Be Careful What You Wish For

[Zeke]

Tribes get the 100% full sovereignty they've pressed for over decades then realize the only reason they've survived as political entities is because of government support.

[muskrat_skull]

I really think someone else needs to answer this because we are wishers. But I will put this one out there and you can't blame me for being biased...Hey, this was a good tactic!

Alright, so you and I go on to write the great book on redneck etiquette, but we had to do alot of research to come up with this. This left both of us barefoot and with child by our cousins, who are also our uncles and grandpas.

In addition, both of us are still cleaning all the possums and squirrels we got as wedding presents, and some of them look a little worse for the wear. But roadkill is always an appropriate wedding present.

In addition, we are set to go on our honeymoons to the drainage pool behind the car factory (the water is so clear there!) and we need to take the maternity size thongs off our redneck dream catchers, which means the dreams are gonna get away!

You are bummed because the thong you are bias weaving with the rebel flag on it isn't ready for you to show off, especially with your big belly. Its for grandma anyway. She didn't get her new teeth so this will make up for it.

Also, I am busy trying to bake hoe cakes for the principal of the home school because they told my son that he one ammo belt without a gun doesn't constitute a shirt. And there's been a shortage of available hoes lately because grandpa got viagra.

Oh, you punched my teeth out for being jealous I was crowned "Kween of da Mudhole", for being too high and mighty about it, and I punched your teeth out for whining too much about it. It would have been worse but we both went into labor in the mudhole and popped out a litter a piece, none of them look alike, which is good cuz we can tell em apart. The neighbors are gonna help us feed em since they never wean their kids.

Our real families no longer recognize us. But the people of Holler Holler decided to make us part of the community because we have "connixshuns" and can help them get their coon hound "Dawg" on Millionaire because he is a freaking genius after he got hit by lightning! He can howl Dixie non-stop!

I wish I was the craft-matic, and could do any craft, including beading and leather and woodworking and stone and bone and all perfectly!

Bumped for [MENTION=101915]docat[/MENTION] she has to have something to say about this!

[docat]

I wish everyone on powwows got a million dollars!

EVERYone on powwows gets a MILLION dollars!!! Amazing but [MENTION=2]Paul G[/MENTION] came into some money, and he decided to give it all to us because we have made his site so popular.

So he went and gave everyone at least a million and we get ten bux extra for every point we have. From that announcement, powwow's new server crashed and the few that figured out how to pick up our "gift" found a little letter from the gov't as they have found a good way to TAX that money...in reality, we only get about a dollar and change.

But everyone thought about how nice Paul G was as it is the thought that counts. So everyone pooled together all those dollars and change and had a statue of Paul G made which will stand next to the statue of Crazy Horse...albeit a lot smaller than Crazy Horse...but of course it is the thought that counts.

I wish that [MENTION=9312]lbgood[/MENTION] would get to play basketball IN the NCAA tournament.

[muskrat_skull]

You get your wish on publishing you'allz book
Titled: Red Neck Etiquette
Authors: Mama Cat and Honey Skrat

Your book has been your best seller to date and you hold weekly book signings every week for the past month and its popularity as well as yours grows each week.

You have sold a total of 25 books all together which is the most you have ever sold, and you had an opportunity to meet the buyers at your weekly garage sales and sign their the books at that time.
Your most famous tip in the book - making toothlessness a positive, it was a hit among the Mountain Men who are the buyers, they said they enjoyed the how to pictures the most

I have been watching the NCAA Basketball Tournament on TV, I wish I could watch all the games in person (court side).

Yes [MENTION=101915]docat[/MENTION] was great in those "how-to" pictures! She did the redneck culture proud! It took me a long time to draw them though. I went through two boxes of chinese crayons. I couldn't stop eating them (that lead makes them soooo sweet!).

You get to watch all the games in person, courtside! In fact, they roll out a red carpet when you enter and the players bow down to you before they start playing. You are supplied with your choice of gourmet drinks and eats by two personal scantily clad waitresses, which also sit by you and attend to you throughout the game. You even have extra seats in the stands for your friends, just in eyeshot of you, so that they can watch jealously and you can just soak it in. Everything is perfect.

During one game the ball rebounds off the backboard and hits you hard in the face. Blood starts pouring out all over and your face looks like a giant purple grape. Your teeth are all over the floor and you look like a redneck purple pumpkin! The girls next to you scream in horror, your friends laugh. The players and coaches are on their knees, begging for your forgiveness. The emts arrive and cart you off.

