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Stock Market Terms for 2009

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  • Stock Market Terms for 2009

    Subject: New Stock Market Terms for 2009

    CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

    CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

    Bull Market -- A random market movement causing an investor to
    mistake himself for a financial genius.

    Bear Market -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
    allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets
    nothing.

    Value Investing -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E Ratio -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as
    the market keeps crashing.

    Broker -- What my broker has made me.

    Standard & Poor -- Your life in a nutshell.

    Stock Analyst -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    Stock Split -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
    equally between themselves.

    Financial Planner -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

    Cash Flow -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down
    the toilet.

    Institutional Investor -- Past year investor who's now locked up
    in a nuthouse.

    Profit -- An archaic word no longer in use. As in "false prophet".
    Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers.

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