Be Careful What You Wish For

[docat]

Your wish is granted. You wake up tomorrow morning and your old car is gone and a BRAND NEW sports car is in its place, with a BOW on top. You find the key in the mail box and rush outside in your nightgown and bunny slippers and jump into the car to take it for a test drive. You crank the car and it purrs like a kitten, it has that wonderful new car smell too and a kick butt stereo.

Man, I thought no one had spotted those bunny slippers.

OK, you are able to drink gallons of coffee...and the reason you can do it without getting jittery is that you are drinking decaf. The reason you aren't sleepy is that it makes you have to pee every 15 minutes. Thus, you make sure you are wide awake!

I wish I could go on a cruise from Florida around South America all the way to Seattle.

[RestlessN8iv]

A new stove is yours! A brand new 1800s reproduction woodburning stove! And it is installed inside your new walk-in freezer!

I wish I knew 7 different languages.

Man, I thought no one had spotted those bunny slippers.

OK, you are able to drink gallons of coffee...and the reason you can do it without getting jittery is that you are drinking decaf. The reason you aren't sleepy is that it makes you have to pee every 15 minutes. Thus, you make sure you are wide awake!

I wish I could go on a cruise from Florida around South America all the way to Seattle.

Good news: your wish is granted
Bad news: it's a Carnival Cruise


I wish I could see in the dark

[docat]

Good news: your wish is granted
Bad news: it's a Carnival Cruise

:

I wish I could see in the dark

YOU GET YOUR WISH!!!! Now you can see in the dark! You decide this is going to be a huge help to you in hunting, and so you go out late at night to check this new skill out. You found that you had better distance vision when you are at a higher elevation, so you get up in a tree, and BEHOLD! All the animals hidden in the forest are suddenly visible to you in the dark.

While you are contemplating all the hunting opportunities in front of you, you decide to climb higher. Just as the owl gets better night vision with the moon at his back, you get into position, and in doing so, you see two of your buddies walking through the woods. You decide how much fun it would be to scare them.

You climb down and walk through the woods and because you can see in the dark, you don't step on any twigs to give away your position. You get closer and closer to your buddies. Then you decide to listen in on the conversation...and find out they are talking ABOUT YOU!!!

This is too juicy to miss, so you get closer and closer. They are talking about how you were a good hunter and a good friend...like you were a good buddy and fun times...and you think they are pranking you, talking like you were dead...and that they saw you, so you say something and what comes out of your mouth is a scream.

Your buddies turn around and see your glowing night vision eyes and RUN...one says, "It's a panther!" And you start laughing because they are really freaking out.

So you go on and follow one of them (they had split up in running) and when you get closer, you find one of them telling another guy to get his gun, there's a panther out there. You decide, well if they were going to shoot, you had better let them know it is just you, not a panther.

Then as you got closer to your buddy and the other guy, you see a gun trained at your head...all of the sudden....everything goes dark.

Then you wake up and you look all around you and you see in all directions. It's weird, but you start contemplating all your hunting opportunities with this new nearly 360 degree vision. All of the sudden, you realize you are breathing water. Oh now this is going to make fishing so easy. Just go in the water and stay there like a reverse deer stand, underwater waiting, and all of the sudden you realize you are a FISH. In fact, you look around and bump into a barrier...and you realize, you are not only a fish but a fish in a tank.

All of the sudden, a huge darkness envelops you. You look up and it is a big fish. In no time, you are snapped up by said fish and it's dark again.

Then you wake up, and realize you are in a world of giants. You see people and animals, but they are huge. You find that you are very tiny, and you contemplate the hunting opportunities in that...and so you see a giant deer. And you climb up onto the deer and find a cozy place and bite it and start sucking its blood...since you are now a tick.

While you are literally the size of a tick to pop, you think about hopping off this ride and you fall gently to the ground. Too fat to move, the deer turns and steps on you...

It gets dark...

---------

I wish I had a shotgun that never missed its target.

[RestlessN8iv]

:



YOU GET YOUR WISH!!!! Now you can see in the dark! You decide this is going to be a huge help to you in hunting, and so you go out late at night to check this new skill out. You found that you had better distance vision when you are at a higher elevation, so you get up in a tree, and BEHOLD! All the animals hidden in the forest are suddenly visible to you in the dark.

While you are contemplating all the hunting opportunities in front of you, you decide to climb higher. Just as the owl gets better night vision with the moon at his back, you get into position, and in doing so, you see two of your buddies walking through the woods. You decide how much fun it would be to scare them.

You climb down and walk through the woods and because you can see in the dark, you don't step on any twigs to give away your position. You get closer and closer to your buddies. Then you decide to listen in on the conversation...and find out they are talking ABOUT YOU!!!