You are so traumatized you cannot go to any of the games, despite the seats you have. Just watching the games on tv sends you into a stress fit. And your friends turn them in just to watch you freak out and laugh at you.

I wish everyone on powwows got a million dollars!

[lbgood]

I really think someone else needs to answer this because we are wishers. But I will put this one out there and you can't blame me for being biased...Hey, this was a good tactic!

I did post a response to this already - see above post

Oh, you punched my teeth out for being jealous I was crowned "Kween of da Mudhole", for being too high and mighty about it, and I punched your teeth out for whining too much about it. It would have been worse but we both went into labor in the mudhole and popped out a litter a piece, none of them look alike, which is good cuz we can tell em apart. The neighbors are gonna help us feed em since they never wean their kids.

Glad you added this piece about your'allz knocked out teeth because it fills in nicely with my response

[muskrat_skull]

OH my, that about turned my stomach...

I DID forget my wish. And I WAS incredibly tired!

OK, my wish for both Muskrat Skull and me is that with her English skills and my (ahem) genius that we produce the next great how to book on Red Neck etiquette.

I really think someone else needs to answer this because we are wishers. But I will put this one out there and you can't blame me for being biased...Hey, this was a good tactic!

Alright, so you and I go on to write the great book on redneck etiquette, but we had to do alot of research to come up with this. This left both of us barefoot and with child by our cousins, who are also our uncles and grandpas.

In addition, both of us are still cleaning all the possums and squirrels we got as wedding presents, and some of them look a little worse for the wear. But roadkill is always an appropriate wedding present.

In addition, we are set to go on our honeymoons to the drainage pool behind the car factory (the water is so clear there!) and we need to take the maternity size thongs off our redneck dream catchers, which means the dreams are gonna get away!

You are bummed because the thong you are bias weaving with the rebel flag on it isn't ready for you to show off, especially with your big belly. Its for grandma anyway. She didn't get her new teeth so this will make up for it.

Also, I am busy trying to bake hoe cakes for the principal of the home school because they told my son that he one ammo belt without a gun doesn't constitute a shirt. And there's been a shortage of available hoes lately because grandpa got viagra.

Oh, you punched my teeth out for being jealous I was crowned "Kween of da Mudhole", for being too high and mighty about it, and I punched your teeth out for whining too much about it. It would have been worse but we both went into labor in the mudhole and popped out a litter a piece, none of them look alike, which is good cuz we can tell em apart. The neighbors are gonna help us feed em since they never wean their kids.

Our real families no longer recognize us. But the people of Holler Holler decided to make us part of the community because we have "connixshuns" and can help them get their coon hound "Dawg" on Millionaire because he is a freaking genius after he got hit by lightning! He can howl Dixie non-stop!

I wish I was the craft-matic, and could do any craft, including beading and leather and woodworking and stone and bone and all perfectly!

[lbgood]

Ok, my wish for both Muskrat Skull and me is that with her English skills and my (ahem) genius that we produce the next great how to book on Red Neck etiquette.

You get your wish on publishing you'allz book
Titled: Red Neck Etiquette
Authors: Mama Cat and Honey Skrat

Your book has been your best seller to date and you hold weekly book signings every week for the past month and its popularity as well as yours grows each week.

You have sold a total of 25 books all together which is the most you have ever sold, and you had an opportunity to meet the buyers at your weekly garage sales and sign their the books at that time.
Your most famous tip in the book - making toothlessness a positive, it was a hit among the Mountain Men who are the buyers, they said they enjoyed the how to pictures the most

I have been watching the NCAA Basketball Tournament on TV, I wish I could watch all the games in person (court side).

[docat]

OH my, that about turned my stomach...

I DID forget my wish. And I WAS incredibly tired!

OK, my wish for both Muskrat Skull and me is that with her English skills and my (ahem) genius that we produce the next great how to book on Red Neck etiquette.

[muskrat_skull]

YOU GET YOUR WISH!!! You get a private jet and money to fly around the world!!

Unfortunately, your private jet is hired out to fly Glenn Beck and his entourage around to his many engagements and YOU get to fly him! He pays well, so you have money to fly around, but YOU HAVE TO GO WHERE HE WANTS TO GO...so you spend time in a lot of airports, but you never get to leave the plane.

