Be Careful What You Wish For

[muskrat_skull]

You know how to knit, you do NOT know how to cast off or pearl. you are stuck constructing the same towel-like pattern out of yarn with no way to taper off or complete the project. (this is actually my situation. I'm better at spinning.)

Another drawback, you join the forums @ Ravelry.com, and become addicted. (I keed I keed)



I wish I could get a book published.

Your wish is granted. You sit down one day, and the words just spill out of you. You become so obsessed with writing this story, you are taking your laptop everywhere and working on it constantly. To be like other aspiring authors, you settle in at your favorite coffee house to put in some hours. while you are up getting a coffee, an identity thief installs a secret program on your laptop and remotely steals everything off your laptop.

He sees the document you were working on and begins reading it. He becomes so enthralled, he is sure the story is worth something, especially since everything else is worthless. He emails a copy to his uncle, a literary agent and instantly receives a reply stating the book is going to be published, there will be a contract, an agent, a book tour, movie deals, the works.

So the book will be published, only not under your name.

I wish that good handsome men grew on trees.

[docat]

Granted. You purchase the firearm, but find that the ammo for that particular weapon has been discontinued, and only a few shells remain in existence. All of them owned by private collectors, none of whom are willing to sell. You decide to try and rob one, unfortunately, the person you try to steal the ammo from has a shotgun that never misses its target.

I wish spring would get here already!

(That's good!)

SPRING IS HERE!!!! But it is in FLORIDA, not where you are! Strawberries are almost all gone in fact. You should have said something...I am sending you our spring.*

*expect 4-6 weeks for delivery.

I wish I had a touch screen laptop. Those things look so cool.

[RestlessN8iv]

:



YOU GET YOUR WISH!!!! Now you can see in the dark! You decide this is going to be a huge help to you in hunting, and so you go out late at night to check this new skill out. You found that you had better distance vision when you are at a higher elevation, so you get up in a tree, and BEHOLD! All the animals hidden in the forest are suddenly visible to you in the dark.

While you are contemplating all the hunting opportunities in front of you, you decide to climb higher. Just as the owl gets better night vision with the moon at his back, you get into position, and in doing so, you see two of your buddies walking through the woods. You decide how much fun it would be to scare them.

You climb down and walk through the woods and because you can see in the dark, you don't step on any twigs to give away your position. You get closer and closer to your buddies. Then you decide to listen in on the conversation...and find out they are talking ABOUT YOU!!!

This is too juicy to miss, so you get closer and closer. They are talking about how you were a good hunter and a good friend...like you were a good buddy and fun times...and you think they are pranking you, talking like you were dead...and that they saw you, so you say something and what comes out of your mouth is a scream.

Your buddies turn around and see your glowing night vision eyes and RUN...one says, "It's a panther!" And you start laughing because they are really freaking out.

So you go on and follow one of them (they had split up in running) and when you get closer, you find one of them telling another guy to get his gun, there's a panther out there. You decide, well if they were going to shoot, you had better let them know it is just you, not a panther.

Then as you got closer to your buddy and the other guy, you see a gun trained at your head...all of the sudden....everything goes dark.

Then you wake up and you look all around you and you see in all directions. It's weird, but you start contemplating all your hunting opportunities with this new nearly 360 degree vision. All of the sudden, you realize you are breathing water. Oh now this is going to make fishing so easy. Just go in the water and stay there like a reverse deer stand, underwater waiting, and all of the sudden you realize you are a FISH. In fact, you look around and bump into a barrier...and you realize, you are not only a fish but a fish in a tank.

All of the sudden, a huge darkness envelops you. You look up and it is a big fish. In no time, you are snapped up by said fish and it's dark again.

Then you wake up, and realize you are in a world of giants. You see people and animals, but they are huge. You find that you are very tiny, and you contemplate the hunting opportunities in that...and so you see a giant deer. And you climb up onto the deer and find a cozy place and bite it and start sucking its blood...since you are now a tick.

While you are literally the size of a tick to pop, you think about hopping off this ride and you fall gently to the ground. Too fat to move, the deer turns and steps on you...

It gets dark...

---------

I wish I had a shotgun that never missed its target.

Granted. You purchase the firearm, but find that the ammo for that particular weapon has been discontinued, and only a few shells remain in existence. All of them owned by private collectors, none of whom are willing to sell. You decide to try and rob one, unfortunately, the person you try to steal the ammo from has a shotgun that never misses its target.

I wish spring would get here already!

[docat]

Good news: your wish is granted
Bad news: it's a Carnival Cruise

:

I wish I could see in the dark

YOU GET YOUR WISH!!!! Now you can see in the dark! You decide this is going to be a huge help to you in hunting, and so you go out late at night to check this new skill out. You found that you had better distance vision when you are at a higher elevation, so you get up in a tree, and BEHOLD! All the animals hidden in the forest are suddenly visible to you in the dark.

