To spank or not to spank

[One Hot Mama]

The key, whether you spank or not, is consistant discipline applied from day one. You set the boundaries, establish the consequences, and deliver the consequences when the child steps across that line. My elders used stories to teach us the difference between right and wrong, of sacrifice and discipline, and the awful consequences of wrong-doing, as well as the rewards of doing what was right no matter the cost. Those stories made impressions on us. Still, we were kids and there were times we weren't thinking or were thinking in ways contrary and disobedient to what we'd been taught. Me, I was defiant and stubborn with a contrary twist in my personality to where I challenged the rules and invited trouble. There was alot of anger fueling it that I was too young to understand or identify, and an impulsiveness too. I got into alot of trouble, and didn't really grow up until I found muself alone and pregnant at 21.

Even then, there was lot of catching up I had to do as far as growing up, and I realized what my childhood defiance and contrariness had cost, as well as what it had caused as far as where I had ended up. I mean, I didn't drink or do drugs, nor was I a skank, but I had been foolish, caused myself alot of heartache I didn't need, and had made some sorry choices.

Funny how all the stuff you rolled your eyes at when you were a kid comes flooding back to guide you when you finally realize their worth, not all at one time, but bit by bit as you are ready. Your ears quicken to the voices of the elders, your spirit seeks out the Wisdom from above, and He begins showing you, teaching you, and guiding you through the elders and those of your peers who have wisdom, through lessons learned while watching two-leggeds and four-leggeds and the other creatures, through His voice whispered into your heart, and many other ways. I read the Bible and find so much there, and each passage can bring to mind one of the stories I've heard here and there from many traditions-Lakota, Dine', Shoshone, Paiute, Cherokee, Muscogee, Homa, and so on.

There's times I've yelled at my kids, but I don't cuss at them or denigrate them with ugly names; yeah, I've threatened to beat their a**es, but that's the extent of that kind of language. I work at DHS and am faced daily with parent who can't or won't make their kids mind, who wouldn't dream of laying a hand on them but who will cuss at them, call them bad names and don't see how that's abusive behavior. So many parents are overwhelmed trying to make ends meet, have never grown up themselves or learned self-discipline, and here they are with children they don't know how to raise or deal with. What a mess.

I'm now thankful for those spankings I got, for my mom and relatives who refused to let me get away with bad behavior, for them and other "family" taking the time to teach me, for the Creator who never let go of me no matter how far I tried to run, and for my kids who made me remember why I was put here in the first place.

[*Kwe_Zee*]

Hey Kiwehnzii, what is this M.E.E.Z.E.E. syndrome all about????:Chatter

[*Kwe_Zee*]

I for one, hate being spanked.:p

On the other hand, I do gently swat my kids on the diiyosh from time to time, I don't kick their little azzes but sometimes they do stuff they shouldn't. Sometimes I feel stupid doing it tho cuz I dont know if they know what they did wrong. My 4 year old is understand things now so I'm able to explain to her why it's wrong.

On the other hand, my step-sister is so overzealous in her yelling and spanking that her kid acts exactly like her. He will yell at her and use her exact words, which go along the lines like, "Shut your mouth before I smack your azz!". He also smacks her right back. The only time I ever seen him back down is when I told him not to hit his mom. And that's only because I am a stranger to him, even tho he calls me aunty (becuz I live so far away).

[sltate]

Oh yeah.....there is another one (proverb)..Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old...he will not depart from it. Spanking works when they are smaller....I wouldn't suggest spanking a 17 year old......take away the car, ground them, no tv, no cds......there are different levels of discipline that will work. If you spank them when they are young then when they get older they know you mean business then you move to other forms. A 5 year old could care less if he can't go somewhere, no tv (face it when your 5, you can entertain yourself), no music...don't mean a whole lot. haha

[sltate]

