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Joke of the Day
Because of the shortage of jobs in the town, a boy applied for work on a farm.
The foreman told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and bucket.
An hour later the boy returned dirty and sweaty, bucket in one hand and broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool."
Arrested Convict
A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
The Hunter's Wife
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot".
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.
Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air.
The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: "Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
How to Get Rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,
"Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
Painless
The Millers were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No expensive extras, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Miller turned to his wife...
"Show him your tooth, Honey."
Dinner Invitation
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Because of the shortage of jobs in the town, a boy applied for work on a farm.
The foreman told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and bucket.
An hour later the boy returned dirty and sweaty, bucket in one hand and broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool."
Arrested Convict
A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
The Hunter's Wife
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot".
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.
Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air.
The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: "Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
How to Get Rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,
"Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
Painless
The Millers were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No expensive extras, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Miller turned to his wife...
"Show him your tooth, Honey."
Dinner Invitation
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
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