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Ndn Horriblescopes - classic

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  • Ndn Horriblescopes - classic

    INDIAN REZ HOROSCOPES:

    CAPRICORN Dec 22-Jan 19:
    You are always saving junk and dragging things around the yard. You are basically a pack rat. There has never been a tidy Capricorn on your Indian Reserve. You should quit stealing other people's garbage.

    AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18:
    You haven't the foggiest idea who you are and you've stayed stupid for too long. You are a natural liar. On the other hand, you are compelled to the dinner table where, you make loud sucking noises, as you devour sixteen pork neckbones. Everyone thinks you Indian name should be 'Vacuum Neck'.

    PISCES Feb 19-Mar 20:
    You have no imagination and you always think the Department of Indian Affairs or Social Services are following you. You have influence over welfare administrators and friends think you're a weasel. You lack perseverance and are generally a chicken. Pisces people like to beat the ugly cats and sniff their nose a lot.

    ARIES Mar 21- Apr 19:
    You are an old stiff and this is reflected in everything you do. You are always whining over nothing and think everyone is out to rob you of something. You should take 11 sweats, one after another.

    TAURUS Apr 20- May 20:
    You like to work like hell and you are a genuine Jack of all trades. Most people think you are just getting in their way. you are stubborn and persistent. You are stubborn and persistent. You should get on welfare, immediately.

    GEMINI May 20- June 21:
    You are very intelligent on your feet but lose all credibility when sitting down. People like you because you know how to cash in food vouchers. This means your're a con artist. Geminis are notorious for their pimping.

    CANCER June 22- July 22:
    You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. Friends think you are a sponge and you are always misplacing your sweetgrass. That is why you will always drive a 'rez bomb' and have a fat mate.

    LEO July 23-Aug 22:
    You consider yourself a warrior, others think you're a macho egotistical creature of habit. Most Leos like to pick on little people. You have no ambition and will forever live in your mind. Leo people are scared to go to the sun dance and prefer to make love to their mirrors.

    VIRGO Aug 23- Sep 22:
    You like to have things in perfect order and will pick nits all day. Your sex life has become well known, due to you meticulous nature. Friends think you're an example of institutionalization and would make a model inmate at the local prison.

    LIBRA Sep 23- Oct 23:
    You have extreme difficulty with reality. This disorder began at the Rez school and will cause further serious mental shortcomings. Chances for employment are nil and you'll have to do bead work for the rest of your life. All Libra's light their sweetgrass from the wrong end.

    SCORPIO Oct 24- Nov 21:
    You are a shrewd and conniving Aboriginal. You land claim cannot be settled because you also want them to throw in Africa and China. Your work ethics defy logic but this stems from the fact that you know everything. Most Scorpios develop Jean Chretien-type mouths.

    SAGITTARIUS Nov 22- Dec 21:
    You are extemely optimistic and have the tendency to rely on Indian Medicine. The majority of Sagittarians carry little bundles of leather and will do weird things suddenly. You should take 365 vision quests, 67 sweat ceremonies, 39 sundances and a Valium.

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