This is too juicy to miss, so you get closer and closer. They are talking about how you were a good hunter and a good friend...like you were a good buddy and fun times...and you think they are pranking you, talking like you were dead...and that they saw you, so you say something and what comes out of your mouth is a scream.

Your buddies turn around and see your glowing night vision eyes and RUN...one says, "It's a panther!" And you start laughing because they are really freaking out.

So you go on and follow one of them (they had split up in running) and when you get closer, you find one of them telling another guy to get his gun, there's a panther out there. You decide, well if they were going to shoot, you had better let them know it is just you, not a panther.

Then as you got closer to your buddy and the other guy, you see a gun trained at your head...all of the sudden....everything goes dark.

Then you wake up and you look all around you and you see in all directions. It's weird, but you start contemplating all your hunting opportunities with this new nearly 360 degree vision. All of the sudden, you realize you are breathing water. Oh now this is going to make fishing so easy. Just go in the water and stay there like a reverse deer stand, underwater waiting, and all of the sudden you realize you are a FISH. In fact, you look around and bump into a barrier...and you realize, you are not only a fish but a fish in a tank.

All of the sudden, a huge darkness envelops you. You look up and it is a big fish. In no time, you are snapped up by said fish and it's dark again.

Then you wake up, and realize you are in a world of giants. You see people and animals, but they are huge. You find that you are very tiny, and you contemplate the hunting opportunities in that...and so you see a giant deer. And you climb up onto the deer and find a cozy place and bite it and start sucking its blood...since you are now a tick.

While you are literally the size of a tick to pop, you think about hopping off this ride and you fall gently to the ground. Too fat to move, the deer turns and steps on you...

It gets dark...

---------

I wish I had a shotgun that never missed its target.

Granted. You purchase the firearm, but find that the ammo for that particular weapon has been discontinued, and only a few shells remain in existence. All of them owned by private collectors, none of whom are willing to sell. You decide to try and rob one, unfortunately, the person you try to steal the ammo from has a shotgun that never misses its target.

I wish spring would get here already!

[docat]

Granted. You purchase the firearm, but find that the ammo for that particular weapon has been discontinued, and only a few shells remain in existence. All of them owned by private collectors, none of whom are willing to sell. You decide to try and rob one, unfortunately, the person you try to steal the ammo from has a shotgun that never misses its target.

I wish spring would get here already!

(That's good!)

SPRING IS HERE!!!! But it is in FLORIDA, not where you are! Strawberries are almost all gone in fact. You should have said something...I am sending you our spring.*

*expect 4-6 weeks for delivery.

I wish I had a touch screen laptop. Those things look so cool.

[muskrat_skull]

You know how to knit, you do NOT know how to cast off or pearl. you are stuck constructing the same towel-like pattern out of yarn with no way to taper off or complete the project. (this is actually my situation. I'm better at spinning.)

Another drawback, you join the forums @ Ravelry.com, and become addicted. (I keed I keed)



I wish I could get a book published.

Your wish is granted. You sit down one day, and the words just spill out of you. You become so obsessed with writing this story, you are taking your laptop everywhere and working on it constantly. To be like other aspiring authors, you settle in at your favorite coffee house to put in some hours. while you are up getting a coffee, an identity thief installs a secret program on your laptop and remotely steals everything off your laptop.

He sees the document you were working on and begins reading it. He becomes so enthralled, he is sure the story is worth something, especially since everything else is worthless. He emails a copy to his uncle, a literary agent and instantly receives a reply stating the book is going to be published, there will be a contract, an agent, a book tour, movie deals, the works.

So the book will be published, only not under your name.

I wish that good handsome men grew on trees.

[RestlessN8iv]

I wish I had a touch screen laptop. Those things look so cool.

your touch screen laptop arrives via mail. You notice that it runs on a very peculiar OS... The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

.

I wish that good handsome men grew on trees.

They do, they're gay.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

[docat]

They do, they're gay.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

Well, you get your wish, but it took you some effort!

At first you were putting lifts in your shoes, but that just wasn't the same thing. So you went to the river to fish. When you got there, it was noisy, and running fast. You thought you heard the water noise matrix into the sound of someone saying, "Step into the water and come forth a GIANT."

The fishing is crappy, so you go down the river a ways where it is calm and you think you hear water sounds say, "Step into the river, and you can grow taller."

So thinking this may be the Great Spirit speaking to you, you peel off your clothes and get into the water...which by the way is pretty cold. So you walk around in the water at chest height and the current is slowly making you walk down stream. You want to swim, but the current is keeping your legs under you. It gets deeper and deeper so the water is at chin height.

