Tweet
Darwin Awards {11-16}
#11
(5 January 2005, Nebraska) In September of his senior year at the University of Nebraska, 21-year-old Derek wrote an impassioned declaration of independence from seatbelts for his college newspaper. Although "intrusive and ridiculous" seatbelt laws saved 6100 lives a year, according to statistics from the U.S. Congress, Derek concluded with the statement, "If I want to be the jerk that flirts with death, I should be able to do that."
Derek "was a bright young boy, a 4.0" majoring in five subjects and planning to attend law school. He was also smart enough to tutor friends in subjects he didn't even take. But good grades don't equate with common sense.
Derek was returning from a holiday in San Antonio, Texas. The driver of the Ford Explorer and his front seat passenger both wore seatbelts. Only Derek was willing to buck the system, sitting without a seatbelt in the back seat because, in the words of his newspaper column, he belonged to the "die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up, no matter what the government does."
When the SUV hit a patch of ice, slid off US 80 and rolled several times, Derek, in an involuntary display of his freedom, was thrown from the vehicle. He died at the scene. The other occupants of the SUV, slaves to the seatbelt, survived with minor injuries. Alcohol was not involved in the accident.
#12
(23 May 2005, Texas) After surf-fishing on Crystal Beach, John was fatigued, but unwilling to call it a night. The full moon threatened to disturbed his nap, so John curled up for forty winks in the darkest place available: underneath his truck, which was parked on the beach.
The next morning, a pickup truck was reported abandoned in the surf off Crystal Beach. A tow truck driver was called in, and had barely moved the pickup a foot, when he found the body of a 37-year-old man embedded in the sand beneath it.
It turned out that the truck was not abandoned, after all. As John slept, time passed and the tide rolled back in. The wet sand shifted shift beneath the truck's weight, and John was trapped beneath it, unable to escape. The beach became his final resting place.
#13
(27 July 2005, California) Robert, 35, was eager to hang out with the nudists at the Palm Springs campground, in a part of Death Valley where temperatures reached 136 degrees. The track was rough but passable until he was lured into the Saline Mud Flats by the deceptively dry appearance of its crackled surface, radiating heat in the baking sun. Within a few feet, the wheels of his VW microbus sunk deep into the muck that lay hidden beneath the crust.
Robert was miles from nowhere, surrounded by the bleached skulls of other animals that had become trapped in the mire. But he had plenty of water, so he waited for help to find him on the remote dirt track. After six days, he abandoned the microbus and began walking to a less deserted location where someone was more likely to pass.
Luck was with him! As he was shaking the last drop of water from his bottle, help arrived in the form of 14-year-old British lads from the League of Venturers, who were training in search-and-rescue techniques. "He was crying and completely hysterical. I don't think he expected to last the day," said the unit leader. They gave him a lift to the nearest ranger station, 80 miles away, where he kissed the ground in gratitude.
Robert had cheated death once, but that didn't stop him from tempting fate again.
In nearby Bishop, he found someone to tow the microbus out of the mudflats. Alas, it had two flat tires and other mechanical problems, so he returned to Bishop for automotive supplies. He snagged another ride into Death Valley, this time with a couple who took an unfamiliar route from the north, and dropped him off at a washout in the road about 15 miles from the Palm Springs campground. His plan was to locate the campground and enlist help fixing his vehicle. He stashed his supplies and began walking. His body was found three days later, without a map, a GPS, or even water. Authorities estimated that he had walked along the road for 10 miles before heading into the open desert, seeking water.
#14
(28 April 2005, Moscow, Russia) A construction worker drilling the foundation of a parking garage project on Starobitsevskaya Street noticed something shiny stuck to the swiftly rotating auger. He took a closer look but still couldn't identify the shiny object, so he reached down to grab it. Unfortunately, his jacket caught on the auger, winding his hand, his arm, and then his whole body into the apparatus. By the time his fellow workers could shut down the rig, "only the man's legs below the knees remained intact," according to the daily newspaper.
#15
(17 April 2005, Syracuse, Indiana) Late one night, 26-year-old Joseph was blazing down the road in the Chain O'Lakes district on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well... with the wind whistling through his ears, he apparently concluded that his moped could outrun a police cruiser. This hard-boiled Heck's Angels wannabe revved his engine and roared off.
The speedometer needle flashed past 10--20--30mph, and within a minute, it was in the red zone at a blinding 40 mph. But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail! If only he had a spare JATO! The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase. Perhaps he was thinking, "You'll never take me alive, copper!" as he sped through the intersection. Whatever his last thoughts were, Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly
#16
(6 January 2005, Johannesburg, South Africa) Massive thunderstorms had turned the Braamfontein Spruit into a raging river. It was a little past midnight when police warned Barbara, 33, that a flash flood was inundating the bridge ahead. They urged her not to cross. But Barbara was driving a BMW X3, an off-road vehicle with xDrive all-wheel-drive.
Brochures assured her that the luxury SUV with Sensatec upholstery and an 8-speaker stereo system had "virtually unlimited agility." So Barbara laughed off the police advice, and continued towards the bridge. xDrive all-wheel drive lost its grip as the floodwaters swept her BMW X3 off the bridge. Her body was found later inside the vehicle over a mile down the river.