So you go to Salt Lake for a weekend (you sleep in your chair on the plane). Then you get to go to a small airport of a struggling town in Indiana. Then you get to take him on his ski vacation in Aspen. Then you get to fly to Israel (you have to wait on the plane). Then you have to go to Houston. Oh, and his wife wants to go to CT to get a pedi from her old manicurist.

Oops, the kids want to go to Disney. Hop on down to FL and I'll have to run to the airport to visit with you, because you have to stay with the plane.

You are Beck's favorite pilot. He's giving you autographed copies of his new book. They might be worth something someday.

I think I'd a gone bonkers by then. How could you? Not even a little enjoyment before you rip the rug out from under me?

You forgot to wish! You are tired.
Well, I will fulfill your non-wish. Glenn Beck becomes in love with you. He sees you at the airport visiting me and falls madly in love at first sight. You just keep staring at him as he stares at you and then leaves his family and starts coming across the terminal toward you with an intense look in his eyes. His wife and children are staring at him, mouths agape, wondering what daddy is doing. He comes up to you, grabs you, takes you in his arms and kisses you passionately.

Your glasses get bent in the process. A group of white haired old ladies stare at you jealously and call you a hussy under their breathes, though they are stone deaf and say it pretty loud and over and over again because the others can't understand.

Meanwhile Glenn looks you up and down and, with love in his crazy eyes, grabs you again and goes for seconds.

At this point, his wife and kids have come over to where you are. The kids tug at daddy's suit jacket, whining saying daddy stop it, and come on daddy. And his wife takes her huge 50000 dollar purse/bag and slams you in the head with it.

Glenn is outraged. You are having little birdies going tweet tweet as you sit dazed on the dirty terminal carpet tiles, legs splayed, runs in your stockings and hair a mess. Your head is throbbing. Glenn is screaming in the terminal that YOU are the love of his life and that he's leaving his wife and kids for you and they should just leave, go home without him.

He gets so emotional he trips over you and falls and lays on the floor and cries like a little girl. You throw up on him because of this display. He doesn't care. He still loves you. So you get up and try to run, he follows you full of puke.

You run and realize that the only place you have to go is to grab a cab, since the wife took the jet. So you jump in but Glen jumps in after you. You spend the next year trying to get rid of him.
And, secretly, you haven't.

I wish you would wish for both of us.

[docat]

I wish I had a private jet and money to fly around the world.

YOU GET YOUR WISH!!! You get a private jet and money to fly around the world!!

Unfortunately, your private jet is hired out to fly Glenn Beck and his entourage around to his many engagements and YOU get to fly him! He pays well, so you have money to fly around, but YOU HAVE TO GO WHERE HE WANTS TO GO...so you spend time in a lot of airports, but you never get to leave the plane.

So you go to Salt Lake for a weekend (you sleep in your chair on the plane). Then you get to go to a small airport of a struggling town in Indiana. Then you get to take him on his ski vacation in Aspen. Then you get to fly to Israel (you have to wait on the plane). Then you have to go to Houston. Oh, and his wife wants to go to CT to get a pedi from her old manicurist.

Oops, the kids want to go to Disney. Hop on down to FL and I'll have to run to the airport to visit with you, because you have to stay with the plane.

You are Beck's favorite pilot. He's giving you autographed copies of his new book. They might be worth something someday.

[muskrat_skull]

You get your wish...Medusa. Not only do you get one Hurcules...you get two Herculi!!!

I wish I was handsome.

Poof, you become incredibly handsome, so handsome in fact that tv and movie producers want you to be in their productions. Modeling agencies pester you constantly about modelling contracts. The money they offer is so good that you decide to take them up on it.

So you start appearing in all these things and people are so mesmerized by your handsomeness that you get a huge facebook following and fan clubs full of obsessed people. Men want to be you, women want to be with you.

In fact, you are such a gift to humanity due to your handsomeness that a lowly secretary in your agent's office can't bear to keep your address and phone number to herself. She leaks it to a few fans and before you know it, you have mobs of people storming your house, calling your phone. And everyone connected with you is harrassed, including your doctors, dry cleaners, everyone.

You cannot even hide in your own home. So you get fed up and start picking them off one by one, gun by gun. The cops and eventuallly the national guard are all called out and they finally apprehend you, and the judge, jealous of your good looks, sentences your handsome self to life in prison, and even there your good looks can't go unnoticed! You end up wishing so bad that you were ugly!