Well, I spanked my kids when they were younger. I believe in the Proverbs that say" Spare the rod and you will spoil the child" which I have seen to be true within our families and neighbors. To spank a chilk, and I do mean spank..not beat and yell and scream and verbally abuse, but to spank a child with love and wisdom will save them and you from heartbreak later on. Have you ever seen some parents with the kids who EVIDENTLY deserve a spanking, acting out in public and the parent is trying to sweet talk this little hellion who is calling them naughty names and slapping them up...this kid knows there is not going to be any consequences to their behavior. Kids are not dumb, we weren't when we were kids. Wait until this kids gets to be a teenager and they are told not to do something because of the consequences involved and you will see these same parent crying oceans of tears because of thier child having to pay consequences for not staying within the boundaries. Some kids just need a spanking to show them boundaries. Now, if you have a kid that does no wrong and can take a verbal warning and follow it, then you are blessed. But I have 4 kids and all have received a spanking, and all of them know to weigh the consequences against the action before making a move. By spanking your kids, that does not mean you don't love them...it means you go love them. If it says it in the Bible, then it is an age old question.....Spare not the rod, lest you spoil the child and send thier soul to hell. I have practiced it and it works.

[Kiwehnzii]

Originally posted by dwnsouthndn
I remember a few spankings when I was a child and I do have to admit that I deserved them. My mother controlled us by voice level,"the look", grabbing the chin and talking directly into our face to make sure we understood, and few other traditional ways! When we got into mischief she give us "the look" and if we didn't straighten up then we got yelled at (which to us seem like a spanken). A spank only came as a last resort! I don't have any kids but I do discipline my sister's kids and I (sister too) use these methods cause that is what I'm use to. I think my sister and I turned out alright!

There are stories that can be told that remind children of the consequences of their actions. But,...Sometimes children do act out in a way that could be harmful to them. That's when there has to be some kind of action taken.

What dwnsouthndnposted is mostly what every parent agreed with in a traditional child-rearing workshop that I attended at an elders conference.

Exactly what my personal elders taught also.

[TurtleWoman]

I would much rather see a child get a simple spanking than verbal abuse...which leads to the kids having mental issues.

When we were in school, it was rare to see a student disrespect a teacher, hit a teacher, or do any "big" thing out of line. Kids knew if they did they'd get a spanking (at school too), but certainly if I caused trouble in school, I got in worse trouble when I came home.

So, you have to wonder if the lack of consistant discipline today, is the reason for all the misbehavior in kids...I think so. Everybody wants to pass blame, and the government steps in and everything gets worse...have to take authority over your household, if it means a spanking (as long as it's not a beating), it should be your right.

[nykari]

DANG! Excuse me! I am outtie!

[dwnsouthndn]

I remember a few spankings when I was a child and I do have to admit that I deserved them. My mother controlled us by voice level,"the look", grabbing the chin and talking directly into our face to make sure we understood, and few other traditional ways! When we got into mischief she give us "the look" and if we didn't straighten up then we got yelled at (which to us seem like a spanken). A spank only came as a last resort! I don't have any kids but I do discipline my sister's kids and I (sister too) use these methods cause that is what I'm use to. I think my sister and I turned out alright!

[Singing Eagle]

Originally posted by Kiwehnzii
Well this sounds like pretty new stuff. I guess my Mom & Dad and grandparents and great-grandparents raised us wrong. Did we all have O.D.D.?
I'd like to know if we (those not raised after 1985-90) who are not familiar with all these Alphabet terms, did everything wrong.
Some people have stuff like A.D.H.D. , DDT, THC, M.E.E.Z.E.E., and all these other technical terms.
There are still people north of 60 who cannot speak English. How do you interpret these letters to them into their language. Would they be arrested for giving their kid a swat on their behind because they didn't know their kid had N.U.T.S.?
People raised their kids in a way that they were taught. Are they wrong?
Many of you kids use all these alphabet terms and even got em behind their names. Sorry, but I'm just Kiwehnzii. Not Kiwehnzii L.L.B.,PHD. A.S.S. so I don't know dick about raising kids. I'll have to go to a few workshops on contemporary child rearing techniques.

