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you know when you drink too much coffee when...
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You Know You're Drinking too Much Coffee When · You don't sweat, you percolate. · Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. · When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." · You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. · Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. · Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. · You ski uphill. · You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. · You speed-walk in your sleep. · You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. · You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. · You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. · You sleep with your eyes open. · You have to watch videos in fast-forward. · The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. · You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. · You lick your coffeepot clean. · You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House. · Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. · You chew on other people's fingernails. · The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. · You can type 60 words per minute with your feet. · You can jump-start your car without cables. · All your kids are named "Joe." · You don't need a hammer to pound in nails. · Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." · You buy milk by the barrel. · You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. · You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. · You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. · Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down. · You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers · People get dizzy just watching you. · You've worn the finish off your coffee table. · The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. · Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. · Your taste buds are so numb, you could drink your lava lamp. · You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. · People can test their batteries in your ears. · Instant coffee takes too long. · You channel surf faster without a remote. · You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee · You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar." · You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. · Your Thermos is on wheels. · Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. · You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. · You can outlast the Energizer bunny. · You short out motion detectors. · You have a conniption over spilled milk. · You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. · Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. · You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. · You don't tan, you roast. · You don't get mad, you get steamed. · You can't even remember your second cup. · You help your dog chase its tail. · You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. · You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. · You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." · Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You Know You're Drinking too Much Coffee When · You don't sweat, you percolate. · Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. · When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." · You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. · Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. · Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. · You ski uphill. · You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. · You speed-walk in your sleep. · You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. · You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. · You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. · You sleep with your eyes open. · You have to watch videos in fast-forward. · The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. · You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. · You lick your coffeepot clean. · You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House. · Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. · You chew on other people's fingernails. · The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. · You can type 60 words per minute with your feet. · You can jump-start your car without cables. · All your kids are named "Joe." · You don't need a hammer to pound in nails. · Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." · You buy milk by the barrel. · You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. · You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. · You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. · Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down. · You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers · People get dizzy just watching you. · You've worn the finish off your coffee table. · The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. · Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. · Your taste buds are so numb, you could drink your lava lamp. · You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. · People can test their batteries in your ears. · Instant coffee takes too long. · You channel surf faster without a remote. · You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee · You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar." · You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. · Your Thermos is on wheels. · Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. · You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. · You can outlast the Energizer bunny. · You short out motion detectors. · You have a conniption over spilled milk. · You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. · Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. · You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. · You don't tan, you roast. · You don't get mad, you get steamed. · You can't even remember your second cup. · You help your dog chase its tail. · You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. · You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. · You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." · Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
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