Single mummas?

[MishkomekinaakIkwe]

How did you do it? I don't know how you mummas did it by yourselfs! Being a mum is hard right now. My lil boy was born Nov 24 as some of you know and have been following along with my pregnancy and afterwards....

Last Wednesday, I saw my lil boy was sick and took him into the ER cuz he had a temp and wasn't eatin right and had puked up on me. I ended up going back to the ER later that night cuz his temp got higer and he still wasn't eatin. My baby got transfered to another hospital to the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit). After blood cultures and analysis.. he was diagnosed with RSV and Jaundice. We spent 4 days in the hospital.

These were the worst days of my entire life. Watching my lil boy through a glass in an encubator, hold'n him while he screamed in my ears while they picked at him, not being able to touch him with my bare hands, wearing gowns, masks, gloves...

And where the hell was dad? He came after i called him. He stayed for a few hours and went home. He came up the next day with his mum and sister... and that was it! 3 hours out of 4 days! I kept gettin kicked out of the room cuz i would fall asleep in there next to him. They wanted a parent in there at all times and i couldn't stay awake the whole time. I've been in dangerous territory for losing my milk for lack of nutrients and stress..

How did you mums do it? All I can say is thank you mummas for the hard work you do for us! You do everything you can for you lil ones and don't expect nuthin in return. And why do we continue to take care the baby's father? Why do we keep them informed and up to date? If feels like its my responsibility to keep him up to date with his son's condition. I know he loves his son, but work was more important? Going home for big drum was more important than his son being in the Intensice care unit!??? I just dont' get it.. maybe i'm blabbering on and on.. but i gotta get it out before I box his ears!

Baby and I are home now. I quit my work and school to be at home. I know we will be okay, but damn being a mumma is hard work!

[Tibiki Kinew]

I hate to be the one knocking at your door, but did you not see his attitude before???? This can't be new with him, drop the guy a hint tell him exactly where you stand, it is time that you had a real man beside you, not a guy that takes off to the drum when his child is sick. Slam the door in his face, you don't need that kind of guy in your life, azzholes are a dime a dozen, specially the crappers that have no respect for others or even their own flesh and blood.

I wish you the best of luck and if you will listen to your heart, raise the child with lots of LOVE from your heart. Show every day that you care, it will come back to you every day, and when you least expect it, your child will surround you with the joy you have given!

My 2 cents!

[theepowwowchic49]

be strong

and hold in there new mumma.hope you baby is beter now and home with his mumma.
why not even pick up the phone. if this daddy really cared about this baby would he have even of called? If you had your family there behind you wasn't this enough?
i dont have kids but one of my homies does not pick up the phone for nothing to her kids dad. she figures if he really cared he would call to see how there daughter is once in awhile and would find out himself that she broke her arm falling from the slide but he never called and he still dont know.
but then everyone is diffrent but i am happy that your baby is ok now she has a wonderful mumma to take care of her the RIGHT way that is all that mattters.
:)

[Tibiki Kinew]

Howdy theepowwowchic49!!!!

good to see you got over the who the f??? is toby!!!!!!!!!!

[~+~Heya~+~]

Hey gurl I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Last Dec. 5th my son suffered a traumatic brain injury and had to have emergency brain surgery...leaving him in the hospital for 35 days. OUt of all those days his father was only there for 2 and left the hospital the 1st night to go out to the bar and have a few! But you know what? Creator made us ndn woman strong! Although we may struggle with some situations we will be able to handle it and get through it. Just keep your head up gurl you are Anishinabe Ikwe. We are a strong people! And as for the father...I may not be the best person to advise you on that because my son still sees his father (after 2 yrs of not & 8 mos of being sober) just remember that ppl can change...just make sure you do whatever is in the best interest of your baby.

[~+~Heya~+~]

OK let me just clarify one thing I just said.....after 8 months of HIM being sober. Not me!

[HolyElk]

Hey girl, I know somewhat of what you are going through! My daughter hasn't been injured enough to be in the hospital but I left her dad way over a year ago. He is court ordered to pay child support but now that he is working - we doesn't want to pay child support! That's true about what they say "Why is it when a baby comes around, the father splits?"

But oh well, I am handling my daughter just fine! Though I have to work my fulltime job and a parttime job, I am handling well. In the past 6 months, her dad has only came to visit her 3 times, but each stay wasn't that long either. Earlier this year, he promised to watch her for the weekend, but decided to change his mine and go drink! I figure that if he really cares about her, he could come see her. But then he states that he doesn't have a car to come see her but yet he sure has his way back and forth to work and to the bars! I wouldn't even call a father a man if he isn't man enough to help raise his child.
Even her father's side of the fam doesn't bother seeing how she is doing.