While you are contemplating all the hunting opportunities in front of you, you decide to climb higher. Just as the owl gets better night vision with the moon at his back, you get into position, and in doing so, you see two of your buddies walking through the woods. You decide how much fun it would be to scare them.

You climb down and walk through the woods and because you can see in the dark, you don't step on any twigs to give away your position. You get closer and closer to your buddies. Then you decide to listen in on the conversation...and find out they are talking ABOUT YOU!!!

This is too juicy to miss, so you get closer and closer. They are talking about how you were a good hunter and a good friend...like you were a good buddy and fun times...and you think they are pranking you, talking like you were dead...and that they saw you, so you say something and what comes out of your mouth is a scream.

Your buddies turn around and see your glowing night vision eyes and RUN...one says, "It's a panther!" And you start laughing because they are really freaking out.

So you go on and follow one of them (they had split up in running) and when you get closer, you find one of them telling another guy to get his gun, there's a panther out there. You decide, well if they were going to shoot, you had better let them know it is just you, not a panther.

Then as you got closer to your buddy and the other guy, you see a gun trained at your head...all of the sudden....everything goes dark.

Then you wake up and you look all around you and you see in all directions. It's weird, but you start contemplating all your hunting opportunities with this new nearly 360 degree vision. All of the sudden, you realize you are breathing water. Oh now this is going to make fishing so easy. Just go in the water and stay there like a reverse deer stand, underwater waiting, and all of the sudden you realize you are a FISH. In fact, you look around and bump into a barrier...and you realize, you are not only a fish but a fish in a tank.

All of the sudden, a huge darkness envelops you. You look up and it is a big fish. In no time, you are snapped up by said fish and it's dark again.

Then you wake up, and realize you are in a world of giants. You see people and animals, but they are huge. You find that you are very tiny, and you contemplate the hunting opportunities in that...and so you see a giant deer. And you climb up onto the deer and find a cozy place and bite it and start sucking its blood...since you are now a tick.

While you are literally the size of a tick to pop, you think about hopping off this ride and you fall gently to the ground. Too fat to move, the deer turns and steps on you...

It gets dark...

---------

I wish I had a shotgun that never missed its target.

[RestlessN8iv]

A new stove is yours! A brand new 1800s reproduction woodburning stove! And it is installed inside your new walk-in freezer!

I wish I knew 7 different languages.

Man, I thought no one had spotted those bunny slippers.

OK, you are able to drink gallons of coffee...and the reason you can do it without getting jittery is that you are drinking decaf. The reason you aren't sleepy is that it makes you have to pee every 15 minutes. Thus, you make sure you are wide awake!

I wish I could go on a cruise from Florida around South America all the way to Seattle.

Good news: your wish is granted
Bad news: it's a Carnival Cruise


I wish I could see in the dark

[docat]

Your wish is granted. You wake up tomorrow morning and your old car is gone and a BRAND NEW sports car is in its place, with a BOW on top. You find the key in the mail box and rush outside in your nightgown and bunny slippers and jump into the car to take it for a test drive. You crank the car and it purrs like a kitten, it has that wonderful new car smell too and a kick butt stereo.

Man, I thought no one had spotted those bunny slippers.

OK, you are able to drink gallons of coffee...and the reason you can do it without getting jittery is that you are drinking decaf. The reason you aren't sleepy is that it makes you have to pee every 15 minutes. Thus, you make sure you are wide awake!

I wish I could go on a cruise from Florida around South America all the way to Seattle.

[muskrat_skull]

Ohhhhh man, you get your wish, but you know what happens when you eat a big burrito smothered in hot green chile? Your constitution revolts and you spend the rest of the night running to the john.

The good news is, you needed to lose a little weight and someone else has to clean the bathroom! :) And the Dr. Pepper wasn't half bad.

I wish I would wake up tomorrow morning and my car is gone and a BRAND NEW sports car is in its place with a BOW on top...and the key is sitting in my mail slot.

Your wish is granted. You wake up tomorrow morning and your old car is gone and a BRAND NEW sports car is in its place, with a BOW on top. You find the key in the mail box and rush outside in your nightgown and bunny slippers and jump into the car to take it for a test drive. You crank the car and it purrs like a kitten, it has that wonderful new car smell too and a kick butt stereo.

You lean back in the leather seats, put the car in drive, and as you try to sit back straight to pull out, you realize that someone put invisible super glue on the headrest and your head is stuck to the head rest. You reach behind yourself with your hands to try to pull the headrest out of the seat completely, and when you do, your bunny slipper becomes caught around the gas pedal.

The car lunges forward full speed and you slam into your neighbor's car, and shoves it forward into several other neighbors' cars. Your hands are now stuck to the headrest and you are fiddling with your foot trying to get it out of the bunny slipper, and as you do, the car keeps lurching forward and crashing into things. Your neibors watch in horror, looking at you like you are crazy, all of them on their cell phones to the police.

The police finally get there and you crash into them but they manage to box you in and get the car switched off. They cut the headrest off the car so they can get you out, but don't realize that some of the glue had dripped down on the seat when it was applied. So when you get up, your nightgown rips off and there you are, in front of all your neighbors and the police!

