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The perfect divorice letter >

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  • The perfect divorice letter >

    Dear wife:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
    These last 2 weeks have been hell.
    Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
    Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
    You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
    You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me oryou don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.

    Your EX-Husband
    P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

    Dear Ex-Husband

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
    It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
    I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
    I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
    And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
    About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
    After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
    So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.
    Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
    I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

    So take care.

    Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

    I hope that's not a problem.
    Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers.

  • #2
    OH CRAP--that's too funny. I like that.


    • #3

      That ain't right. He just has to learn to be like a wife and in court say HALF!!


      • #4
        Well, now he does--he has half and half in her sister Carl.ROFLMAO


        • #5
          Oh Annie, that was hilarious!


          • #6
            thanks for the laugh....great way to start my day...LOL


            • #7
              thats kewl she's rich n free n not so kewl for him..
              "I don't know why you never tried to tell me I was the one for you, I'm telling you my love is true and you're the only one for me -NC

              I'm not crazy I'm jus a little impaired I know right now you don't care but soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be I'm not crazy jus a little unwell...-matchbox 20


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