__________________
(5 January 2005, Nebraska) In September of his senior year at the University of Nebraska, 21-year-old Derek wrote an impassioned declaration of independence from seatbelts for his college newspaper. Although "intrusive and ridiculous" seatbelt laws saved 6100 lives a year, according to statistics from the U.S. Congress, Derek concluded with the statement, "If I want to be the jerk that flirts with death, I should be able to do that."
Derek "was a bright young boy, a 4.0" majoring in five subjects and planning to attend law school. He was also smart enough to tutor friends in subjects he didn't even take. But good grades don't equate with common sense.
Derek was returning from a holiday in San Antonio, Texas. The driver of the Ford Explorer and his front seat passenger both wore seatbelts. Only Derek was willing to buck the system, sitting without a seatbelt in the back seat because, in the words of his newspaper column, he belonged to the "die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up, no matter what the government does."
When the SUV hit a patch of ice, slid off US 80 and rolled several times, Derek, in an involuntary display of his freedom, was thrown from the vehicle. He died at the scene. The other occupants of the SUV, slaves to the seatbelt, survived with minor injuries. Alcohol was not involved in the accident.
#12
(23 May 2005, Texas) After surf-fishing on Crystal Beach, John was fatigued, but unwilling to call it a night. The full moon threatened to disturbed his nap, so John curled up for forty winks in the darkest place available: underneath his truck, which was parked on the beach.
The next morning, a pickup truck was reported abandoned in the surf off Crystal Beach. A tow truck driver was called in, and had barely moved the pickup a foot, when he found the body of a 37-year-old man embedded in the sand beneath it.
It turned out that the truck was not abandoned, after all. As John slept, time passed and the tide rolled back in. The wet sand shifted shift beneath the truck's weight, and John was trapped beneath it, unable to escape. The beach became his final resting place.
#13
(27 July 2005, California) Robert, 35, was eager to hang out with the nudists at the Palm Springs campground, in a part of Death Valley where temperatures reached 136 degrees. The track was rough but passable until he was lured into the Saline Mud Flats by the deceptively dry appearance of its crackled surface, radiating heat in the baking sun. Within a few feet, the wheels of his VW microbus sunk deep into the muck that lay hidden beneath the crust.
Robert was miles from nowhere, surrounded by the bleached skulls of other animals that had become trapped in the mire. But he had plenty of water, so he waited for help to find him on the remote dirt track. After six days, he abandoned the microbus and began walking to a less deserted location where someone was more likely to pass.
Luck was with him! As he was shaking the last drop of water from his bottle, help arrived in the form of 14-year-old British lads from the League of Venturers, who were training in search-and-rescue techniques. "He was crying and completely hysterical. I don't think he expected to last the day," said the unit leader. They gave him a lift to the nearest ranger station, 80 miles away, where he kissed the ground in gratitude.
Robert had cheated death once, but that didn't stop him from tempting fate again.
In nearby Bishop, he found someone to tow the microbus out of the mudflats. Alas, it had two flat tires and other mechanical problems, so he returned to Bishop for automotive supplies. He snagged another ride into Death Valley, this time with a couple who took an unfamiliar route from the north, and dropped him off at a washout in the road about 15 miles from the Palm Springs campground. His plan was to locate the campground and enlist help fixing his vehicle. He stashed his supplies and began walking. His body was found three days later, without a map, a GPS, or even water. Authorities estimated that he had walked along the road for 10 miles before heading into the open desert, seeking water.
#14
(28 April 2005, Moscow, Russia) A construction worker drilling the foundation of a parking garage project on Starobitsevskaya Street noticed something shiny stuck to the swiftly rotating auger. He took a closer look but still couldn't identify the shiny object, so he reached down to grab it. Unfortunately, his jacket caught on the auger, winding his hand, his arm, and then his whole body into the apparatus. By the time his fellow workers could shut down the rig, "only the man's legs below the knees remained intact," according to the daily newspaper.
#15
(17 April 2005, Syracuse, Indiana) Late one night, 26-year-old Joseph was blazing down the road in the Chain O'Lakes district on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well... with the wind whistling through his ears, he apparently concluded that his moped could outrun a police cruiser. This hard-boiled Heck's Angels wannabe revved his engine and roared off.
The speedometer needle flashed past 10--20--30mph, and within a minute, it was in the red zone at a blinding 40 mph. But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail! If only he had a spare JATO! The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase. Perhaps he was thinking, "You'll never take me alive, copper!" as he sped through the intersection. Whatever his last thoughts were, Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly
#16
(6 January 2005, Johannesburg, South Africa) Massive thunderstorms had turned the Braamfontein Spruit into a raging river. It was a little past midnight when police warned Barbara, 33, that a flash flood was inundating the bridge ahead. They urged her not to cross. But Barbara was driving a BMW X3, an off-road vehicle with xDrive all-wheel-drive.
Brochures assured her that the luxury SUV with Sensatec upholstery and an 8-speaker stereo system had "virtually unlimited agility." So Barbara laughed off the police advice, and continued towards the bridge. xDrive all-wheel drive lost its grip as the floodwaters swept her BMW X3 off the bridge. Her body was found later inside the vehicle over a mile down the river.
__________________