Then when you get so deep that you bob up and down to get air. The current still won't let you swim. As this is going on, when you are above the water you hear multitudes of sounds in the water that sound like a crowd of people saying, "TALLER, TALLER."

This encourages you and so you go on and on, walking downstream. You are deep in concentration and you are feeling taller. You are keeping your head above water and your body walks along. While this goes on, you feel your back getting straighter and your shoulders going back...and your head well above the water.

At a calm place in the stream, you come out of the water, and you are a GIANT. You are much taller than you were before. But all of the sudden, you realize your CLOTHES are much further upstream! And you would have to walk a long ways naked.

So you decide to walk upstream in the water and fight the current...I mean, this river is partially visible from a road. But all the time you were going back, you heard the river matrix voices say, "NO! Wrong Way."

At a bend in the road, there it was...a carload of your girlfriend's female RELATIVES. And one of them notices you in the river and shouts to you because they are at the side of the road and they have a flat tire. They want your help!

But you say to them that you can't come that you need to walk a ways because you have a trap in there and you will come back for them. You didn't want them to know you were naked.

All the way you hear "Wrong WAY" in the sounds of the river...and on the other side of the river, you can see the edge where a golf course had encroached on the bank of the river. Sitting on the bank was a beautiful NDN girl. She was sobbing, and you see her from the middle of the river and call out to her, asking if everything was OK.

The young woman said she needed your help. She said she lost her dog and had been looking everywhere. You didn't care that you were naked, you were going to come out of there and help that poor thing...except that while you were a giant, not everything became giant. The water was REALLY COLD and you didn't want her to laugh at you...so then, you tell her, just stay there, I'll be back to help you.

So you go down further in the river and you see on the side of the river, a HUGE BUCK. Loaded with points. You have the crossbow in the back of your vehicle. So you hurry back to the place you threw your clothes. All of the time, you do not hear the river telling you to "go back down the river" and "don't go upstream.

You get your clothes on, and you notice you are no longer a giant. You get your crossbow out of your vehicle for a consolation prize to get the buck, and when you get there, the buck is gone. Down further along the river where the NDN girl wept, she was nowhere in sight, and thinking this might be a sign that your future IN-LAWS would not still be there at the side of the road is shattered when they are there...HOT, MAD and READY TO KILL you for taking so long.

So you change the tire for them, and they get on the road. They are too tired and angry to thank you...so as they drive away, you realize you had put the crossbow on the roof and it hits the ground, breaking it.

So you walk back along the road with the shattered remains of your crossbow, but as you went along, you felt taller. You had been walking straight in the water and you had thrown your shoulders back. Just straightening out didn't make you a giant, but it did make you a little bit taller.

You resolve that the next time the river tells you to do something or not to do something, you will listen. And you also resolve not to go back for something like clothing which would be too small for you anyway.


I wish I could re-live being age 21 again.

[muskrat_skull]

I wish I could re-live being age 21 again.

You get your wish, but disco is outdated, so you are completely dorky by today's standards.

I wish I was a Greek goddess being fed grapes by a handsome Hercules...

[Joe's Dad]

You get your wish, but disco is outdated, so you are completely dorky by today's standards.

I wish I was a Greek goddess being fed grapes by a handsome Hercules...

You get your wish...Medusa. Not only do you get one Hurcules...you get two Herculi!!!

I wish I was handsome.

[muskrat_skull]

You get your wish...Medusa. Not only do you get one Hurcules...you get two Herculi!!!

I wish I was handsome.

Poof, you become incredibly handsome, so handsome in fact that tv and movie producers want you to be in their productions. Modeling agencies pester you constantly about modelling contracts. The money they offer is so good that you decide to take them up on it.

So you start appearing in all these things and people are so mesmerized by your handsomeness that you get a huge facebook following and fan clubs full of obsessed people. Men want to be you, women want to be with you.

In fact, you are such a gift to humanity due to your handsomeness that a lowly secretary in your agent's office can't bear to keep your address and phone number to herself. She leaks it to a few fans and before you know it, you have mobs of people storming your house, calling your phone. And everyone connected with you is harrassed, including your doctors, dry cleaners, everyone.

You cannot even hide in your own home. So you get fed up and start picking them off one by one, gun by gun. The cops and eventuallly the national guard are all called out and they finally apprehend you, and the judge, jealous of your good looks, sentences your handsome self to life in prison, and even there your good looks can't go unnoticed! You end up wishing so bad that you were ugly!

I wish I had a private jet and money to fly around the world.

[docat]

I wish I had a private jet and money to fly around the world.

