how bout pressing 8?
                  Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... just sing, sing a song.sigpic

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by David Schneider
                    Thanks, I needed that. By the way, what do I press if I'm impotent?


                    :D Try pressing 69. That may help.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      *jazzy spraying vanillacoke all over her monitor*


                      BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!:rofl2:
                      America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
                      Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

                      "MAKE THE MOST OF THE HEMP SEED, SOW IT EVERYWHERE"--GEORGE WASHINGTON

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