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What's on my heart this week (*long*)

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  • What's on my heart this week (*long*)

    Hi everyone.... I joined PowWows.com in 2009 and haven't been on since 2010 (at least not posting, I've done alot of reading) so I know most of you don't know me. And I know alot of people on here don't care to know what I have to say because I'm white, and that's ok.

    There are many people I've met on here who have been extremely supportive of me in the past few years and I can't thank you enough. When I came to this site in 2009, I had alot on my mind and heart and alot of confusion.

    I lost my Cherokee father when I was 10 years old, a year after I was placed into foster care and moved across the state as a ward of the State of Alabama. I therefore lost contact with EVERYONE I knew as a child- friends, family, tribal memebers. My dad and I were very involved in tribal affairs, culture and powwows. I never forgot the things he taught me, even though I was very young. My biological mother died in a nursing home when I was in high school and I was later given what few belongings she had. Tucked into the bottom of an old jewelry box was my tribal membership card from childhood. That was my one and only link to my past.

    So in 2009, I finally reconnected with my tribe. I was confused about whether or not I should try to participate in powwows and native culture again. It would be so difficult without my dad or any other family to be there with me. In my panic, I came to powwows.com and asked the advice of strangers. Some voices were kind, some were not so kind. But it doesn't matter. What mattered most is that several of you on here told me "Don't ask us- get in there with your tribe!" And many of you sent me private messages opening yourselves for questions and support.

    In the last four years, I have met many people who knew me and my father. I even found my godfather, who I loved very much as a child. Everyone has been so kind, loving, and giving of themselves. What I want to say is that in the past four years, I have really learned alot. Instead of expecting, I have learned to be giving. Not because I think I have to give to get, but to know how to give from the heart. To help others, to contribute to the tribe. And I don't make a habit of asking someone alot of questions until they open themselves up to me for that opportunity. I will never replace my father, but I have found people who have accepted me and become my family not because I asked, but because they had it in their heart.

    My journey is far from over, but I feel at a place of peace now. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I know who I am, I know how I was raised, and I know what is in my heart. I don't represent myself as something I'm not. I love and accept all parts of who and what I am.

    I am so thankful to be able to share these feelings with those of you who care to read and who are so kind and supportive. I guess I just needed to speak my mind.

  • #2
    That's great. I'm glad you were able to reconnect with your heritage, your tribe and find your grandfather.
    Make sure to post on the books thread http://www.powwows.com/gathering/showthread.php?t=62514

    And look, a Stitch smiley!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Agaliha Tsiwodi View Post
      Hi everyone.... I joined PowWows.com in 2009 and haven't been on since 2010 (at least not posting, I've done alot of reading) so I know most of you don't know me. And I know alot of people on here don't care to know what I have to say because I'm white, and that's ok.

      There are many people I've met on here who have been extremely supportive of me in the past few years and I can't thank you enough. When I came to this site in 2009, I had alot on my mind and heart and alot of confusion.

      I lost my Cherokee father when I was 10 years old, a year after I was placed into foster care and moved across the state as a ward of the State of Alabama. I therefore lost contact with EVERYONE I knew as a child- friends, family, tribal memebers. My dad and I were very involved in tribal affairs, culture and powwows. I never forgot the things he taught me, even though I was very young. My biological mother died in a nursing home when I was in high school and I was later given what few belongings she had. Tucked into the bottom of an old jewelry box was my tribal membership card from childhood. That was my one and only link to my past.

      So in 2009, I finally reconnected with my tribe. I was confused about whether or not I should try to participate in powwows and native culture again. It would be so difficult without my dad or any other family to be there with me. In my panic, I came to powwows.com and asked the advice of strangers. Some voices were kind, some were not so kind. But it doesn't matter. What mattered most is that several of you on here told me "Don't ask us- get in there with your tribe!" And many of you sent me private messages opening yourselves for questions and support.

      In the last four years, I have met many people who knew me and my father. I even found my godfather, who I loved very much as a child. Everyone has been so kind, loving, and giving of themselves. What I want to say is that in the past four years, I have really learned alot. Instead of expecting, I have learned to be giving. Not because I think I have to give to get, but to know how to give from the heart. To help others, to contribute to the tribe. And I don't make a habit of asking someone alot of questions until they open themselves up to me for that opportunity. I will never replace my father, but I have found people who have accepted me and become my family not because I asked, but because they had it in their heart.

      My journey is far from over, but I feel at a place of peace now. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I know who I am, I know how I was raised, and I know what is in my heart. I don't represent myself as something I'm not. I love and accept all parts of who and what I am.

      I am so thankful to be able to share these feelings with those of you who care to read and who are so kind and supportive. I guess I just needed to speak my mind.
      Welcome back to Powwows.com

      Comment

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