I wish I could drink unlimited amounts of coffee and feel awake but not feel jittery.

[docat]

You get all organized which took alot out of you that you are too tired to start a new project

I wish I had a burrito smothered in some hot green chile with a large Dr. Pepper.

Ohhhhh man, you get your wish, but you know what happens when you eat a big burrito smothered in hot green chile? Your constitution revolts and you spend the rest of the night running to the john.

The good news is, you needed to lose a little weight and someone else has to clean the bathroom! :) And the Dr. Pepper wasn't half bad.

I wish I would wake up tomorrow morning and my car is gone and a BRAND NEW sports car is in its place with a BOW on top...and the key is sitting in my mail slot.

[lbgood]

I wish I could get organized enough to sew a new outfit.

You get all organized which took alot out of you that you are too tired to start a new project

I wish I had a burrito smothered in some hot green chile with a large Dr. Pepper.

[docat]

Granted. Everything you need to do today is done. it is not done well, or properly.

I wish I had another week of Spring Break

Man, you are a psychic. I messed up some today...but it all got done...albeit taking longer than it should have.

YOUR WISH IS GRANTED!! You get another week of spring break because a HUGE ICE STORM hits your area and no one can travel or walk to school. You are iced in without electricity and running water, so you have ONE EXTRA week of break, but it isn't anything like Spring break in Florida. Your time will be used up in trying to keep warm, cook food and looking after others around you. You are frozen in.

There is no internet service since there is no electricity, and for all that time you have to write BY HAND since no computers are working. You find this tedious. You walk a couple miles to a store that has electricity, just to plug your charger into their wall (and they charge you 5 bux to do it) so you can have some contact with the outside world.

During the time you are without electricity, you discover that instead of writing for a career, you prefer to do bead work and you are so good at it that you outdo wardancer in production of men's garters.


I wish I could get organized enough to sew a new outfit.

[RestlessN8iv]

Granted. Everything you need to do today is done. it is not done well, or properly.

I wish I had another week of Spring Break

[docat]

Close. My farts smell like cinnamon, not chocolate.

Your dog becomes human, and is the worst freaking roommate ever! You cannot have any company over with out him telling them all what you look like naked.


I wish I were more smarter.

POOF!! You are suddenly smarter. All the answers for tests for school suddenly come to you, and you come to the realization that being smart means being truthful. Knowledge = Truth. So you are suddenly able to spout out a lot of truthful facts. This becomes great for school. The teachers are all amazed. Students in class come to you to seek additional information.

However, your truthfulness that comes from being smart has bled into your personal life. When your fiance asks you if an outfit makes her butt look big, you do the one thing that all men should not do...you tell the truth...thinking that she will appreciate the truth since that is what she was seeking.

When you recover from your injuries resulting in telling the truth, you realize that being smart does NOT involve telling the truth. SO then you amend your ways and see that being smart means creative lying. So you put a good face on everything...again your popularity soars.

You are elected to various positions at school, so you decide to throw away writing and journal making and BLOGGING to become a political figure. You do well in politics because of your smart lies, but unfortunately, some geeky kid who was studying your life started reading all that you wrote while you were in school and suddenly, unfavorable parts (that don't mesh with the lies) of what you wrote appear on all media.

Statements about some of the things you said makes you come off like the smart liar you have become. Then you lose your position in politics. Your girlfriend does not leave you (although she should) and she stays with you because she needs you to carry her ROLLER DERBY gear and you become a roadie for the team...but you are a smart roadie. You never get the bags mixed up.

I wish the stuff I need to do today ACTUALLY gets done.

[RestlessN8iv]

You are given some magic beans which allow you now to digest dairy. But they give you magic gas. This magic gas smells like chocolate but is really loud, the smell attracts women but the noise drives them away. Dating is really difficult.

I wish my dog was human.

Close. My farts smell like cinnamon, not chocolate.

Your dog becomes human, and is the worst freaking roommate ever! You cannot have any company over with out him telling them all what you look like naked.


I wish I were more smarter.

[muskrat_skull]

Granted, but now you are lactose intolerant.

I wish I could digest dairy.

You are given some magic beans which allow you now to digest dairy. But they give you magic gas. This magic gas smells like chocolate but is really loud, the smell attracts women but the noise drives them away. Dating is really difficult.

I wish my dog was human.

[RestlessN8iv]

Your wish comes true and you have your car painted, only it is painted by an obsessed stalker who has secretly gotten a picture of you in the shower. He secretly paints you in the buff on the back of your car as a tribute. Unbeknownst to you, you drive through town, and wonder why young men are giggling at you at and pointing, at red lights, and why mothers shield their children's eyes when you drive by. And you have to slam on your brakes to get rid of the elderly tailgaters, who's wives curse at you as they drive by.

I wish ice cream caused me to lose weight.

Granted, but now you are lactose intolerant.

I wish I could digest dairy.