YOU GET YOUR WISH!!! You get a private jet and money to fly around the world!!

Unfortunately, your private jet is hired out to fly Glenn Beck and his entourage around to his many engagements and YOU get to fly him! He pays well, so you have money to fly around, but YOU HAVE TO GO WHERE HE WANTS TO GO...so you spend time in a lot of airports, but you never get to leave the plane.

So you go to Salt Lake for a weekend (you sleep in your chair on the plane). Then you get to go to a small airport of a struggling town in Indiana. Then you get to take him on his ski vacation in Aspen. Then you get to fly to Israel (you have to wait on the plane). Then you have to go to Houston. Oh, and his wife wants to go to CT to get a pedi from her old manicurist.

Oops, the kids want to go to Disney. Hop on down to FL and I'll have to run to the airport to visit with you, because you have to stay with the plane.

You are Beck's favorite pilot. He's giving you autographed copies of his new book. They might be worth something someday.

[muskrat_skull]

YOU GET YOUR WISH!!! You get a private jet and money to fly around the world!!

Unfortunately, your private jet is hired out to fly Glenn Beck and his entourage around to his many engagements and YOU get to fly him! He pays well, so you have money to fly around, but YOU HAVE TO GO WHERE HE WANTS TO GO...so you spend time in a lot of airports, but you never get to leave the plane.

So you go to Salt Lake for a weekend (you sleep in your chair on the plane). Then you get to go to a small airport of a struggling town in Indiana. Then you get to take him on his ski vacation in Aspen. Then you get to fly to Israel (you have to wait on the plane). Then you have to go to Houston. Oh, and his wife wants to go to CT to get a pedi from her old manicurist.

Oops, the kids want to go to Disney. Hop on down to FL and I'll have to run to the airport to visit with you, because you have to stay with the plane.

You are Beck's favorite pilot. He's giving you autographed copies of his new book. They might be worth something someday.

I think I'd a gone bonkers by then. How could you? Not even a little enjoyment before you rip the rug out from under me?

You forgot to wish! You are tired.
Well, I will fulfill your non-wish. Glenn Beck becomes in love with you. He sees you at the airport visiting me and falls madly in love at first sight. You just keep staring at him as he stares at you and then leaves his family and starts coming across the terminal toward you with an intense look in his eyes. His wife and children are staring at him, mouths agape, wondering what daddy is doing. He comes up to you, grabs you, takes you in his arms and kisses you passionately.

Your glasses get bent in the process. A group of white haired old ladies stare at you jealously and call you a hussy under their breathes, though they are stone deaf and say it pretty loud and over and over again because the others can't understand.

Meanwhile Glenn looks you up and down and, with love in his crazy eyes, grabs you again and goes for seconds.

At this point, his wife and kids have come over to where you are. The kids tug at daddy's suit jacket, whining saying daddy stop it, and come on daddy. And his wife takes her huge 50000 dollar purse/bag and slams you in the head with it.

Glenn is outraged. You are having little birdies going tweet tweet as you sit dazed on the dirty terminal carpet tiles, legs splayed, runs in your stockings and hair a mess. Your head is throbbing. Glenn is screaming in the terminal that YOU are the love of his life and that he's leaving his wife and kids for you and they should just leave, go home without him.

He gets so emotional he trips over you and falls and lays on the floor and cries like a little girl. You throw up on him because of this display. He doesn't care. He still loves you. So you get up and try to run, he follows you full of puke.

You run and realize that the only place you have to go is to grab a cab, since the wife took the jet. So you jump in but Glen jumps in after you. You spend the next year trying to get rid of him.
And, secretly, you haven't.

I wish you would wish for both of us.

[docat]

OH my, that about turned my stomach...

I DID forget my wish. And I WAS incredibly tired!

OK, my wish for both Muskrat Skull and me is that with her English skills and my (ahem) genius that we produce the next great how to book on Red Neck etiquette.

[lbgood]

Ok, my wish for both Muskrat Skull and me is that with her English skills and my (ahem) genius that we produce the next great how to book on Red Neck etiquette.

You get your wish on publishing you'allz book
Titled: Red Neck Etiquette
Authors: Mama Cat and Honey Skrat

Your book has been your best seller to date and you hold weekly book signings every week for the past month and its popularity as well as yours grows each week.

You have sold a total of 25 books all together which is the most you have ever sold, and you had an opportunity to meet the buyers at your weekly garage sales and sign their the books at that time.
Your most famous tip in the book - making toothlessness a positive, it was a hit among the Mountain Men who are the buyers, they said they enjoyed the how to pictures the most

I have been watching the NCAA Basketball Tournament on TV, I wish I could watch all the games in person (court side).