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  • Something to read

    My daughter sent these to me so thought i would share them you may have read them already but someone hasn't :rofl2:A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to
    thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the
    very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both
    had jobs they found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules. It
    was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his
    wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband
    checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer so he decided to
    send his wife an E-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left
    out one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his

    In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The
    departed was a minister of many years who had been called home to glory
    following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages
    from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted.
    The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
    saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife

    Subject: I've Arrived
    I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
    you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and
    have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
    arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! ~Hope your journey is
    as uneventful as mine was.

    P.S. Sure is hot down here

    MOM - Job Description

    This is hysterical. If it had been presented this
    way, none of us would have done it!!!!

    Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy

    Long term, team players needed, for challenging
    permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
    excellent communication and organizational skills and be
    willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and
    frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
    including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
    endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
    Extensive courier duties also required.

    The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated,
    at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite
    tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
    be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
    time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must
    be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
    gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
    Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
    multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
    social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
    willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
    Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
    plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
    best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
    accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include
    floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

    Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
    without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
    so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

    None required unfortunately. On-the-job training
    offered on a continually exhausting basis.

    Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
    bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
    assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When
    you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
    reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and this wish you
    could only do more.

    While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
    reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
    job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
    for life if you play your cards right.

    :lol2: :24: :lol2: do you have any to share :)


  • #2
    Only in drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
    > the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
    > can buy cigarettes at the front.
    > Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large
    > fries, and a diet coke.
    > Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain
    > the pens to the counters.
    > Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
    > the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
    > Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
    > in packages of eight.
    > Only in we use the word 'politics' to describe the
    > process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
    > 'bloodsucking creatures'.
    > Only in they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
    > lettering.
    > EVER WONDER ....
    > Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
    > Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
    > Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
    > Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
    > Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
    > Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
    > liquid made with real lemons?
    > Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
    > Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
    > Why is it that you drive on a Parkway and park on a Driveway?
    > Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
    > Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
    > Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
    > You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
    > don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
    > What makes Teflon stick to frying pans?
    > Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
    > Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
    > If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
    > If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
    > ------------------
    > Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
    > stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
    > (maybe even a chuckle) other words, send it to everyone. We all
    > need to smile every once in a while
    :) :p



    • #3
      No cheating.
      Pick your favorite dessert from the list below, then look to see what
      psychiatrists think about you!
      After taking this dessert personality test, send this e-mail onto
      others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject
      box above.
      If you were making a dessert and you had your choice of those below
      (or some great bakery was baking the dessert of your choice), which
      would you choose?

      Angel food
      Lemon Meringue
      Vanilla with Chocolate Icing
      Strawberry Short Cake Chocolate on Chocolate
      Ice Cream
      Carrot Cake
      Cherry Pie

      NO ... You can't change your mind once you scroll down!
      So think carefully, what your choice will be!
      OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says

      Angel food .. Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy
      items. A
      little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end
      the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times

      Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of
      underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out
      saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and
      direction. You tend to be very loyal.

      Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are
      excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to
      and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have

      Vanilla with Chocolate Icing . Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very
      grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys
      being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be
      in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

      Strawberry Short Cake . Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other
      people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be
      overly emotional.WHAT THE HECK THAT IS ME ;)

      Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive.
      creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold
      but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not
      settle for
      anything average in life. Love to laugh.

      Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football,
      or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy
      watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You
      tend to
      be self-centered and high maintenance.

      Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh.
      are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very
      hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal

      Cherry Pie... You have a sparkling personality, with a wicked sense of
      humor. You have an honorable idea of right and wrong and seek justice
      all. Your love of art and technology give you many hours of pleasure.
      don't make friends easily, but your true friends are many.

      God works in mysterious ways, doesn't He?

      Isn't it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone.

      The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away! He asked her why she hadn't answered before,! and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

      The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night.

      The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.

      The man said, "That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.

      You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"

      The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!

      If you believe that God answers prayers then pass this on. God bless!


      Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

      Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

      BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

      When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.




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