Ki - sounds like you know what you're talking about to me!

[Kiwehnzii]

Originally posted by nykari

Take O.D.D. (Opositional Defiant Disorder).

Well this sounds like pretty new stuff. I guess my Mom & Dad and grandparents and great-grandparents raised us wrong. Did we all have O.D.D.?
I'd like to know if we (those not raised after 1985-90) who are not familiar with all these Alphabet terms, did everything wrong.
Some people have stuff like A.D.H.D. , DDT, THC, M.E.E.Z.E.E., and all these other technical terms.
There are still people north of 60 who cannot speak English. How do you interpret these letters to them into their language. Would they be arrested for giving their kid a swat on their behind because they didn't know their kid had N.U.T.S.?
People raised their kids in a way that they were taught. Are they wrong?
Many of you kids use all these alphabet terms and even got em behind their names. Sorry, but I'm just Kiwehnzii. Not Kiwehnzii L.L.B.,PHD. A.S.S. so I don't know dick about raising kids. I'll have to go to a few workshops on contemporary child rearing techniques.

[nykari]

Personally it depends on the child and situation. Children react differently to various disciplines.

Take O.D.D. (Opositional Defiant Disorder). Spanking would make them think that hitting in general is okay and they can become worse off.

I try other methods of dicipline before I have to resort to spanking. Even that has rules in my house.

[katezninen]

not to spank..i got spanked as a child...that mess hurts...ouch!

[BurBz]

Well... all i can say here is if spanking works for you... great.. we all have our own ways of disciplining our kids. I don't ever remember my parents spanking me lol.. to be honest.. i don't think they ever did spank my self or my brother or sister. We turned out fine too :D yes i do remember myself and my siblings having our moments but its like we had priveleges taken away.. and overall we basically knew that our parents were our parents and we had to listen to them.

But i do remember when I became a mother for the first time...my family is really really TIGHT.. i mean very very close. And my uncles talk to my siblings and I like they are our father, maybe because our father passed away when we were kids.. but what was told to me was to praise my kids, love them unconditionally nurture them and to never spank them and they will listen... tell them... "shi awee, shi yazhi.. " they need to be raised with lots of love, i'm not saying you parents that have chosen to spank your kids don't love them, but for some cultures, its more about love and what kind of love you have for your kids. I guess thats why I don't spank my kids and I probably ever won't. And noo my son does not walk all over me either.. nor does he do that to his father or anyone else.. he is only 4 years old.. and we have a long way ahead of us.. but I know we are doing something right if he is listening lol...

[One Hot Mama]

Growing up in the rural South in a farming family, yeah, we all got our ooks or legs spanked, with a willow or peach switch being the preferred delivery item. I usually got more than my brother because I liked to push the envelop so to speak, but the discipline in our family was consistant: verbal warning first, spanking second. For those of us who didn't get the message, there were the occasional whoopings. Anytime we screwed up, the spanking was accompanied by loss of priviledges-no tv, phone, going anywhere, and as we got older, whippings were replaced by having to do some really hard or disgusting chore, like cleaning out the chicken house or the hog pen, scrubbing the seats in the outhouse(try doing that on a hot summer day), or chopping a rick of wood into kindling.

All 4 of my kids were spanked up until about age 10. I always told them why they were getting spanked, and made sure they understood why what they did or said was unacceptable behavior. Usually the anticipation of getting spanked was worse than the actual whipping. None of them are running wild, in jail or doing drugs or alcohol, they are respectful of themselves and others, and have a great deal of self-control. They are polite to others, especially their elders, and know how to behave regardless of the social situation.

What I can't stand are parents yelling and cussing at their kids, calling them names or denigrating them. That's as much abuse as hitting them with a fist-it may not leave marks on their bodies but it crushes their spirits and wounds their minds and hearts to depths that may never heal.