Missunderstandings

[Spiritflight]

An example...

You say - tree -

and someone else understands - water -

So now, without ever asking if it was - water - you're talking about or something else, you get blamed for talking about water in the wrong way... hum...

But you weren't talking about water, you were talking about a tree.

Any suggestion how to escape the blame without having to justify yourself and having to take responsibility for the mind patterns of other people?
Do people ever think about something may just be a missunderstanding b4 they attack?

[RestlessN8iv]

An example...

You say - tree -

and someone else understands - water -

So now, without ever asking if it was - water - you're talking about or something else, you get blamed for talking about water in the wrong way... hum...

But you weren't talking about water, you were talking about a tree.

Any suggestion how to escape the blame without having to justify yourself and having to take responsibility for the mind patterns of other people?

Extend arm, raise middle finger.

Seriously people hear what they want to, period.

[docat]

Extend arm, raise middle finger.

Seriously people hear what they want to, period.

To Spiritflight: People say things on the keyboard that they would never say or do in person. If you ever wanted to tell someone to "shove it," and really you can't, you can always find someone on line that you can designate to receive the same message.

I'm thinking this behavior makes the person doing it feel better in some small way. They have a lack of empathy for others, so it doesn't bother them...after all, these are only keys on a keyboard. And for the person who is on the receiving end, it can sometimes hurt IF they take it personally. You just can't do that. Your first reaction should be to laugh it off.

I remember that these writers are often just like children. When I was teaching, no one would do what RestlessN8 said to do. At least not to my face. In fact, no one I know would do such a thing.

In person, our social expectations are to respect one another and to be kind and helpful. But in the writer's world, anonymous people are filled with anger and resentment from their everyday lives and they want to play out frustrations somewhere. So they bring it here.

I'm not justifying it at all. I'm just saying that they are sad little writers who think they are SOMEBODY by being disrespectful online. So just laugh at such things. They are like little immature babies in diapers who think they do something great by using the potty chair...it's the same as when they think they've proved something by raising a virtual middle finger.

[RestlessN8iv]

To Spiritflight: People say things on the keyboard that they would never say or do in person. If you ever wanted to tell someone to "shove it," and really you can't, you can always find someone on line that you can designate to receive the same message.

I'm thinking this behavior makes the person doing it feel better in some small way. They have a lack of empathy for others, so it doesn't bother them...after all, these are only keys on a keyboard. And for the person who is on the receiving end, it can sometimes hurt IF they take it personally. You just can't do that. Your first reaction should be to laugh it off.

I remember that these writers are often just like children. When I was teaching, no one would do what RestlessN8 said to do. At least not to my face. In fact, no one I know would do such a thing.

In person, our social expectations are to respect one another and to be kind and helpful. But in the writer's world, anonymous people are filled with anger and resentment from their everyday lives and they want to play out frustrations somewhere. So they bring it here.

I'm not justifying it at all. I'm just saying that they are sad little writers who think they are SOMEBODY by being disrespectful online. So just laugh at such things. They are like little immature babies in diapers who think they do something great by using the potty chair...it's the same as when they think they've proved something by raising a virtual middle finger.

I was not raising a virtual middle finger. I was advising the original poster to raise a middle finger when people try to twist your words around. Needless to say (or so I thought) this advise was facetious.

But you illustrate my point perfectly. People hear what they want to. The fact that there has already been a misunderstanding in a thread meant to discuss how to avoid a misunderstanding speaks for itself in a way.

The only actual advise I can give to the original poster is try not to take such things personally, use small words when addressing stupid people, and never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

[docat]

I was not raising a virtual middle finger. I was advising the original poster to raise a middle finger when people try to twist your words around. Needless to say (or so I thought) this advise was facetious.

But you illustrate my point perfectly. People hear what they want to. The fact that there has already been a misunderstanding in a thread meant to discuss how to avoid a misunderstanding speaks for itself in a way.

The only actual advise I can give to the original poster is try not to take such things personally, use small words when addressing stupid people, and never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

No no, I understood you perfectly, young man. You were advising HER to raise a middle finger, and I don't advise her to do something that she wouldn't do in person and join in the fray. What does it profit?

I think it is better to laugh about it and go on. Why play their game? She's better than that. There are enough dirty diapers in the sand box.

[muskrat_skull]

... There are enough dirty diapers in the sand box.

Ewww, nice analogy... I mean, what do they put in Gerber anyway?!!!

[redneckmutt]

I deal with this on a weekly basis. I'm blunt and people assume I am either kidding or really mean. I'm just honest. I try to be kind and that just ends up sounding sarcastic. I need to learn either not to care or to talk in a softer manner.

[Fang]

I deal with this on a weekly basis. I'm blunt and people assume I am either kidding or really mean. I'm just honest. I try to be kind and that just ends up sounding sarcastic. I need to learn either not to care or to talk in a softer manner.

That used to happen to me fairly often when speaking in person due to having a direct, straight forward approach during discussions, paired with a sightly sharp tone of voice. For business and social purposes, I had to learn to change my tone of voice in order to get a message across. That, along with taking into account the other person's own personality or frame of mind (when speaking in person to a known individual) as comes into play for effective communication.


One thing I've noticed over the internet (and this includes myself in this as well), is that sometimes we talk and talk and talk in order to try to make sure that we are clear. We let out all these details of ourselves, our situations, etc. in an original messages that are often unnecessary and end up clouding a reader's mind even more so than before. So I have a theory; ask a simple, thought out but open ended question. or make a statement. Just get right to the point. Then let others ask for more information on the topic to better understand where you're coming from. It let's the original poster know who gets it and who doesn't, opens the topic up for conversational opportunities without narrowing the subject, and keeps more of the emotion out of it for the time being until personal insults are actually being flung.

