From the cast iron to the fire!

[sue-ze]

I, unfortunatley have made a Big, Very Big, mistake in my life and do not know how to go about getting out of it. I would really appreciate some words of advise or suggestions, if you have any to give me.

My younger brother tried to warn me, (him telling me that I was jumping from the cast iron right into the fire), but myself, being stubborn and bull headed, and two years older than he, thought I knew what was best for my children and myself, more than he did...... Three years ago I went through and bad divorce with my childrens father. He was (and still is) a real jerk! He was acting like he was single and going out with other women, until he left me for one of them. We had been married for 14 years and I was very heartbroken, as were my children. Luckily I had a good job, found a house for my children and self to move into, cause I could not afford to stay in the one my husband left me with, we moved and all was okay, except I was so lonely, not being used to being on my own.
Then it happened, this dude I used to know, from a long time ago, found out I was single again and started calling and emailing me, telling me that he loved me and that he wanted a life with me. Finally talking me into moving back to Idaho to marry him. I was currently living in Vancouver, USA, so it was a big move. My family was in uprising, my brother was so angry with me, but could not talk me out of going.
Now here I am, stuck with the worst man I could ever possibly imagine, this man is disguesting! He smokes 3 packs of cigs a day, and consumes a 12 pak or more of beer EVERY night. He is mean to my children and myself. He calls us derrogatory names and talks to us like we are dogs. On top of all this he has no personal manners, just gross!
Of course at first he hid these wonderful qualities so well, or I definately would not be here with him. But now I am faced with not knowing what to do. I have no job, I have no car, I have no where to go. My family will help me to a certain extent, but keep saying "I told you so!" Which I am sick of hearing, cause they were'nt in my shoes when I did it.

Anyone have any suggestions? I would be happy to hear anything, I have learned my lesson in not listening to reason, your advise, suggestions, or comments would be appreciated.
Thank you, Susie :Cry

[ndn_butterfly]

Re: From the cast iron to the fire!

Originally posted by sue-ze
But now I am faced with not knowing what to do. I have no job, I have no car, I have no where to go. My family will help me to a certain extent, but keep saying "I told you so!" Which I am sick of hearing, cause they were'nt in my shoes when I did it.

Anyone have any suggestions? I would be happy to hear anything, I have learned my lesson in not listening to reason, your advise, suggestions, or comments would be appreciated.
Thank you, Susie :Cry

First of all, don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. If the man doesn't treat you and your children right, then you DO NOT need to be with him. I understand the scenario of not having a car, or job. You did say your family would help you to a certain extent, what extent would that be? Talk to them and see if they can help you get out of the situation
2) You say you're sick of them saying "I told you so"..well if they did tell you, then they have every right to be saying it. There is/was no need to make rash decisions just because a man promises you this and that. You're a woman, you are strong, and you can make it. Get out of there, and whichever way is available, take it out.

[cetanwea]

Sue-ze

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in such a painful position with someone you thought was going to be better for you and your kids. Please remember that you are not alone! And you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Also, don't forget that you made the difficult decision to leave once before...you CAN do it again if you need to!!! With or without help from your family (monetary or emotional) you have inside you the strength to move on and better your life as well as your children's lives.

The only "advice" I can give you is to not dwell on what you percieve as your mistakes. Make a commitment to MOVE ON today! And put all your energies into making that happen. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and your children from the abusiveness of this relationship. And please remember that even if this man does not physically hit you or your children his treatment of you and them is abuse.

If you think he is worth it...and you think he would do it...you might try getting into marriage counseling in your area. If you don't think this is possible, then contact your local abuse hotlines or women's shelters for assistance and advice on how to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. Only you know him and what might be possible in this situation. This man has a problem, but it is only YOUR problem as long as you allow him to put it on you and your children. If counseling won't work, then after you get out for good commit yourself to understanding what draws you to men with abusive behaviors. We all have relationsip patterns and understanding yours will help you in the future to trust your own judgement and not get caught up in the sicknesses of other people. You owe this to yoruself as well as your kids...to be in a happy, loving, empowering home (with or without a man's presence).

You don't say where in Idaho you are located, but this website has lots of good information. And you can also do a google search to see what else you might find in your local area to help you.

http://www.shesgothelp.com/shelters/shelters/ida.html

I wish you much luck and please do whatever you have to to keep yourself and your children safe.

[ojibwaysweetie]

I did that once. I jumped out of that fire real fast and now I have the most precious man any woman could ask for. Hang in there girl - there are good ndn men out there. Give yourself some time! :D

[sue-ze]

Ndn Butterfly & Cetanwea, I thank you both for your advise and replys. I do not feel bad about my family telling me "I told you so", it's just that I already know that. I love them dearly. My parents have an older car that they say I can use, which is great, and maybe I won't have to for very long!

I know more than anything I need to get my children out of here, no matter what, none of this is their fault, and I feel so bad for putting them in this situation.

In answer to your question Cetanwea, I live in Council, Idaho Very pretty here, I hate to leave here, I have been here most of my life, except for the 4 years in Vancouver, now I will have to be city bound to find a job to support my kids. No jobs here to speak of. I am a 911 dispatcher, and have 16 years under my belt, so I am not without job training, and I know that I can do well when I am outahere!

The reason I cannot work here for the local law is that the azz I am talking about is the county sheriff. That is why I knew him and trusted him, I worked for him in the past. I just did not know him on a personal basis. I am now kicking myself all over the place for it.

Why do people have to be so plastic? They don't care how many people they hurt, or how bad they hurt.

[sue-ze]

Ojibwaysweetie,
I know there out there my father and brother are proof, I just gotta find one! Thank you for your encouragement

[Pony]

Sounds just like you maried my ex-husband...His third wife does not yet know that the guy you just described is him to a tee.
She would never listen to me since he has her brainwashed but maybe I can help you..by saying:
I hope you get out of this relationship asap because it does NOT get better. Save yourself..run like heck and don't look back!YOU ARE WORTH SOO MUCH MORE THAN THIS..AS ARE YOUR KIDS!!!

[ojibwaysweetie]

Originally posted by sue-ze
Ojibwaysweetie,
I know there out there my father and brother are proof, I just gotta find one! Thank you for your encouragement

;)

[sue-ze]

Thank you Pony, I plan on doing just that.

[David Schneider]

Wow, are you in trouble! I hesitate to advise and believe you know what to do. All I can do is send prayers and strong vibes your way. Having kids to care for in a situation like this can be really complicated. Think long term and work your way back to the present. You will do the right thing.

Good luck.

[sue-ze]

Thank you David,
Your prayers, strong vibes and encouragement are very much appreciated.
Susie

[peekaboo]

Get you and your kids out of that place.
Get a job and find resources to help you out. This really gets my balls in fists when I read shyt like this.

[J_Stone]

Greetings
I was browsing this forum and saw your post. I was just wondering how things worked out for you. I hope that it goes well. Advice is one thing not to be received unless you trust the person giving it.