I wish I had a private jet and money to fly around the world.

[Joe's Dad]

You get your wish, but disco is outdated, so you are completely dorky by today's standards.

I wish I was a Greek goddess being fed grapes by a handsome Hercules...

You get your wish...Medusa. Not only do you get one Hurcules...you get two Herculi!!!

I wish I was handsome.

[muskrat_skull]

I wish I could re-live being age 21 again.

You get your wish, but disco is outdated, so you are completely dorky by today's standards.

I wish I was a Greek goddess being fed grapes by a handsome Hercules...

[docat]

They do, they're gay.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

Well, you get your wish, but it took you some effort!

At first you were putting lifts in your shoes, but that just wasn't the same thing. So you went to the river to fish. When you got there, it was noisy, and running fast. You thought you heard the water noise matrix into the sound of someone saying, "Step into the water and come forth a GIANT."

The fishing is crappy, so you go down the river a ways where it is calm and you think you hear water sounds say, "Step into the river, and you can grow taller."

So thinking this may be the Great Spirit speaking to you, you peel off your clothes and get into the water...which by the way is pretty cold. So you walk around in the water at chest height and the current is slowly making you walk down stream. You want to swim, but the current is keeping your legs under you. It gets deeper and deeper so the water is at chin height.

Then when you get so deep that you bob up and down to get air. The current still won't let you swim. As this is going on, when you are above the water you hear multitudes of sounds in the water that sound like a crowd of people saying, "TALLER, TALLER."

This encourages you and so you go on and on, walking downstream. You are deep in concentration and you are feeling taller. You are keeping your head above water and your body walks along. While this goes on, you feel your back getting straighter and your shoulders going back...and your head well above the water.

At a calm place in the stream, you come out of the water, and you are a GIANT. You are much taller than you were before. But all of the sudden, you realize your CLOTHES are much further upstream! And you would have to walk a long ways naked.

So you decide to walk upstream in the water and fight the current...I mean, this river is partially visible from a road. But all the time you were going back, you heard the river matrix voices say, "NO! Wrong Way."

At a bend in the road, there it was...a carload of your girlfriend's female RELATIVES. And one of them notices you in the river and shouts to you because they are at the side of the road and they have a flat tire. They want your help!

But you say to them that you can't come that you need to walk a ways because you have a trap in there and you will come back for them. You didn't want them to know you were naked.

All the way you hear "Wrong WAY" in the sounds of the river...and on the other side of the river, you can see the edge where a golf course had encroached on the bank of the river. Sitting on the bank was a beautiful NDN girl. She was sobbing, and you see her from the middle of the river and call out to her, asking if everything was OK.

The young woman said she needed your help. She said she lost her dog and had been looking everywhere. You didn't care that you were naked, you were going to come out of there and help that poor thing...except that while you were a giant, not everything became giant. The water was REALLY COLD and you didn't want her to laugh at you...so then, you tell her, just stay there, I'll be back to help you.

So you go down further in the river and you see on the side of the river, a HUGE BUCK. Loaded with points. You have the crossbow in the back of your vehicle. So you hurry back to the place you threw your clothes. All of the time, you do not hear the river telling you to "go back down the river" and "don't go upstream.

You get your clothes on, and you notice you are no longer a giant. You get your crossbow out of your vehicle for a consolation prize to get the buck, and when you get there, the buck is gone. Down further along the river where the NDN girl wept, she was nowhere in sight, and thinking this might be a sign that your future IN-LAWS would not still be there at the side of the road is shattered when they are there...HOT, MAD and READY TO KILL you for taking so long.

So you change the tire for them, and they get on the road. They are too tired and angry to thank you...so as they drive away, you realize you had put the crossbow on the roof and it hits the ground, breaking it.

So you walk back along the road with the shattered remains of your crossbow, but as you went along, you felt taller. You had been walking straight in the water and you had thrown your shoulders back. Just straightening out didn't make you a giant, but it did make you a little bit taller.

You resolve that the next time the river tells you to do something or not to do something, you will listen. And you also resolve not to go back for something like clothing which would be too small for you anyway.


I wish I could re-live being age 21 again.

[RestlessN8iv]

I wish I had a touch screen laptop. Those things look so cool.

your touch screen laptop arrives via mail. You notice that it runs on a very peculiar OS... The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

.

I wish that good handsome men grew on trees.

They do, they're gay.

I wish I was a little bit taller.