For instance, let's say I wanted to know about some random artifact/symbol/technique that I happened to come across while going through family storage. Instead of typing up a long-winded message to the general public and giving the backstory of my family, how I came across this certain thing, and what I think it might mean.... I should instead, ask a simple question like "has anyone ever heard of or seen [insert whatever it is here]?" This leads others to give their own personal idea, possible solutions, questions, etc.


As I type out a long explanation... blarg

[muskrat_skull]

I deal with this on a weekly basis. I'm blunt and people assume I am either kidding or really mean. I'm just honest. I try to be kind and that just ends up sounding sarcastic. I need to learn either not to care or to talk in a softer manner.

Tossing in a joke helps, and around here, there are lots of people that possess a pretty good sense of humor. There's some pretty high end silliness.

[Spiritflight]

Extend arm, raise middle finger.

Seriously people hear what they want to, period.

ooopppsss.... that might be one solution, perhaps the 'easiest'? Not my way really, as that again would cause conflicts. Thanks for reply.

[Spiritflight]

To docat:
In person, our social expectations are to respect one another and to be kind and helpful. But in the writer's world, anonymous people are filled with anger and resentment from their everyday lives and they want to play out frustrations somewhere. So they bring it here.

I am just quoting this part you wrote.
That's right, in the sort of anonymus writers world online, some people are sometimes letting out their worst mental behavior which is easy for them to do as they don't notice that at the other end are actually real people or they don't care anyway. Hm... you are right, those want to play out frustrations of some kind. Every action good or bad starts in the minds of people. But we know that anyway. Not taking things personal I may still have to learn to distinguish. But since I always take a person for real, no matter if I see this person in physical appearence or just reading their minds by what they write, I tend to take it personally and with all this now I was referring to a private message I had received. With this thread I was not referring to the open forum and what's been written there. Even though sometimes one could take it personally but when it's not directed at someone directly... I don't know. Some people also say things indirectly. Anyway I believe the issue I had with this person that wrote this one private message to me has been cleared now and all is good - I hope. But it inspired me to open a thread about missunderstanding. Thank you for your reply.

[Spiritflight]

I deal with this on a weekly basis. I'm blunt and people assume I am either kidding or really mean. I'm just honest. I try to be kind and that just ends up sounding sarcastic. I need to learn either not to care or to talk in a softer manner.

Ha! I know what you mean. Being honest is the best way. Honesty can be painful at times but still better than to hide behind lies. Maybe it's the wrappping honesty is being brought across. I think saying something to another person when you know it may hurts will imply to tune the words one is choosing. I don't know if the word 'imply' is the right english word for what I said in that sentence..., ah I am too lazy to look up the english-german translation - sometimes I still do look up some words. And again, I guess I am a talker. Thanks for your reply.

[Spiritflight]

Tossing in a joke helps, and around here, there are lots of people that possess a pretty good sense of humor. There's some pretty high end silliness.

That's good - as long as you are a person who's familiar with the art of joking - taking out the harshness of something. Now, not everybody is skilled in applying some kind of humor or understands the humor behind what's being said. Are there any humor giving, taking, percieving classes anywhere? j/k

[Zeke]

But in the writer's world, anonymous people are filled with anger and resentment from their everyday lives and they want to play out frustrations somewhere. So they bring it here.

Which is why I use my real name, real photo and real location.

It's difficult to accuse someone of being "that guy" if you don't seek anonymity.

Adds credibility, even if someone disagrees with your opinion.

[Spiritflight]

That used to happen to me fairly often when speaking in person due to having a direct, straight forward approach during discussions, paired with a sightly sharp tone of voice. For business and social purposes, I had to learn to change my tone of voice in order to get a message across. That, along with taking into account the other person's own personality or frame of mind (when speaking in person to a known individual) as comes into play for effective communication.


One thing I've noticed over the internet (and this includes myself in this as well), is that sometimes we talk and talk and talk in order to try to make sure that we are clear. We let out all these details of ourselves, our situations, etc. in an original messages that are often unnecessary and end up clouding a reader's mind even more so than before. So I have a theory; ask a simple, thought out but open ended question. or make a statement. Just get right to the point. Then let others ask for more information on the topic to better understand where you're coming from. It let's the original poster know who gets it and who doesn't, opens the topic up for conversational opportunities without narrowing the subject, and keeps more of the emotion out of it for the time being until personal insults are actually being flung.

For instance, let's say I wanted to know about some random artifact/symbol/technique that I happened to come across while going through family storage. Instead of typing up a long-winded message to the general public and giving the backstory of my family, how I came across this certain thing, and what I think it might mean.... I should instead, ask a simple question like "has anyone ever heard of or seen [insert whatever it is here]?" This leads others to give their own personal idea, possible solutions, questions, etc.


As I type out a long explanation... blarg

Asking or saying something in a short simple way should be understood by most people and even then, it's up to the other person what they hear being said or their own pictures in the mind, even with the most simple thing.

It can be some friendly remark toward another person and you just wanted to be nice and/or make a compliment. But this person does not take it as is - it may thinks you are just saying it because you want something from them. - that means you brought something simple and clear across but they make a difficult thing out of it. Oh well...

Thank you for your interest in this thread.