Hilarious Things My Mom Taught Me…

[alumphfres]

1. My Mom taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My Mom taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My Mom taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My Mom taught me MORE LOGIC. If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My Mom taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case your’re in an accident.

7. My Mom taught me about IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”

10. My Mom taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

[wardancer]

O.K. #6 is a LIE ! 2 years ago my wife had a head on collision and in all the time in the hospital getting checked and re-checked NOT ONCE did the Dr. ask to see her underwear ! She was so disappointed !

[eagleclanriverband]

Hey, @alumpfres, these are so funny! I think your mom & my mom musta gone to the same school!

In addition to all the lessons you posted, I learned:

My Mom taught me how to be PATIENT. “Wait until your father gets home."

My Mom taught me about VOCABULARY. “What part of “No” don’t you understand?”

My Mom taught me the importance of taking INITIATIVE. “I don’t care who started it.”