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Random thoughts

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  • Random thoughts

    - I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
    - More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
    - Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
    - Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
    - I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
    - How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
    - I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
    - The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
    - Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
    - Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
    - Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
    - How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
    - While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
    - MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
    - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
    - Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
    - Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
    - You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
    - There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
    - "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
    - I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
    - I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
    - It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
    - Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
    - Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push20the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
    - I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
    - I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
    - AND FINALLY!!!!!!!.... The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

  • #2


    • #3
      Holay I could identify with a few myself...
      I'm innocent I tell ya!!!


      • #4
        the top of the mark to you
        Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass..It's about learning to dance in the rain. for me and the wolf


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