The way I see it --- My gain, their loss!
You hang in their girl and trust me, it all works out in the end - even without the father.

:)

theepowwowchic49 - if you had children, you would understand to the point but like you said you don't!

Families can't be there all the time to help out! They have their own problem's too.

[Dezgn8veDriver]

I have lots of family to help me with my son, without my brothers and Daddy, he would have grown up very differently....I'm positive of that...:p....It's hard at times, and the toughest "jobs" by far, but you can do it....:huddle:

[nativegal]

Ggirl,Girl,Girl!!!!!
Let me tell you!!!
My son is 5 1/2 now, his blood father, donor, has only spent 3 hours out of those 5 1/2 yrs!!! When Austin was 9 months, he went into the ER for severe peanut allergy, almost died, wind pipes swollen shut, throwing up, hives, gasping for breath, 1 minute later, and he would have died. "J" (this is what we'll call donor) was no where to be found.
When I found out I was pregnant, called him scared and upset, here I was 17!!! and his reaction......... "oh ok."
Austin was 2 when he had surgery for hydrocele, fluid on the testicles, and where was "J" no where.

Thank god that when Austin was about 1 I met Andy. He has been there for Austin ever since, that's all Austin knows. Andy is his father, the one who's there to comfort his boo boo's, teach him how to be a MAN!!!, keep him safe.

"J" has never been a father never could be. There are men out there who do not realize what a wonderful thing it is to see your flesh and blood look at you with awe and love before they can even speak. To have someone always there caring for you and loiving you.
They cannot picture the beauty that comes along with having a child for they themselves are still a child. Remember That!
The best thing you can do for that beautiful child is being strong. My mother raised me as a single parent-my mother/father.
I kid you not and she's probably reading this, but there were times I hated her and regreted the fact that my dad was not there. I blamed her for my every mishap. I hated that she would punish me then turn around and love me.
But you know what.... my mother was the best teacher I could ever have.
She taught me the value of things. To work for what you want. Nothing in life is free.
Mom was the the best thing for me... and you will be the best for yours.
Again be strong, and ask yourself are you better off with him in your lives, and playing games, or on your own a strong woman for yourself and your child.??
Take care chickie and know that there are people here that are supportive, we've been there!;)

[nativegal]

Let me just add...mom was there for me up until I met Andy and moved to SC with him. So she was there for me as a support system for Austin.

[TRADISHDNCR]

Not all guys are that shallow. I took care of my ex-girlfriends 3 boys (all under 11 at the time and not my kids) for over 1 year. Hang in there and stay strong, Grandfather will provide what's needed for you and your child.

[ojibwaysweetie]

Mishko! Boozhoo miinawa.
Me too, like so many have raised my daughters on my own since my baby was 3 months old. She's now 12. I could not dwell on whether the father was going to be around or not. I had duties to take care of and two babies to raise and a full time job. Nevertheless I have done it. And you know they are the best daughters anyone could ask for. They are ace students and always have been. They are good little ikwes. And that is all thanks to me................. their Mother. *pats myself on the shoulder*

I am thankful for having my parents around to help me out with them in all aspects including financial and disciplinary all them years. And they still do.

Keep up your good work with your little one, Mishko. He is the most important thing in your life. ;)

[tradish_wiyan]

Man...that brings flashbacks of what I went through with my babygirl. When she was 3 months old, she ended up in the hospital with pnmemonia, i called her "dad" and he said "If I really cared, I would be there":Yell Oh well, his loss...My Gain. its tough being a single mumma...but I have the love and support of my family, so I am very blessed in that aspect. :Angel2 Hang in there...What goes around, comes around.

[ndnkidz_5]

Girl you got to used the reverse phychology with them ndn men...tell him HE CAN NOT see the baby and you do not want his help.......ok maybe not litterally, but you got to be strong and and let him EARN the right to be in his child's life! If he can not them move on.....cuz a life with out dad is better than I life with dad and alll that negative drama! Good luck.......you can do it!

[Dancin by the bay]

A buddy of mine is a single mom; but her husband died when her son was 4 months. They both attended UCB but when he died it almost took her life too. All her family lives on the east coast and she refused to drop out so she continued her education; got her degree; and raised her son. Her son is now 5 and although she is a beautiful and intelligent woman she stayed single. She missed maybe 2 classes during her time at UCB but she did it. I would pick her and her son up from the bus a few times but I would almost beg her to get in the car because she was a very proud woman. You women; single moms and those with alot of pain are so strong so keep being strong. I can't imagine a man treating a woman or his own child with such disrespect in all your stories.:tongue11:

:D