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Something to read
My daughter sent these to me so thought i would share them you may have read them already but someone hasn't :rofl2:A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to
thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the
very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both
had jobs they found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules. It
was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his
wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband
checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer so he decided to
send his wife an E-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left
out one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his
error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The
departed was a minister of many years who had been called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages
from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! ~Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here
:devil
JOB WANTED;)
MOM - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this
way, none of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be
willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and
frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated,
at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must
be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include
floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training
offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When
you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and this wish you
could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for life if you play your cards right.
:lol2: :24: :lol2: do you have any to share :)
thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the
very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both
had jobs they found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules. It
was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his
wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband
checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer so he decided to
send his wife an E-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left
out one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his
error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The
departed was a minister of many years who had been called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages
from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! ~Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here
:devil
JOB WANTED;)
MOM - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this
way, none of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be
willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and
frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated,
at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must
be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include
floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training
offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When
you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and this wish you
could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for life if you play your cards right.
:lol2: :24: :lol2: do you have any to share :)
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