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  • #16
    LMAO...siiic..Ojibwaysweetie:clap:



    *Kalilsha*



    If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving u
    When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be u an me..

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    • #17
      OLD NDN TRICK

      Recently a routine Yakama police patrol parked outside Pete's tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a young tribal man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled
      around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

      After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

      The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." Aye!!!! Old tribal trick--enit!!?


      Ghost Indian

      Two Ponca men were sitting out on a back road visiting. All at once there was a tapping on the window.

      "Ah Hoh!" "Hey guy!" "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!"

      Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window.

      The Ponca man driving shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour.

      "Step on it!" "He's still out there!" And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window.

      The driver shoved his foot to the floor again! This time he was doing ninety (90) miles an hour.

      Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window.

      "You better giver 'er some more gas!" "He's still out there."

      "I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour.

      About that time the little old man motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did.

      "Say Boys!" "I was wanting to know, do you need a shove to get out of this mud hole?"

      :rofl2: here a couple i found


      Trish

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      • #18
        Subject: You know your a Rezzer when....

        You know your native when you can relate to the following.......

        This is a good one. Add on if have something.

        28. When somebody falls down, you laugh first, then ask if they're okay.
        27. You know people by their nicknames, and forget their "real" names.
        26. By the age of 13 your an expert at driving where as other children off rez at the age of 15 are learning how to back out of a 12 foot drive way.
        25. When listening to the scanner you can usually look out your window to see the action. yeee!!!
        24. There is at least one car parked in your yard, missing parts, maybe a door, probably sitting on blocks... Yah your gonna get her running one of these days, damn that's a good car!!
        23. Most injuries can be fixed at home, going to the clinic is torture in its self.
        22. You at some point have cried while watching Smoke Signals, or Pow-wow Highway.
        21. Most of the knowlege you've gained about the world abroad comes from the discovery channel.
        20. Your trusted pup is a fine heinz 57 mix who has never seen a liesh, leash.
        19. Someone near your home if not you has their house painted in some type of easter egg coloring.
        18. The local mechanic's garage is his yard.
        17. Your trained in the fine art of wiring vehicles, and opening door locks.
        16. An essential thing to have in your house is duct tape, or wd40, they can fix anything.
        15. Some of the most heated debates is which one of your aunties makes the best fry bread.
        14. A true delicasy is dry meat soup, and some fry bread.
        13. The Chief gives the day off during certain occasions, such as pow-wows, and when the h.s. basketball team makes it to state, rather than having to deal with all the leaves, sick, emergency, administration, yep.
        12. You have never been to a salon to have your hair cut, either the bathroom or the back porch.
        11. Such a small community, your on a first name basis with the entire police force.
        10. You have your own dialect and can usually tell what rez another native is from by their speech and features.
        9. One of the main words in your vocabulary is "annet".
        8. Out of all the cheeses you've sampled there is only one that you really like, heh, heh, you know what i'm talkin about, and it's only available on yep, "the rez".
        7. You point with your chin, or your lips, instead of your hands.
        6. Your car has at one point in time been held together by some type of adhesive, duct tape, crazy glue, some wire, or bubble yum, aye don't laugh I tried it, it works.
        5. When you go to town for groceries, half the rez is in town too.
        4. You have tried to use one of the following excuses for a hickey, it's a rug burn, an allergic reaction, you fell, you were pinched, heh, heh, don't bother they never work.
        3. Your third cousin is just as close to you as one of your brothers or sisters.
        2. You in a room with three other natives can pin point anyone else in the near by area with the vaguest of details. Finally the number one sign that you are a true native is,
        1. No meal is complete with out bread, whether it be Italian, french, chinese, still needs bread.


        Trish

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        • #19
          Great post Faith. I love it.

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          • #20
            :)



            *Kalilsha*



            If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving u
            When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be u an me..

            Comment


            • #21
              You know what causes a traffic jam on the Rez?






              A road kill Eagle.
              Last edited by FireBear; 04-09-2004, 02:18 AM. Reason: oops
              Today is my yesterday and today is my tomorrow

              Firebear's Ramblings Newsletter

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              • #22
                haha, good one, riad kill eagle. WHAT DO YOU CALL A SINGLE INDIAN MAN??



























                hoMELESS.....AYEE~ (EVEN DO IM A MAN...EH)
                I'm interested more in self determination than gender equity. In other words, changing white men for white woman in the structures of power, does nothing to transform the opression in my community.


                "You need to find yourself a girl, mate... Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you? [looks down]"
                -Captain Jack Sparrow

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                • #23
                  why don't cannibals eat natives?





































                  when they put us in the pot we eat all of the potatoes. ayyeee

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    WAYS THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF SANTA WERE AMERICAN INDIAN

                    At bed time, kids would leave RC Cola and frybread for the big guy. :)

                    He would wear a red turtleneck to hide his hickeys.

                    Santa's new moccasins would be made out of Dasher.

                    There would be a bingo packer under every tree.

                    Santa would be leaving coal at ever good Navajo boy or girl.

                    His elves would never show up for work on Friday's and sometimes Monday's too.

                    His sleigh would need a boost every other state or province.

                    His outfit would consist of a red flannel ribbon shirt, with matching leggins, moccasins and beaded black belt with matching beaded rimmed hat, all to match his oversized gift bag. Underneath it all would be a beaded thong with a small delicate plume attached to the back. ;)

                    Indian preference hiring would require Hopis and other Pueblo Indians to fit in to those teeny tiny elf outfits.

                    According to Indian time, Our gifts would arrive in February :p


                    Trish

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      evesdropping

                      A white woman sets her chair behind two older Indian men at a powwow. She can't help but notice that they are in the middle of an animated conversation. The lady ignores them at first, but her attention zero's in when she hears one of the Indian men say the following, "Emm come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one last time...."

                      "YOU DIRTY MEN!!" retorted the white lady indignantly as she stands up and folds her chair. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

                      "Who's talking about sex? I'm just tellin' my friend how to spell 'Mississippi'." :p




                      All for the People

                      4 men gather on the top of 30-story building, an East Indian, a Japanese, an American Indian, and a White Man.

                      The East Indian guy says, "This is for my people!" and he jumps off.

                      The Japanese says, "This is for my people!" and jumps off.

                      The American Indian says, "This is for my people" and pushes the White Man off.

                      that is just messed up ;) here's a couple i found pretty cute:)


                      Trish

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        ...good ones..



                        *Kalilsha*



                        If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving u
                        When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be u an me..

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          You Have To Love Indian Woman...

                          - For their ability to make a rez car look good!
                          - For their ability to keep sweat pants fashionable, no matter what the occasion.
                          - For their ability to make that all-tourey T-shirt and shorts into the one and only Indian "swim suit" (ayyyee)
                          - For their ability to give one "LOOK" at their man to shut him up.
                          - For their ability to somehow get her husband to ask for some of his own money out of his own paycheck.(now thats a skill we all need to learn!!...jks)


                          *Feel free to add more that I have forgotten!!*
                          Last edited by aboriginalbabydoll; 04-29-2004, 04:01 PM.

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                          • #28
                            An Indian boy goes to his grandfather all upset, “Grandfather I thought you had taught me all the old stories, but I just heard the man you were talking to you telling his friend a story that you haven’t told me yet.”
                            His grandfather answered, “Don’t worry about it, that is just a story I made up to tell the tourist, they wouldn’t believe the real stories anyway.”
                            Today is my yesterday and today is my tomorrow

                            Firebear's Ramblings Newsletter

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